My future MIL is shopping around for dresses, for our July wedding. She found a dress she likes that is $950. My wedding gown only costs $375 and very simple!! Our wedding is very simple. Do you think it is appropriate for her to get such a expenssive dress? Also, on top of that, my fiancés name is on her mortgage and she barely can pay the bills, let alone afford a $950 dress. She even told us when we first got engaged not to ask her for any help (money), because she can't afford to help. (Which is fine.) My fiancé tried to confront her, but she through a fit and said "I need to do things that make me happy. The bride got to pick whatever dress she wanted".
She doesn't support or marriage at all and doesn't like me. She asks my fiance things like, "Oh no she's preganant isn't she. That's why your marrying her!!??" (I'm not even pregnant)! I feel like she is going to get this dress not to make a scene. What do you think? Any advice?
2007-05-01 05:46:56 · 17 answers · asked by mlsherratt 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My future hubby did talk to her and she expressed (very loudly) that because she is the mother of the groom she gets to wear anything she wants! :( My future hubby and his mom aren't very close anymore. In the last year they have had a few falling outs. She is unapproachable and has anger management problems. Some how that woman always thinks she is right. My fiance is very sick. He has had ulcers most of his life from this woman. I can ask him to handle her, but I am very concerned with his own health and the dress isn't worth him being ill. I was hoping there is a NICE way I can handle this.
2007-05-01 06:02:52 · update #1
1) Before you two get married, his name is to be off that mortgage. She is a grown woman. If she can buy a $950 ($1,000 actually with tax's) dress, then that is a month's pay on a mortgage she can afford to pay.
If she gets the dress, well, with his name off the mortgage and off any of her own debts, then obviously she has only herself to blame. She got herself into the mess and she has to stop blaming others for not getting her out of it. If she wants a 1,000 dollar dress, fine, but she will pay for it in the end. She is being selfish and it will back fire on her. Don't feel bad either. She is a grown woman and needs a tough lesson. She has no right to judge you or hurt you in those ways. thinking he is marrying you only cuz of "pregnancy" to which you are not.
You two should not go into your newlywed marriage in debt an stay in debt, because she chooses to have sour grapes. She is using at this point.
2) She is angry and bitter at something and it is not up to you two to please her. Stick to your guns and state that if she pays that much for a dress, then she can very much well be fine on her own with out any assistance as it is.
3) It is rude for her to say "not to ask her for any help" but EXPECT you two to help her at her demand. Uh, no!
A $950 dress is NOT going to make her "happy". You are the bride, of course you have the right ot pick whatever you want to wear. $350 is reasonable, but cheap compared to other gowns. You shouldn't be belittled like that.
I recommend either telling her to straighten up the attitude or don't go. If she doesn't support the marriage, then why is she going? Imagine how she will behave on your wedding day.....if you two do not set boundries. If she has been this way with your fiance during his childhood, obviously she won't change, but it is up to you two to show her, it is not tolerated.
2007-05-01 06:26:56 · answer #1 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Unless she is wearing a full sequined and pearl white dress don't worry about it!
No one outshines the bride on her wedding day.
Oh and just because she found a dress for $950 doesn't mean she is going to buy it- she may be all talk.
Honey, you have to many other things going on to worry about something that really doesn't concern you ( the dress) .
About the other issues, If they bother you then you need to tell your future husband that the two of you need to discuss these things with his mom . If he backs down or refuses to do this then I would seriously consider re-evaluating this idea of marriage to your fiance. I send you my best. Good Luck.
2007-05-01 05:54:57 · answer #2 · answered by That_ blue_ eyed_ Irish_ lass 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is pretty sad. She is trying to be the belle of the ball on your day. You probably can't talk her out of the dress now since she bought it, but that is really awful. You should never overdress at the wedding. It takes away from the bride. I would definitely ask your future hubby to say something to her, because it sounds like it could be the beginning of a sour relationship between all three of you. Good luck and congrats on the wedding!!!!
2007-05-01 05:56:25 · answer #3 · answered by brittlynn 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The nice way to handle this is to let her have her dress, if she looks too overdone, then everyone will be whispering about her lack of class, not YOURS. Also...help your husband to be a man and stand up to his mom. She is probably resentful of you because for the first time he's got another woman he's putting first above her. The financial thing could come back and haunt you, and before the wedding, you and hubby need to sit down and have a serious talk about how you are going to handle things if Mom's spending goes nuts. If his name is on the mortgage, he is going to have to make payments to protect his and YOUR credit....so you need to have a clear understanding before it happens as to how you all will handle Mom if/when she has more financial issues or jealousy.
2007-05-01 06:10:58 · answer #4 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
It's really nice that you care more about your fiance's health than his ignorant mother. So just ignore her, let her buy whatever dress she wants (when she wears it she will probably look out of place and that will be your revenge). As soon as possible have your husband seek the advice of an attorney to get his name off her mortage and house so that any financial difficulties she gets herself into don't negatively effect you two. Good luck to you and God Bless your marriage.
2007-05-01 07:09:34 · answer #5 · answered by tersey562 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would call her and tell her that she needs to spend that money on bills and get out of debt so that you guys can take your (future) name off that mortgage. Let her know that it is a simple wedding and you don't want her to look like a fool.
2007-05-01 06:57:44 · answer #6 · answered by cr@c@l@c@j@clynn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey I wish you all the luck and fondest blessings in dealing with this woman! She is of course absolutely out of line and will only make a fool of herself! It isn`t the price of the dress that makes it beautiful but the person weraing it! She is going to do what she wants and to hell with the consequences so keep your chin up and keep your distance!
Lifes Sweetest Blessings
2007-05-01 06:05:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
This doesn't matter at all. She shouldn't have told you, I guess. Good for her for wanting to look great! You have to learn to respect her a bit more, after all she raised the man you love! She may be having a hard time letting go of her "boy". Make sure your husband stays strong and draws the mom/wife line once you are married. Be polite and be nice.
2007-05-01 08:34:11 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
She is paying for her own dress.... so what's the problem? She can wear whatever she wants and spend her cash whereever she feels like it.
As long as is not a white dress, then you shouldn;t not be concerned at all.
Good luck
2007-05-01 07:09:13 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell your fiance to stand up to his emotionally stunted, controlling mother or the marriage is off.
If you don't she will make you life hell and your husband will always be on her side, not yours.
With a start like that, I guarantee you'll be divorced within three years if your man can't cut the umbilical and grow up.
2007-05-01 05:52:11 · answer #10 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋