I don't want responses from people saying, to move on and I could do better then this. I would like responses from people that may have had the same problem and solved it, or someon that could help me understand why a man would love someone, and yet need sex from others. I have been in a relationship for a while with a man that has stollen my heart completely. I love him more then I have ever loved a man in my life. He has so many good qualities I couldn't list them here. But he says he needs sex from others once in a while. He said he loves me and I can tell he does. I've herd of open relationships and things. But I don't know how to cope with the idea of some other woman spending time and being with with the man I love. He said it wouldn't mean anything to him other then just sex. My man and I have seperated for now, his choice, due to the fighting we have done which was over this extra sex thing. How would I cope or deal with this? I want my man back, I am miserable with out him.!
2007-05-01 07:27:28 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This man is not just a silly love thing. I've been married before and am not a young person with no experience. This is not a puppy love thing. I just want to know how to deal with this or if anyone would know a way to get him away from this urge to have others for sex. He said I could do the same, have sex with others, so even if I would do something to like let him see how it feels to be on the other end. I am in no way going to have sex or anything else with anyone other then this man. Two wrongs don't make a right. And I have no desire to be with anyone other then the man I love. It would do nothing for me because I opperate on an effection basis for satisfying sex. Maby men are diffirent then woman? Any help here would be appreciated, but only if you are trying to help me understand. Not telling me to move on and so forth. I plan on being with this man no matter what. I just need to know why does he need this? And how do I deal with this? Or is there a cure for what he has?
2007-05-01 07:39:52 · update #1
He does not love you.. You need to wake up and stop lying to yourself.Since you have the answer to your question .. Why are u wasting everyones else time.
2007-05-01 07:30:32 · answer #1 · answered by julia1975 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I really feel that you need to let this man go. You already expressed that you do not want him to have sex with other people, yet he continues to. A relationship is based on intimacy and love, and he is not providing you with either. I could not understand how he can have sex with someone with out feelings involved. Sex should be a spiritual connection between two partners that are committed to each other. However, he does not feel the need to make that commitment for you. Even though he loves you and you love him, do you feel that you can be with a man that has sex with someone else. This will cause a strain in your relationship. I think it is best to move on and find someone can give you the love and commitment that he can't.
I've never been in this situation, and my boyfriend is a very sexual person, but if he said he wants sex from another person he would be out the door. I think your man should respect you and ONLY you.
2007-05-01 07:35:43 · answer #2 · answered by lori_luv 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, I'll take you at your word and make a wild suggestion. I'm not endorsing this as a lifestyle, by the way.
I suggest that you agree to open marriage if you have the same freedoms that he does. If he blows his top and gets jealous, then you'll know he's a major hypocrite at best, and you'll open a crack in this facade of an almost perfect man. If he agrees because he thinks you won't use your freedom, then test him by flirting, and/or arrange a date with a male friend (non-sexual, but don't tell him that). If he accepts that condition calmly, then there's an off-chance that removing the appeal of the forbidden fruit would make him lose interest in it. I wouldn't bet my future on it, however.
I don't know the motivation for wrecking a good relationship with upfront insistence on infidelity. Maybe he's a sex addict, maybe he's so afraid of commitment that he has to negate it, maybe his ego demands sexual attention from multiple directions. Any of these reasons are signs of psychological problems. If he really wanted to work out a future with you he'd be willing to seek treatment. Maybe he really wants you to demand that he seek treatment because he won't do it on his own.
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PS I just read your additional details. I'd say yes, there is likely a cure, but he has to want to be cured, you can't cure him with willpower. If he won't get help and you insist on taking this pain, then you'd better have money for a whole lot of therapy for yourself.
There might also be some truth to the observation that he doesn't really want other women, but he wants deviant sex from other women. In that case a sex therapist might be able to work something out.
2007-05-01 08:00:26 · answer #3 · answered by Houyhnhnm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think he is using you. If a man loves you, he wouldn't feel the need to go out and have sex with other women, you should be all the women he needs. I know you said for people not to write telling you to move on, but honey.. how would you feel if you had a Daughter and she was going thru this? That she had a man she loved, and the man "loved" her but also needed other women to make him feel good. He probably has a small ego and needs a boost and you should leave him alone until he is ready to settle down. Sex is something special, a gift given from God to share with ONE person, not a bunch of people.
2007-05-01 07:32:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The man's a tool if he says he loves you but still sleeps with other women. You have a choice. Do you want to share him or not? If you do want to, then you must learn to accept that you will not be the only one in his life. There are probably other women he's telling he loves too. If you don't want to share him, well, you already know what I'd tell you. Have a little self-respect, girl. You deserve better that what this guy can give you.
2007-05-01 07:36:50 · answer #5 · answered by Erin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you have conflicting feelings on this matter, there is no reasonable resolution...it will be all or nothing. I speak from experience.
My ex-husband spent 5 years screwing around, and I just ignored it. But after TWO STDs I couldn't do it anymore. I cannot help you to understand why men are like this...some just are. They need to fulfill more baser instincts to procreate or something. I don't get it...I just know I won't tolerate it.
I informed my current husband while we were dating that I absolutely will NOT tolerate cheating. He is ok with this, as he doesn't think that sex outside of a committed relationship or marriage is acceptable either.
2007-05-01 07:32:35 · answer #6 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I not here to criticize you, but you should not be having sex with someone that you are not married too, and if he's out here having sex with other women are he using protection and are you using protection when he comes back from the other women, you say you don't want to hear about leaving him, and you can do better, you really do want to hear that, your self esteem is low if you think that for one moment that love, its not love he is going to continue to seek other women, because it in his nature, and he knows that you don't like it, but you will keep putting up with is BS, girl drop that zero and get u a hero, and work on your self first find out why you would let a man treat you like that, that is cheating, disrespectful, and playing you sweetheart that not love you are afraid that you will not find anyone else, that why you keep putting up with his mess, Seem to me that you putting this man before God, God supplies all of your needs, ask him and he will send you that right man that will love you for you and a one woman man. Good Luck, and God Bless You
2007-05-01 07:42:39 · answer #7 · answered by Linda F 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is such a thing as a sex addict and they need help just like other addicts. However, from what you have described this doesn't sound like the case. He just sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it, too. As far as coping, some people do have "open" relationships so it seems that you have to either decide if you are going to deal with that and stay with him OR not deal with it and end the relationship because it sounds to me like he is not going to change his mind. I say dump him but I know that is not you want to hear and everyone is different. What would he do if YOU had other sexual partners? If he truly is wanting an open relationship then that should be OK with him.
2007-05-01 07:35:05 · answer #8 · answered by Wendy G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I won't tell you to move on. I will tell you the truth of the matter. You have to decide if you can really accept all of your man. This means the good and the bad. You yourself have said that you are miserable without him and yes, his response regarding that "its just sex" is pretty much dead on because there is a difference between love and sex. However, it is wonderful when the two meet. If the good truly outweighs the bad then okay, you have answered your own question. As long as he puts your needs above the whims of the other women...don't worry.
2007-05-01 07:56:34 · answer #9 · answered by mzadamz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry the reason why people tell you to move on is because it's good advice. What are you thinking??? If your not ok with the idea now your never going to be. And if he left you because you don't like it then he's sending you a clear message..."I like to have sex with other women, I'm not going to change, and your not worth me change for!" I hope that sums it up for you. There are plenty other guys out there find a good one...this type of behaviour is a relationship dealbreaker! WAKE-UP!!!
2007-05-01 07:32:45 · answer #10 · answered by Melissa D 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
oh sweety! okay i know that a lot of people don't understand why we stay in relationships with men that are cheaters but i know why he needs sex from others. He is a sex addict and you didn't cause it, can't cure it, and can't control it. If you decide to get back together with this man then suggest that he goes to sexual anonomous and seek therapy that specializes this for his addiction. You too are going to need to get into therapy and if you email me i will give you a web site that is for us codependents that has people like you and i on there that don't judge and are always there for us. I'm sorry you're going through this and yes it hurts right down to the bone. I love my husband with every ounce of my soul, but he too does this and he is therapy for it now. It is a slow process but it is worth trying to save my marriage. You can suggest this to him but remember darlin you can't force him to get into recovery. And you are also going to have to remember that like any addict there is a chance he may slip up. I do hope this helps you because i know what it is to be in your shoes.
2007-05-01 07:37:46 · answer #11 · answered by wilfeistykitten2003 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋