My bf is spending at least 80% of his spare time with his sister and me, rarely me alone as he is really close to his sister and she is single and always expects him to do things with her. Would you tolerate this and if so, why, if not why not pleas? Thanks guys :)
2007-05-01 07:28:46 · 21 answers · asked by Leeza 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have told him that I feel like I am the third wheel and that I want time alone with him sometimes and he says there is no problem with him hanging out and doesn't seem to understand that this is a problem for me. I am happy for them to hang out but 5 times a week plus is too often as we do not get time alone.
2007-05-01 07:33:47 · update #1
Single as in not married.... I am living with this guy as well, this is a serious relationship but Jay K, I am single as I am not married. Hence me asking other single women.
2007-05-01 07:39:06 · update #2
no, its not normal behavior, it is not cute or healthy. It's more what old marrieds do than young couples. There is such a thing as called emotional incest, when the family member confides everything and enjoys life only when the other family member is there. I knew a guy like that when I was single years ago-come to find out she was the one hooking him up with pot & reminding him of his old X's, telling him she ran into that one or this one, do you need that in your life?
i have a strong feeling she comes before you, she may have told him girls will come & go but his sister will alwasy be his sister, he gets his enjoyment by being with her and you are along only for sex. trust me she has a lot of control over his decisions, he is extremely immature, & being with her reminds him of his past childhood and he is uncomfortable with letting it go, & living in the present. he is a weak person, she is using him cuz she has no true love in her life--if she ever does--that other man won't allow her brother to tag along 80% of the time. drop him, for your own good. please you deserve so much more, a guy who is devoted to only you.
2007-05-01 07:40:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good that he has a relationship with his sister, however if you are feeling like you are taking a back seat to their relationship then I would definetly communicate that to him. I personally wouldn't, but that is because I am a very "need for attention" type woman, I fully admit that I need to be focused on--and other than our children--no one better come before me. It all depends on your level of tolerance, because it is obviously bothering you, and at some point if it doesn't change, then it will cause a problem. You need to talk with him, maybe have him designate one or two days of the week for his sister, and the rest for you. Good Luck!!!
2007-05-01 14:37:55 · answer #2 · answered by Austins Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having her hang out with you isnt really a bad thing.
Are you close friends with her?
Though, having an excessive amount of time with you and her both isnt good for you personally.
You need your own quality alone time with him yourself.
He is your boyfriend after all!
Try planning some activities that only you and him both could do together.
But dont try to cut her out completely.
Perhaps you could devote a night a week to just have for the two of you, and let her know that it's your night alone together.
That way, no matter what, you'll always have a time where when you go out...everyone knows it's just for the two of you.
2007-05-01 14:33:21 · answer #3 · answered by I'm mad, you're mad! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's such a thing as speaking to a target audience. However, you are targeting the wrong audience. Single Women? There are probably reasons why they are single (men and women), either they just go out of a relationship, don't want one, don't have realistic goals out of a mate. Either way you should have asked women in a relationship because you're talking about relationship problems. My advice is if you really like your boyfriend you should really try to play your cards right with his sister. If you try to drive a wedge between them it will be you that suffers in the end. So basically you can talk with him and plan ahead a "date night" Arrange a date night for just the two of you, once a week or once every other week. If she still wants to tag along mention well I can probably find you a date. That would be ideal find someone for her to hang out with and she'll be swept off elsewhere to hang out with him.
2007-05-01 14:36:28 · answer #4 · answered by jay k 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would tolerate it, but I would try not to look on that as 'tolerance'. I would really try to make it work for all of us, however idealistic it may sound. I know from experience that you shouldn't make a guy choose between his partner and his sister. It never ends up well and there are no winners. She's important to him, and so are you, but in a different way. Instead of competing, think about joining forces and how to enjoy your good time together.
2007-05-01 14:39:07 · answer #5 · answered by ღ♥Goca♥ღ 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hm that's a good question. Though I am not in that situation, I think if I was I'd simply ask him to spend more alone time with me. It's nice that he and his sister get along, but heck you should not always have a third wheel around.
2007-05-01 14:32:22 · answer #6 · answered by Мəəĸά 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
How old are they and how long have they been out of their parents house? While it is nice that they can depend on each other, make sure it is not a co-dependent relationship and that you are not being too jealous. If he puts her first before you always, sit down and talk to him about this. If he says she will always come first, run away as fast as you can. There are other men out there. You do not have to put up with being 2nd fiddle to his sister.
btw remember that friends episode with the VERY close brother and sister? Hmmm.
2007-05-01 14:33:47 · answer #7 · answered by TeaQueen 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think it's a little over the top! its sweet and everything that he's so close to his sister but really he should be making more time for you than his sister i think i'd find it hard to tolerate this!
2007-05-01 14:36:59 · answer #8 · answered by x..sarah..x 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have a man who is close to his family. This probably won't ever change. The only thing for you to do is decide if you can share the time or not. If you can't, then get a new bf.
2007-05-01 14:35:32 · answer #9 · answered by catmoosebear 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't tolerate it, you're not being selfish its just that he gives his sister more attention than you. Don't get me wrong its good that brothers and sisters have close relationships but that's ridiculous explain to him you need your own time with him and more at that, but do it in such a way that you don't make him think it's either you or his sister. Good Luck XX
2007-05-01 14:33:31 · answer #10 · answered by charlie baby 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋