"Shayla" lived in the apartment beneath mine four years ago. We've had months of not speaking to one another at different periods, and I have felt very betrayed by her in the past. She asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, and I agreed. When she began fighting with her maid of honor (her sister!) I got "promoted" to the position. To make matters worse, she admits she doesn't love him, and is constantly looking up exes and talking about trying to find a "fling" since she has a "free cheat" to get even with her man for an affair he had with one of his exes. I have asked her if she is sure she wants to marry him, and she says it doesn't matter since divorce is so easy. She doesn't have many friends, and calls me her "BFF." If I step down, I'm not sure she could replace me with anyone local. Should I suck it up and shoulder all this work for a friend I'm not sure is that close? Should I tell her how I feel about participating? Is there a gracious way out?
2007-05-01 08:16:56 · 9 answers · asked by at work 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You obviously disapprove of this person. Why would you abandon your ethics and participate? You are not even a 'friend,' let alone a 'best friend,' not the way you feel. And why would you want to be? You should graciously decline. Just say, "no, thank you." You are under no obligation to make excuses.
And if you feel this way about this person, why in heaven's name are you communicating at all with her? What's YOUR problem??! Read the words you just wrote, for heaven's sake. This person has no morals nor ethics; she lies and cheats. If she wants to have a fling, fine! She is not married yet. But then she should be honest with her fiancee. This person is not honest - it's no wonder she doesn't have many friends. People who are smart stay away from her. And if you are smart, you will too.
You say you have felt 'betrayed' by her in the past. Have you ever heard this saying? "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on ME!" Put it another way: how many times do you have to step in a mud puddle and get dirtied before you learn to avoid it?!
2007-05-01 08:39:09 · answer #1 · answered by D 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well considering you are a M-O-H....I am presuming you are going to have to put up money for tons of expenses (bridal shower, bachelorette party...gifts for the shower and the wedding and obviously hair/makeup, dress, shoes etc...)
The question is - are you willing to blow this much moolah over someone that obviously you have no respect for as a human being...
Her lifestyle is her problem...it doesn't concern you.
Leaving her stranded is definitely not being gracious. As long as you dont mind her being rude towards you during the wedding planning (I am presuming that she dissed her own sister over some wedding crap ...) so I am sure some of that wrath will eventually come your way...
If things get too much to handle, let her know that you can't fill the shoes of the great MOH that she deserves to have and remember this means you probably will have to give up your invite to the wedding as well...(you never know how some people think!).
2007-05-01 15:31:17 · answer #2 · answered by Madd Scientist 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its obviouse you arent close friends. Just participate like you said you would and thank GOD thats not your situation. Couples are different and we have to accept that. Some love eachother so much its sick to look at and some beat eachother and theres nothing anyone can say or do about it. Its just the way life goes. Your there to stand next to her with a pretty dress and listen to her *****. After the wedding your free!
2007-05-01 15:22:55 · answer #3 · answered by Nesta Gurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Invent some excuse and back out of this travestry altogether, after all she "betrayed" you in the past and is likely to do so in the future. Avoid toxic people with no morals.
2007-05-01 15:53:20 · answer #4 · answered by SueB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that you've decided you couldn't accept the Maid of Honor position after all, all things considered.
2007-05-01 15:41:09 · answer #5 · answered by kiwi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with first response. Go ahead and help her out like you agreed. What she does with her exes is her business - it doesn't sound like it's going to last anyway. Even if you did try to talk her out of it, most likely she won't listen. Good luck!
2007-05-01 15:30:19 · answer #6 · answered by J T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey girl..... just stay away because if you get between her love life, you are the one who is going to be the bad girl, because she can do with her life what ever she wants and it doesn't matter what you say because she is the one making desicion, so you better stay out of there because bad energies are not good.... and she is a person with bad energys...get new friends!!!
2007-05-01 15:26:13 · answer #7 · answered by karen o 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Like I said in your other question, back out. She uninvited your husband. She also does not love her fiance.
2007-05-01 16:16:23 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you changed your mind and want out.
2007-05-02 03:34:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋