Fiance can't come to sister's wedding, mother will start a feud what should I do"?

Question

Hello-
My sister was planning her wedding for Sept 2008 & now she changed it to Sept 2007. My fiance (Scott) has no more vacation left and might not be able to come to the wedding. Scott is an Air Traffic Controller and his job is a lot more demanding then most. He is going to ask for it off but there are no promis b/c by then he will be done with his training & will not have the weekends off. He also won't be able to ask for this time off until later b/c no one knows who his supervisor will be, so he will have to wait until Aug. to ask. My mom does not understand this. She has also said to me why doesn't he not come home for Thanksgiving and use the time for the wedding. I told her that was not fair b/c he won't be coming home for X-mas and would like to see his family for 1 holiday. I know if it were reversed & Scott's brother was the one getting married & I told my mom I was not coming home for Thanksgiving b/c I was going to the wedding my mom would be mad. What should I do???

Answer 1

Your mom is being very very unreasonable. Stick by your fiance and his decision. Your sister changed the date to one year earlier she should expect that not everyone who said they can go will be able to still go to the wedding.

Answer 2

You need to tweak your explanation with your mom a little. Tell her that the issue is not so much about how many days he has, but what the supervisor says. Tell her that there is already another employee who requested those days well before Scott did, and so the supervisor will probably say no because he/she won't want to look like a pushover the second they take a new position. Too bad Scott didn't have earlier notice....

If you play this right, you will switch the blame from Scott's unwillingness to work Thanksgiving (understandable, of course) to the supervisor's management skills.

Answer 3

You're mom and sister need to realize that you are grown up and have your own life and future with Scott. Just tell your mom and sister straight out, "Sorry Scott can't make it to the wedding. He would really like to be there but there isn't anything he can do to get it off since he has no vacation and might not get it approved to get those days off." Or even have Scott say something to her, then she will know you're not making it up (not that she should be thinking that anyway). Once you get married, you and Scott have to work out the holidays with what family you will be spending it with. My mom also freaked out when I spent our first Thanksgiving with my husbands family. She got over it, as will you're mom. Your sister changed the date of her wedding, so it's no ones fault but hers. To tell everyone one thing and then change it, what do you expect. They need to realize that some people have to work hard for a living, and that may mean grueling and icky hours. You can't just drop everything and do what they want because they want you to do it. You can do what you can and they may think that's not good enough, but as long as you are doing as much as you can that's all that should matter. Good luck to both of you.

Answer 4

Tell them that you'll be there for your sister's wedding and Scott will be there if at all possible. Don't discuss the Thanksgiving-versus-wedding thing again. It's a losing battle. Just leave it at "I'll be there and Scott will be trying really hard to make sure he can attend." If he ends up not being able to attend, have him write a card to your sister telling her how sorry he is and wishing her a wonderful day and happy marriage.

You're a grown, married woman and your sister will be soon too. Your mom needs to butt out.

Good luck! :)

Answer 5

That is NOT fair on you fiance. My dad used to be a Air Controller too and his schedules were crazy. No holidays, weekend duty and night shifts, very little vacation time and even if you have vacation it has to be planned with plenty time in advance (6 months min) as they have to make sure that someone is available to be on duty to replace this person. They MUST be staffed 24/7!!! Calling in sick is NOT an option, and people get called in all the time even if they are off; so I completly understand and relate.

You can print this and show it to her. He is not making up excuses or lying or trying to diss them both. Inform her that there is not enough time to give his employer the required notice and that he will try, but it is not guaranteed. This the sister's fault if anyone's for rescheduling a wedding and give everyone else such short notice.

Good luck

Answer 6

I think your mother is too involved in Scott's personal job. She doesn't understand and she will not understand as I am getting she expects him to drop everything he is doing, to which he cant unless he didn't want a job anymore.

Explain to her he is going to try and hopefully, they allow at least a day off for the wedding. If not, he will be home again to congrats them and possibly even take them out to dinner or something as a gift.

I think this is made into a big deal. Your fiance is not obligated to mess up his schedule, just because they moved the wedding date up. It is an inconvenience to him and no one should be mad at him.

Answer 7

Do what's best for you and your fiance, and tell your mother not to take it personally -- at least you will be there, and that is what really matters the most.
I wonder if your mom is upset because she really wants him there, or maybe she thinks his not attending is a sign he doesn't like the family. You should ask her - because quite frankly, your fiance not attending your sister's wedding should be a very small issue for everyone involved, and certainly nothing to start a feud over.

Answer 8

Tell your mom it's out of your hands. Get you fiance to ask his boss for that day off if not then oh well. It's not the end of the world he's not missing your own wedding. Just tell your mom that you won't be coming home for thanksgiving...cause your working and ask her how she feels then. he could always call in sick that day. Anyone can go to a clinic and get a doctors note.

Answer 9

this is large which you probably did this. i'm no longer so confident no rely if this is rather names that we are called, greater so techniques and methods. case in point, monks are called pedophiles, we worship Mary and the Pope, we are no longer Christians, we are cannibals, we pray to saints, cultists, satanists, and of direction, the whore of Babylon. those impolite, conceited and infantile feedback gets them no the place- so I fail to confirm the factor for why human beings call us those names. Even after answer after answer stating that we don't worship Mary, they nevertheless bypass on stating that we do, like they have some divine reason to have faith that. they are purely misinformed- and this is by way of us Catholics to set those questions straight away. Ever notice whilst a Protestant asks a question suitable to the Catholic church, many Catholics answer thorough and specific solutions, the ultimate suited answer- however the Protestant nevertheless selections yet another Protestant answer simply by fact the ultimate answer? i think of this is hassle-loose insecurities. all of us comprehend that none of those names or claims are actual, and that i've got faith that for the duration of seek of the ultimate suited solutions from fellow Catholics right here in R&S will purely make us greater suitable. Protestants are lacking plenty- they are no longer purely lacking the rather physique and Blood of Christ, they are lacking so plenty greater, God's actual presence. forget suitable to the assaults, simply by fact this is purely blatant lies.

Answer 10

First off, it's your SISTER'S wedding, not your mother's. If she's not upset over this, your mother certainly shouldn't be.

Secondly, your fiance is WORKING, it's not as though he's not coming to the wedding because of a weekend with the guys. My dad was an ATC for 30 years (he's now retired FAA), and your fiance is going to be working alot of the mid shifts and weekends to start off with. They also have that rotating shift thing (I'm guessing they still have it, my dad worked with it his whole life), and those are usually posted a couple of months in advance. I understand EXACTLY where he is in his career, and you're absolutely right to make the assumption that he won't be able to be there for the wedding. Heck, I could tell you about the Christmas morning we had Santa Claus at 4 in the morning, because Dad had to be at work by 6 (that was during the strike though). ;-)

You need to tell your mother that you're sorry that your fiance probably won't be able to attend the wedding, but there's nothing that can be done about it. If your family chooses to make your life miserable about it, you can choose to stay home with your fiance and not go to the wedding. I almost had to do that recently with my brother's wedding, because my daughter couldn't come because of school committments--and that's exactly what I told my brother and sister who were all upset over it. I basically said "look, she can't be there, getting angry with me about it is NOT going to change that fact. All it will do is really make me angry about this. At this point, I'm still willing to go, but I'm not going to be there, and have you guys all angry with me, and cause a huge drama at the wedding. This day is about ____ (my brother) and his bride, not family drama. I refuse to the the catalyst for any family drama, and if my presense will cause it, I simply won't be there." This is one of those situations where "crying over spilt milk" won't solve anything. The best thing for everyone to do is to suck it up and deal with it, enjoy having YOU there, and enjoy having your fiance when he's there.

Best of luck to you and your fiance with his career with the FAA. You're basically a step down from military (and, during times of war, the FAA is under the Department of Defense, not Dept. of Transportation--interesting fact) Good luck to you both!

p.s. I'll second what Blunt said, calling in sick is NOT an option. To the folks who think it is an option, you're talking about the folks who direct the airplanes up in the air--how would you feel sitting in your airplane seat at 30,000 ft. and wondering if the guy who's supposed to keep the sky safe for your airplane has "called in sick" to go to a wedding.