My 15 year old daughter only wants to wear black clothes. Should I discourage this behavior?

Question

I'm thinking of throwing out her black clothes so she can't wear them.

Answer 1

you sound like my mom! she did throw out all my black clothes when i was 15. but then i started buying my own clothes, and ive been wearing black clothes ever since. i love them. they are slimming. they match, i feel comfortable. im not gothic or anything like that, i just like black.
maybe your daughter has self esteem issues, and wants to wear black to make her look slim.
Sometimes i get tired of wearing all black and i will go a week wearing all colors. so...just let her do her own thing, she might get tired of it. but throwing out her clothes is only going to make her EXTREMELY angry! and she will find a way to wear black anyway...even if it means bringing clothes to school to change in to.

Answer 2

Is it really so bad to let your daughter be herself? Think about it... the more you tell her no, the more she's going to pull away. Throwing out her black clothes is not going to solve anything, and in fact will probably make things worse. If you're worried about her turning "goth" then step up, be a parent, and talk to her about your concerns. Tell her, you understand that she wants to be an individual, and you will support her on that, but there are going to be some ground rules. She can wear black clothes, but not black makeup for instance. Or she can wear either a black top OR a black bottom, but not both. That her black clothes must still be tasteful and respectable.

Talk WITH her, not at her, and in the long run, you'll both be happy with the results.

Answer 3

This is normal behaviour for that age group. Leave her alone. The more you go on about your dislike of her clothing, the more she will hang on to them.

Despite the fact that young people say and act as if they want to be different, they all want to be different in the same way.

All three of my kids went through the black clothes stage. I was once told that it had something to do with "hiding away". People are not supposed to notice them so much if the wear black. Actually all that psychology tends to leave me confused.

What I do remember from my own teen years, is that if my folks said no, then I automatically believed the opposite.

Leave your daughter alone. Compliment her whenever she wears something that looks good on her - black or not - and ignore everything else. Try hard not to laugh when she looks as if she belongs in a shakespearean play shrieking "double double toil and trouble" (or whatever the correct words are.

Look after yourself and be safe

Sandy
http://www.moms-home-safety.com

Answer 4

I shall semi-quote Miss Manners' books on this issue. Your daughter should wear what she likes when it is appropriate. That is, unless there's a uniform policy at school, she can wear black to school and out with her friends. Places like church, visiting relatives, or going out with you, she should wear something of which you approve.

Don't make this issue into a battle when there are so many others to fight. As long as the clothes aren't too sexually suggestive, I wouldn't bother with it. Black clothes themselves are not a problem. Changes in behavior -esp being rude and obnoxious--are a problem.

Answer 5

Rather than discourage it, I would just let it go if I were you. Just ignore that she is wearing all black. Making a big deal about it one way or another is only going to reenforce it. Just treat her as you normally would - if you usually say something about how nice she looks keep saying that, but if you normally don't say anything about how she looks, then continue not saying anything. Just be normal. What she is going thru is a phase. She is at an age where she is trying to carve out her identity and trying to identify with other like-minded people her age. As long as you have no other reason not to trust her behavior, just let her have her little rebellion. 20 years ago (ack) I was a "goth chick" and I turned out just fine.

Answer 6

Don't throw them out...not because she will get mad...big deal she's a teenager, and your her mom, but she WILL find a way to wear them, or find something else even worse to do to try to to get a little control over her life...it's that age, however, maybe you can sit down and discuss it, and maybe come to a compromise about when and where she can wear all black. Make her feel as though she has some control over it and maybe she won't be so insistant. Also talk to her about why it bothers you that that is all she wants to wear. The key here is COMMUNICATION. Good luck!

Answer 7

As long as she isn'y dressing like a hooker, then why would it matter? My mom tried to throw out the clothes she didn't like once when I was 15, so I would just go out and borrow some from friends or buy them. It isn't that big of a deal. I used to wear all black and I grew out of it. She is probably just going through a phase.

Answer 8

Throwing out her clothes will make things worse. She may rebel and dress worse and hide it from you. As long as she is still fairly active and not too "gothy" (showing signs of suicide or hurting others) leave her alone, it 's most likely just a phase. Most children out grow it. If she's overweight she may be feeling self concious and hiding behind the black. If your daughter is suicidal, get her professional help.
Good Luck!

Answer 9

Who cares if she wears all black? Its probably a trend at school. It shows that she is wanting to be like her friends. I personally encourage kids to be more creative and unique about their clothing choices rather than following the crowd, but if she wants to fit in, she will try. As long as she isnt cutting herself or begging for multiple piercings, be happy.

Answer 10

All-black is such a huge fad for teens now, one would assume that she'd want to look a little more original.
Personally, I never understood why teens insisted on dressing like creatures of the night. I think i'd throw them all out.