I've maintained a light friendship for four years now with a girl that has very few other friends; she calls me her "BFF" but I don't feel all that close to her. She was in an abusive relationship in the past and wrote me off over it until her ex disappeared. When she came back around and I had guy trouble, she stabbed me in the back. She apologized, but has admitted to gossiping about me recently. Now, she's engaged again to a guy that can't hold a steady job or a friendship. She admits she doesn't love him and is still looking at options. She wants to go through with this wedding in six months. Her maid of honor (her sister) quit speaking to her, and now I've landed that glorious position. She has actually disinvited my husband! That doesn't convey unconditional support on her end-- so do I have to be supportive when I don't agree with her? Can I back out????
2007-05-01 08:13:46 · 10 answers · asked by at work 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Yep. Of course you can back out, and you probably would be doing the best thing. Her behavior isn't caring for whatever reason. I think you deserve better. This hurts for you, and she isn't treating you with respect.
Just write her a note and say, "I will not be able to serve as your maid of honor, I apologize. I won't be able to continue the friendship; it isn't healthy for me. I wish you luck and happiness in your life."
I wouldn't really explain because she KNOWS what the heck has gone on. Let her think about what isn't healthy. I'd back out. I wouldn't talk about her, wouldn't engage her in discussion, wouldn't talk to her friends. Dis-engage entirely if you can, and find some real friends. Good luck!
2007-05-01 08:25:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i will put it like this... Tell her that you do not support her going through with a wedding she has no intention of being serious about. Also if she cannot invite your husband to the wedding then say you cannot come either because it is kinda disrespectful to have someone as your "maid of honor" and disinvite their husband. tell her sorry, and the fact is you can back out of it if you want to because I know if someone invited me somewhere and not my wife (aka my other half =D ) then i wouldnt go. Yes you can have "unconditional support" for her but the person thats suppose to mean the most is your spouse.
Good Luck and God Bless
2007-05-01 08:24:24 · answer #2 · answered by J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you back out? Absolutely.
This is a classic description of the behavior of a person with borderline personality disorder. This woman has repeatedly lied to you. She gossips about you. She has "stabbed you in the back", yet she expects you to continue to put up with this nonsense and has the nerve to "disinvite" your husband???
Unless you are willing to tolerate more of the same, I'd seirously cut off ties altogether (I would no more serve as her maid-of-honor than fly).
2007-05-01 08:21:44 · answer #3 · answered by michele 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you can back out! You said the key word "light Friendship". Your not even that close to her. This is someone who was not there for you when you needed her! Shes not a good friend. Even her sister stop speaking to her!Sounds like she has a lot of issues. Do your self a favor and run away for this person. Dont feel bad!
2007-05-01 09:05:38 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely! Your first obligation is to your own peace of mind and your spouse, and if she's disinvited him, it's surely not in his best interest for you to continue with this farce. The sooner the better, since she'll have time to regroup and make other plans, but frankly it sounds like this wedding/marriage will implode anyway.
2007-05-01 08:21:58 · answer #5 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course you can back out. You're a grown adult woman and you don't need to feel obligated to stand up for a marriage you know is not sincere. And you most certainly cannot allow her to treat your husband with such disrespect. How would he feel if you went through with this nonsense??
Tell her you can't be a part of this farce and stop talking to her. You don't need this loser for a friend, do you??
2007-05-01 08:19:59 · answer #6 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Babe she's unstable!
I would not attend anywhere if my husband was not invited let alone disinvited! Its offensive and unacceptable.
Maybe if people stopped making excuses for her she would think twice before she does anything stupid!
2007-05-01 11:46:39 · answer #7 · answered by WICCA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say go ahead and back out. After all, she has backed out on you a few times. She sounds like one of those people who are "toxic" friends. Toxic friends are people who you just don't need in your life. They only care about you when it is convenient for them.
2007-05-01 08:21:33 · answer #8 · answered by epic_80 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her NO and walk away. I wouldnt go to ANY wedding or any other event for that matter if someone uninvited my husband.
Screw her. she sounds like a flake
2007-05-01 08:29:48 · answer #9 · answered by sweetblueyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why you agreed in the first place, but yes definitely back out. She should be mad enough at you to leave you alone for the rest of your life (hopefully).
2007-05-01 08:18:38 · answer #10 · answered by Eve H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋