Nine year old at a funeral?

Question

My childs father wants to take her to a funeral "his mothers her grandmother". I don't think she should be exposed to this situation. She is a sensative child and an emotional child. I say she should not go. What is your opinion?

My child also has ADHD and has OCD. Her grandmother also lost all her hair, she had chemo. Her father is an emotional wreck. Now what do you think?

Answer 1

Let her go if she wants to.If she doesn't want to,don't make her.You can leave that decision to her.

Answer 2

When my father died, my step-daughter (7 at the time) went. We allowed her to decide, it wasn't forced at all, but there was no question in her mind, She WAS going. That was her Papa, and that was that. He was creamated, so his body was not there. That might would have freaked her out a little, but for 7, (9 now) she really seemed to understand death pretty well. She helped me cope by showing me that life goes on, and I had to move on for her. I think she would have felt left out or unimportant if she was unable to attend. She has also been to a few other funerals, of older family members. The only funeral we didn't allow her to attend was one for her baby cousin that died. He was only 14 days old, and her baby brother was only 3 or 4 months, and we just didn't think she was ready for that.

Honestly it depends on the child, She is nine, that is her grandmother, and as the Father, he has a say as well. I think you should reconsider letting her go. I know she is only nine, but she will have to learn to deal with death one day.

I still stand by my opinion. If you really don't care what we all think and you have apparently already made up your mind, why are you asking?

Answer 3

Her grandmother's funeral is a "situation"? A life experience, yes. Maybe she is overly sensitive and overly emotional because she has been overly sheltered.
If one of your parents were to pass anytime soon, would you feel the same way? Or would you want your daughter there with you, and paying her respects to them?
Is there some other reason why you don't really want her to go?
Sorry if all that came out harsh, I just don't believe in shielding children from life experiences, especially at an age where there is already comprehension.

Answer 4

I have a nine year old as well and he is also sensitive. We have taken him to two funerals, and I think that it is a good idea for them to get an idea about that side of life. Thats just my opinion. As a child I went to several funerals and I turned out fine. It was upsetting for my child the first time, but now he knows how to handle those types of situations, and to cherish the ones around him.

Answer 5

My grandpa passed when I was 9 and my brother was 5. We both went to the funeral, and there was never any discussion over it. In the next 8 years or so, we lost the other three grandparents. We were at all the funerals even though two of them were half-way across the country, required us to fly, and miss several days of school. I don't think I ever would've forgiven my parents had I not been allowed to say goodbye to my grandparents.

Answer 6

I think a nine year old is old enough to go to a grandparents funeral. It really depends on the child. If she really does not want to go, then I wouldn't force her, but if she wants to go I would let her. I would probably encourage her to go, but you don't want to traumatize her by making it a big issue. If she doesn't want to go and this upsets her dad, you might just tell him that you daughter wants to remember her grandmother the way she was, not from the funeral. He may be having a hard time with losing his mom, so remember it isn't just about your daughter. He may want to have his daughter with him during this time.

I still think that if she wants to go you should let her.

Answer 7

I think she should go. A nine year old should be able to handle that situation. I mean it's not like dating or wearing makeup where you set the age limit she should be before she does those things. Even if she is sensitive...she should be exposed to this part of life and allowed to experience it. If she was close to this person it could help her by allowing her to cry and mourn and say goodbye. There is no set age for needing to do that.

Answer 8

I took my 6 year old to my mom's funeral. My mom died unexpectedly, and I knew the other 2 were to young. Didn't really have a lot of time to think it through while making decisions.
BIG MISTAKE!!!!! Never should have put the kid through that.
We had an open casket. If it's closed casket, maybe. Lost 2 more parents within 3 years, no kids went to those funerals.

Answer 9

It is not damaging to expose children to death. In fact, research shows that it can help children to learn about death and give them closure over the loss of a loved one. It can also serve as reference for future losses (i.e. pets). Sheltering children from real life events can cause them more problems later on when they are forced to face it without the support you (and her father and other family) can offer. Events like funerals can also open discussions about difficult topics and teach her that it's okay to express emotion and to talk about sad things.
The only time it would be bad is if you were forcing her to go. If she wants to, then okay. If she doesn't, then she shouldn't have to. Ultimately, however, the choice is yours since you are her mom. :)

Answer 10

I remember going to my grandfather's funeral at age 5 and an uncle's funeral at age 6. I took my own daughter at age 1 to my father's funeral. Death is a part of life and I think that it will be hard for her, but it is something she needs exposure too.

Answer 11

Nine isn't too young. As long as you are honest with her and express what this means. By now your daughter knows what death is and that grandma has passed. Ask your childs father if you can go too so you can help your daughter with this. You can let your daughter make the decision too. It's an important lesson and I am betting this is quite important to her father as well.