Am I Bipolar??

Question

As a child I have gone through a lot of trauma that I believe has affected me in a bad way. I was sexually molested at a very young age by my moms boyfriend, her later husband physically abused me and beat me. I was then put on medications to treat ADD. Riddling I believe is what it was called. I would not gain weight, I was very skinny and always emotional, and crying. I would get beat more because of this. My mom would not believe me when I told her of all these things that have happened and are happening. Then after their divorce she was fine with me and my two other siblings. We moved a lot, and I found it harder and harder to make new friends. Well I stopped taking riddling and I was doing just fine without them. I did get in trouble a lot with authorities and teacher during my middle school and high school years. When I did my last move while in school it was the worst. Everybody loved me then hated me, I stopped being myself cuz I did not fit it. I tried hard to please my mom.

. My mom would scream at me all the time and say I am ****** up and the worst kid ever. I have mental issues, im a failure im a mistake. Then when I asked her who my real father was (cuz she has told me many stories that I never believed) she said she was raped. She accused me of having an affair with her new husband. (who has a past of child molestation but never ever done anything to me) I often just wanted to die cuz I could never find happiness in my life and I didn’t want to live like that anymore.

Now 18 I recently broke up with my 3 year long boyfriend who has cheated on me after our first year together. I don’t know who I am. I know my goals and what I have always dreamed about as a child, but I do not know if I am really meant to do those things. I have so much passion for them but my past is creeping up on me now that everything is out of place and not the same as it has been in the past three years. I lived with my boyfriend since I was 15.

Got my GED when I first turned 16 and have been working full time since. He is very controlling and manipulative and has hurt my self esteem just like my mother has. But I love him just like I love my mom so I keep him in my life still. I have no friends cuz my life was all about my boyfriends and his. I sit in my own apartment either drinkin or smoking feeling sad because im too shy and nervous to try and meet new people in fear they will not like me. I cry about everynight. But yet I have thoughts that I am important and that I will accomplish the goals I have set for myself. I feel on top of the world when I think these things. But the littlest thing can reverse my feelings about that. I suddenly think “Oh you will never make it, stop getting your hopes up you will just make a fool of yourself. Don’t embarrass yourself in front of people who already think little of you.” So I begin to cry again. Then I decide to listen to music that will get my spirits back up.

I soon to feel better about life again, and just realize that life has its struggles and if you want something bad enough don’t let anything stop you. But I got back into that cycle where I often doubt myself then feel on top of the world again. This weekend I wanted to get out of my apartment cuz it was sunny and warm out. I decided to go to the beach and read a book in the sand. I drove down there then started thinking people might think I am weird and make fun of me if they see im all by myself reading. So I thought about it thinking “Don’t care what other people think as long as you are doing something you enjoy” well I ended up cruising the strip a few times before I drove home.

I don’t know whether these mood swings are because of whats going on in my life and who is in my life that is affecting me or if I am Bipolar with mental issues. I keep fighting myself over these…one part of me is telling me that I just need to dust the dirt off my shoulder and try and start new

and the other is telling me that I am just a coward in denial of being bipolar.

Please if you have any knowledge on bipolar any answers and suggestions would be very helpful. I am reaching out and would hate to be turned down.
Ps I don’t have medical, my parents wont pay for it, and I am on my own paying bills and I am often left very broke.

Answer 1

Do you know a lot of children that have been abused are dx as ADHD/ADD. You could well have a mental health disorder because of all that has happened to you. I do know a lot of people that have been abused then have borderline personality disorder or /and bipolar. you life sounds a lot like mine. I was abused and mental abused as well then there was the bullying at school as I also moved far to much. with out having some symptoms I can not say if you have any disorder I can say you should seek advice from a doctor and take a look on the NIMH to see if you may fit into any of the disorders.
the link is below.
I have bipolar ll, SAD, GAD, borderline personality disorder and a few others.
If you ever need to talk you can email me and I will get online. don't give up hope and you should get the help you need and deserve, nothing that happened was your fault and you are a good caring person. please get help so you can move on with your life to a better time. I promise it does get better.

Answer 2

About your Question in being Bipolar only a professional can answer that! My opinion is that you suffer from a lot of abuse and need to talk to someone about your past and deal with it.
Once you have dealt with all your past issues leave them in the past things do get better. You can always reflect upon your past but you don't have to live there anymore. About Pleasing your mom. That is because you felt you had to because things just seemed to be all your fault and that isn't true you are a people pleaser. One thing that is for sure you need to take care of yourself and no one else you matter the most. You are not Replaceable everything else is materialistic but your life is not. Always remember That! Smoking Mary- Jane plays with the chemicals in anyones brain and we live in a fog for days and even a month or so after we stop so your best bet is to stop all and see the world for what it is. You will see things clearly and accept and appreciate things in life This is a fact. Little things are great rewards. I like living in the here and know verses the FOG. F----ed On Growth. Add a R in there FROG Fully Rely On God. That is where my life is today one day at a time that is all God has give us.

Answer 3

Sounds more like borderline personality disorder than bipolar. Borderline is often seen as a version of post traumatic stress disorder, because almost everybody with borderline has been abused in the past. Use google to find a list of symptoms etc.

Whatever the name of the condition is you have (and you might qualify for more than one... sometimes I view the DSM-IV as a "collect them all"-game), recovering and getting a normal life are going to take a lot of work. Try to find a good psychologist... ask him/her whether he/she recommends a psychiatrist as well (for meds). Spend time in the library reading books on mental conditions and books on stuff like assertiveness. Most books are crap but some are good... you're not going to get over an abusive past in a few weeks, I'm afraid, but things do get better over time.

Good luck.

PS, the ADHD meds are called Ritalin.

Answer 4

I'm bipolar, it doesn't sound like your bipolar to me. It sounds more like you've had a very hard life so far & you've been hurt & let down by the people who were supposed to love you & now you have no self esteem & don't know how to feel, except bad. You need to find a therapist, someone who you feel gets what you tell them & you feel comfortable with. You need to be able to let go of your past & make a new future. You need to learn to see the positive things about yourself. Good Luck!!!

Answer 5

i have ADHD and i take meds and im also bipolar i was diagnosed with it like two years ago and im now 14 you sound like you have had a really hard life you need to erase your past and most of all show every1 that hates/doen't like you ,that you are a good person prove your mom wrong that you are not f*cked up that you can make sumthing of yourself you are not a screw up or anything like that you are a human being with feelings of emotion and a HORRIBLE past that your mom didn't help you with your problems go to collage you might not have the money but get a loan make sumthing of yourself you are too young to waste your life like this you can make a difference a BIG difference maybe you could talk to younger teens that have gone through the same thing as you help them but b4 you can help any1 else you have to help yourself I WILL PRAY FOR YOU every day and night and i hope things turn around for you you are in GODS HANDS

Answer 6

Wow, I am really sorry to hear this! I can relate in so many ways. I am not quite sure if you are bi-polor. You could be suffering from Post Tramatic Stress Disorder, Also known as PTSD. It happens when we go through really hard stressful things. I am going to list some symtoms, and if you can relate to them, then there is a chance that you may be, and you should really talk to your doctor. Medication will help, and put you on a track of feeling better.

Bi-Polor Symptoms~
Increased energy, activity, restlessness, racing thoughts and rapid speech.
Excessive euphoria
Extreme irritability and distractibility
Decreased sleep requirement
Uncharacteristically poor judgment
Increased sexual drive
Denial that anything is wrong
Overspending
Risky-behaviors


PTSD Symptoms~
Traumatic experiences can produce feelings of anxiety, depression, despair, hopelessness, reoccurring anger, self-blame, guilt, and shame, as well as sexual dysfunction, compulsive or aggressive behaviors, sleep disorders, and concentration problems.

Answer 7

No one on here can diagnose you as being bipolar, also sometimes referred to as manic depressive disorder. I'd go to a qualified mental health professional for that diagnosis. I'd get rid of the boyfriend if I was you. Get some medication that will help you feel better about yourself, and don't forget the counseling, to help you understand that you deserve better than that. Good luck~

Answer 8

i think you have both bipolar disorder and depression...or maybe its just the events that have taken place in you life..but take and online test here just to have a sense of what or if you have a mental illness
i have depression...so you're not alone although my past event weren't as bad as yours...

take a free online test:
http://www.healthyplace.com/site/tests/psychological.asp

* remember this is not a diagnosis- its just an online test..
only your psychiatrist can diagnose you with a mental disorder....

hope this helps =)

Answer 9

Wow you had a hard life. It doesnt sound like your bipolar but you are suffering from your past. It sounds like you need some counseling and therapy. Usually bipolar people just fly off the deep end for no reason but you have legit past circumstances that are affecting you.

Answer 10

I dont think it sounds like bi-polar, I have it and usually it has nothing to do with my past, first i get depressed and then the things in my past just get more more depressed. Also when I get to my low point, i feel like hurting/killing myself. I also feel like i cant stand being in my own skin. And my extreme highs have nothing to do with just listening to music, its like im on drugs and cant get down. I think that it might just have to do what you have witness, experience, and what your mom has drilled into your head due to her own problems. I think you should see a counselor, and talk things out and go from there. Maybe if you just have someone you can trust and that will treat you with respect, things will get better!