I've maintained a light friendship for four years now with a girl that has very few other friends; she calls me her "BFF" but I don't feel all that close to her. She was in an abusive relationship in the past and wrote me off over it until her ex disappeared. When she came back around and I had guy trouble, she stabbed me in the back. She apologized, but has admitted to gossiping about me recently. Now, she's engaged again to a guy that can't hold a steady job or a friendship. She admits she doesn't love him and is still looking at options. She wants to go through with this wedding in six months. Her maid of honor (her sister) quit speaking to her, and now I've landed that glorious position. She has actually disinvited my husband! That doesn't convey unconditional support on her end-- so do I have to be supportive when I don't agree with her? Can I back out????
2007-05-01 08:15:32 · 12 answers · asked by at work 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I think there is a "Proper Etiquette" answer but there is also a "Common Sense" answer which I believe is different. You do not sound like this friendship has brought you much happiness or satisfaction. You have stated that this person has not supported you in your problems, that she has stated that she does not love the man she proposes to marry ( reads: my wedding is a social event and a party not a statement of commitment on her part!!!) Do you respect this person at all? Why? I spent years trying to be a loyal friend to several people who walked all over me as a friend. I thought it was important to be supportive and loyal but all people do not feel that way. The key sentence in your question is that she has "DISINVITED" your husband! If I were you, I would politely tell her that you do not feel like she is serious about the relationship - both the one with the fiance and the one with you, that you wish her well but do not feel that you need to be a part of her wedding since she is disrespectful of your husband (does she have reason to be?), and that you are declining the honor of being her maid of honor at this early time so that she will have plenty of time to select another friend to honor in this way. After I again wished her well and wished her happiness in her new life, I WOULD RUN TO GET AWAY from this person who is obviously not your friend. I would seek out people to replace her with in my life, and if she asked me to do things with her, I would limit it to whatever and whenever I wanted to see her (perhaps never again). People only respect us when we demand to be respected. If this is not the case, then this is not the friend for you. Good luck. I would not invest time, money for a dress, etc., present, etc. and publicly give my support to someone who says she does not love the person she is planning to marry. Yes, you can back out NOW. The sooner the better, and remember, this can be done with good manners and without being insulting, but DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU. Make the decision and stick to it. If you waffle back and forth for a while and are not honest with her it will give her less time to replace you. Don't put her in the position of it being last minute. Good luck.
2007-05-01 08:34:37 · answer #1 · answered by kathy s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it would be ok to me. Just have a talk with her and tell her exactly why you are backing out-disinviting your husband for X reason, you're aware she is still looking at options and not sure of getting married, etc.
Don't keep track of all the things she does to you if you want to be her friend. If you don't want to be her friend, then don't hang out with her. She's obviously got some problems with abusive guys, self esteem, etc, so either be there for her no matter what and get her some help or end the relationship.
2007-05-01 08:24:41 · answer #2 · answered by tcdrtw 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes! Back out. Six months is plenty of time. And from the way it sounds, she has not been a good friend to you at all and the "disinviting" your husband would have definetly been the clincher for me. I would just tell her you won't be coming either ,but good luck to her. And try to stay away from her from there on out, hopefully you can find some friends who are good for you.
2007-05-01 08:39:30 · answer #3 · answered by Mollyruby 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I avert flipping them off, as there were too many avenue rage killings. I do positioned their names within the Big Book of humans who will NOT get into Heaven. I simply get a ways clear of the idiots, considering the fact that that cop would now not realize the change and quit me rather! I will drop long ago, use my cellphone to name the tag and automobile description in to my nearby 911 approximately the "inebriated motive force", and most commonly, inside approximately ten mins, he/she/inebriated/druggie/Soccer Mom, will probably be at the avenue facet, "esplanin' they's problims" and why they have got no license, misplaced the registration, and cannot discover the coverage card! I additionally don't honk as I cross by way of. But, I do have the largest grin you ever noticed! All the police realize me, and love me, for producing such a lot income for our town!
2016-09-05 23:46:26 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she's marrying a man she doesn't love? now there's a great start to a marriage!!! Tell her you can't be her maid of honor and be totally honest WHY----she should not even be GETTING married if she doesn't love her financee...it will only hurt them BOTH in the end....if she's only marrying him because she doesn't want to be alone.... thats BS... let the guy go and find someone he would be happy with and who would be happy to be with HIM... She sounds like a very selfish woman any way you look at it... TELL HER NO
2007-05-01 08:32:07 · answer #5 · answered by LittleBarb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is disinvited, then that's a logical excuse for you to back out, too.
You don't need this kind of grief. I would walk away.
2007-05-01 08:34:54 · answer #6 · answered by kiwi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't be maid of honor at a wedding I didn't support.
2007-05-01 08:21:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell this woman to drop dead and never speak to you again. Why would ever want to be friends with someone who behaves this way?! And you asked the same question twice, why?
2007-05-01 08:33:59 · answer #8 · answered by terrorfex01 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you have a legitimate reason to not be in her wedding. especially when she is not acting like a friend to you at all. she will realize in the very near future that everyone will leave her if she continues to act so inappropriately.
2007-05-01 09:51:22 · answer #9 · answered by jack_skellington49 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please read this article and tell me if this sounds like your friend.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
If it does, you're better off staying away from her to be honest. At least until she seeks professional counseling. These types of people will always bog you down with their drama.
2007-05-01 09:07:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋