Delicate Neighbor Situation?

Question

My husband and I moved into our great home over a year ago with our toddler son. One of our nextdoor neighbor's is a family with a middle aged mentally handicapped lady. She has on multiple occaisions come over, usually when i'm at work, to talk, or even ask to use a clothes dryer. She doesn't get the hint that if you open the screen door and stand guard, it means to not come in. She kinda 'barrels' her way thru. On top of this, we have a chain-link fenced in backyard that we enjoy spending time in. Again, when my husband is home alone or with our son, (rarely when i'm around) she will come out within minutes of them being outside and unwelcomingly start talking (loudly and whatnot, remember the 'handicap'). Sometimes she even cuts thru the backyard to hang clothes on the opposite neighbor's line, or even when we're having family time, she'll come over thru our gate to hang out. She won't get the hint we just want to be "Hi and Bye" neighbors and to leave us to our privacy. What to do?

Well, another twist is the father happens to be a second cousin, and she a third. It wasn't planned to move in that way, but small towns work that way sometimes. As for her actions, they take place mainly when she's home alone, and the father isn't 'handicapped' too, but.. idk.. kinda 'different'. i feel he would act sensitively.

Answer 1

Wow, that is delicate. I am sure you wouldn't want to hurt her feelings either. Is there anyway that you could possibly explain your situation to the care givers in the house?

Answer 2

This delicate situation arises all the time in apartment complexes, Augustus. The first basic steps to take are simple. Rearrange your furniture so the bed is on another wall. Add a white-noise source (a fan, a humidifier, a radio between stations) to cancel out some of the noise. And when they go at it, rather than pounding on the wall, which could be interpreted as anger, knock on it like it was a door, five or six raps. That tells them they are being heard. If they start up again, knock again. Add humorous rhythms if you want, to keep it light rather than a demanding thudding. And last, do not contact them directly, even if you know for sure which apartment it has to be. Your lease probably includes a clause about "quiet enjoyment" of the rental premises, and it's up to the landlord or property manager to enforce that. Go to him or her and explain the problem, noting that you don't want to embarrass anybody about such a delicate matter but that not only is your sleep disturbed but the wall is probably being damaged. The manager can figure out which bedroom backs onto yours and contact the tenants, demanding that they move the bed so it doesn't hit the wall. Sweet dreams!

Answer 3

Is there a lock you can put on the gate of your fence that she can't unlock so she can't get in your yard? Or put in a different gate that she can't get in? And can you see thru your house door if she is at your door before you get to the screen? Then if it's her, just don't open the main door, that way she can't push her way in. Or keep the screen door locked when you are in the house?

I'd be scared that something might happen to your son. She night be completely non-threatening but you don't know them all that well, so you never know. She might do accidentally hurt him somehow. So you definitely have to do something. Have you talked to any of the other neighbors about this? What did the previous house owners do? Can you call the previous house owners? Or the real estate agency?

Good luck and you will be in my prayers. I pray for your safety and privacy and sanity. God bless!

Answer 4

Understand that she may be doing this because she's lonely, and just enjoys company, and her handicap keeps her from realizing that she's annoying you, just as children are often unaware of how their actions affect others.

That said, however, you definitely need to speak to her family about it. It doesn’t sound as if she should be coming and going from the house unattended, if she’s mentally handicapped enough to act in some of the ways you suggest.

You are likely in a position that, as a neighbor to this family, you will have to put up with this woman from time to time. You do need to work with her family to minimize this.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Talk with the care giver in the family next door and tell them kindly, but firmly that this is not acceptable. Whether there is a familial relationship or not, I would not put up with this. Her handicap is not your responsibility (it wasn't prior to your knowledge of any family connection).

You and your family are entitled to enjoy your new home with as much privacy as you wish. Visiting at a mutually agreed upon time is your choice.

Answer 6

Ooooohhh boy!! You have to say something or she`ll bother you forever!! My mother inlaw is slightly mentally handicapped and she used to call at all hours of the day and night. My husband finally had to tell his father to stop allowing her to call at 12:00am !! Well he was insulted that my husband`s mother was not allowed to call when she wanted so we put a block on the phone, they got the hint!! So what I`m trying to say is; you need to take evasive measures, like fencing in your whole yard with a fairly high fence, or tell the relative of the women that she is not allowed over anymore. Tell them she`s bothering you!!Tell her to leave when she comes over, " We`re busy. please leave"!! Don`t shout but, be firm!! Heck I had a teenage neighbour that couldn`t get the hint, I had to ban her from the yard!!! YOU GOTTA TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORNS!!She`ll keep butting into your privacy if you don`t.

Answer 7

I agree with above answer to keep your gate locked which would also prevent her from your back screen door. Talk to her father about your enjoying privacy but also consider to occasionally be kind and talk to her (after all you're cousins). She's probably lonely....maybe there's a day program you can suggest to her dad because she gets lonely.

Answer 8

Your delicate situation can become a legal situation with you being held liable for the safety of that woman. Do something quick before something happens. Inform the police. Have a talk with her family.

Answer 9

Mention it to the family.

Also, why even open your screen door? That's why it's a 'screen.' It lets air and sound in, but 'screens' out unwanted bugs and people.

Put a padlock on your gate. You wouldn't want just anyone traipsing through anyway - especially at night.

Answer 10

Talk to the family and tell them of the situation,they may not be aware of it.Tell them you enjoy your privacy and would like it if they would keep an eye on her.