2 days ago I found out that my bf was still with his ex-gf for the first half of our relationship. (We’ve been together a year and a half.) I found e-mails and confronted him. He lied at first, but then confessed eventually, after I told him I had proof. He stated that he was stupid and thought that the relationship was oven when we got together, but in fact they had some things to work out. He didn’t tell me that he needed some time, or he needed a break, because he didn’t want to loose me. I believe he’s sincerely sorry. He did not beg for forgiveness, or try to convince me to stay… he knew he was wrong. And admits that he wouldn’t stay with me if the roles were reversed. I believe that he’s willing to do what it takes to do right, no matter if it’s a life sentence. But, I just don’t know. Can people really change. Is it possible to from this day forward make things right? Start over? I believe in second chances…. but that’s it. Am I wasting my time? Anyone ever been with, or is, a recovering cheater?
2007-05-01 06:19:55 · 20 answers · asked by KMAB 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
His ex, pulled the... "I think I'm pregnant" thing to him.... I can understand why he'd be in contact with her... but why not take a break from us, until he figures things out?
2007-05-01 06:31:08 · update #1
I did not intensionally snoop. His messenger logs into his e-mail automatically. (This I did not know). Since I was there, I was reading e-mail I sent him, and came across one when I did a serch for something releated to us. It happened by accident.... otherwise, I don't think I would have ever found out.
2007-05-01 06:38:47 · update #2
You are the only one that can say if you feel he is truly sorry and you believe it to be a one time event (but can one time really last like 6-8 months?). That means he lied to you continually for a very long time, on the other hand you've now been together for 8 months where you don't think he's been lying. You've got to look inside yourself to see if you see yourself with him in the future, and you've got to really ask him if he is sorry he did this and if he thinks he'd do it again. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-05-01 06:24:41 · answer #1 · answered by tersey562 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Sure, people do change, grow up, repent, and forgive, but obviously there are no guarantees. If "with" means dating and sexual relations for nine months behind your back then you've both got a whole lot of work to do to save the relationship, and most people would just dismiss him as once a cheater, always a cheater. If this is otherwise a fabulous relationship and he thinks so too, then maybe it's worth the work and pain--it probably comes down to a gut feeling whether it is or not.
If "with" was less drastic than a full-blown affair behind your back then obviously it would be easier to trust him in the future. Regardless, you will have to work through a lot of grief and anger to get to forgiveness and reconciliation. If you short-circuit the process or he demands that you do, you will just paper over the problem and it will lead to more conflict.
Finally I would say that begging for forgiveness isn't really important. You don't need him to grovel, but you do need him to respect your feelings and to earn your trust again.
2007-05-01 13:44:02 · answer #2 · answered by Houyhnhnm 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may in fact be sorry but, maybe more sorry that he got caught. People can change but the odds of a cheater doing so are slim. You dont need to believe me to know this you just need to see all the divorce rates there are. You'll only be wasting your time if you do in fact stay with him. The whole time he had his cake and ate it too. He lied, cheated, and basically disrespected you and made you a fool in front of his ex. Believe me, she knew. Dont stay, because you'll always wonder in your mind if you can trust him when you're not around and so on. You'll drive yourself crazy and add years of life to yourself simply stressing cuz, you will stress. Forgive him if you'd like and then move ahead with your life before you make it harder on yourself to leave. If you do stay, be prepared to be hurt again or for a bumpy ride considering there will for a long time if not forever be trust issues. Learn from this experience is what I really think and move ahead. You'll find someone who is'nt confused and only needs you to complete him........Hope you find happiness..................
2007-05-01 13:50:30 · answer #3 · answered by Hannibooboo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should end the relationship. You will never trust him the same way. I know I was with a cheater for 4 years. When I would catch him he would lie and when the proof came out he would apologize. He would be good for awhile, but he always went back to his ex. In relationships trust is key, even if he isn't cheating you won't trust him. Good luck
2007-05-01 13:40:35 · answer #4 · answered by cutie322434 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
SInce this man was not married to you, he could see whoever he wanted to see. You are not his jailer! You were going through his e-mail (which you had no business doing) and found something that was better kept to yourself. And what second chance are you talking about? The man told you what happened. It's a perfectly reasonable explanation, so why does he need to start over now? And why are you calling him a recovering cheater? The man is not married to you. He can see whomever he chooses to. The reason he's not begging for your forgiveness is because he doesn't have to. You are very much confused.
2007-05-01 13:35:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'm sorry you got cot up with him. If he went that long behind your back seems to me he has no integrity. I would seriously rethink the situation. Life is short and if this is enough for you than good luck. I think you can do better...what ever you decide, good luck, either way is not easy but at least if you move on you have a shot at being happy with someone trustworthy.
2007-05-01 13:29:39 · answer #6 · answered by Poptart 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. I found out 2 weeks ago that my husband of 10 years got his female coworkers number, hid it from me, and was calling her while I was not at home. I stilll feel like I have been punched in the gut. I cannot even afford to leave him. He claimed he did nothing wrong too, and I know you want to beleive your bf like I want to beleive my husband, but I think we just need to wait and see if contact between the 2 continue, if not you have nothing to worry about.
2007-05-01 13:32:50 · answer #7 · answered by Confusious 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best advice I can give you is this....
Remember when you got with him, how close were you guys? And then read what emails, etc, you have found. Is there something sexual between them as well as between you and him?
I do not know his character, but I do know this... That men and women like that are very good at lieing and manipulating. They appear to be one way when they are another. If they aren't sure what they want then something is off.
I know from personal experience.
I have a feeling from this guy he really loves you and was really just confused because he was attached to this person and was receiving mixed signals. I would give him a chance to sort everything out and prove himself.
2007-05-01 13:29:27 · answer #8 · answered by Joyous Mommy ♥'s her ßoys 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
if your willing to forgive him and trust him then give him another chance but the relationship is going to take some time and work to keep it going. Good luck!
2007-05-01 13:24:18 · answer #9 · answered by Babe 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After going through your problem i came to know that you should give him one more chance and try to get if he really loves you or he is taking you as a objective...but if i were, I'll not give him a chance to again brake my heart....and one thing tell me,"do you really love him?"
2007-05-01 13:29:53 · answer #10 · answered by saurabh 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋