Does not being a stay-at-home mum make me a bad mother and wife?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 5 years now and have a 3 yr old son together name Jordan. I’m a chef and decided to get back to work and open my own restaurant 6 months after my son was born. My husband’s a lawyer so he works regular 9-5 days. On an average weekday, my husband leaves for work around 8.30am and gets back 5.30 pm while I leave for work around 7pm and get back somewhere between midnight and 1am.I keep a spotlessly clean house, have a gourmet dinner on the table by the time he gets home and spend pretty much all day with our son until I have to leave for work. Last night we had a massive argument about my restaurant, which turned out to be a huge success. He told me he couldn’t do this anymore and unless something changed in regard to my working hours he wants out. Why should I have to give up all my dreams just because I have a husband and a child? Does working when I can more than afford not to make me a bad mother and wife?

Answer 1

absolutely not in fact its just as hard if not harder than any other job be proud of the fact you are a stay at home mum some mums dont have that choice and have to work leaving them with less time with their children

Answer 2

If my job was coming between me and my family, I would consider another job or at least some type of change. You may have a spotless house, a gourmet dinner on the table, and spend time with your son but you never once mentioned time with your husband. Our husbands should come before our children. He should be the person you try to spend the most time with, especially if you hardly see him because you get home so late. I suggest you try to compromise in this situation. Sit down with your husband and try to work something out. That doesn't mean you have to give up your dreams of being a chef, but in the end having a career will not make up for not having a family. Our priorities should always include our family first. I can't imagine not seeing my husband everyday because he works all evening and I would work all day. That's not a marriage. And because you had a massive arguement, I am sure some heated words were exchanged but in the end if you both love each other you can work through it.

Answer 3

No, you aren't a bad mother, but according to your husband there is a problem with your relationship - this doesn't mean you're a bad wife, but if he's unhappy, then you should do what you can do to work on that (within REASON). If I'm reading your schedule correctly, you only see your husband for an hour and a half each day. It's understandable that he feels neglected.
Is it possible for you to find a competent manager to work in your place some nights, or perhaps cover your shift until your husband heads to bed? This might be a possible solution.
You may need to decide what you really want out of life and make some tough decisions. Hopefully it doesn't come down to that and you are able to find some kind of compromise.

Answer 4

No but you must realize that the hours you are keeping are great for your son but not so great for your marriage. Sometimes we have find a way to balance work and marriage and motherhood and housekeeping and...well you know. Maybe try to give a Sous Chef a chance and take a couple evenings off every week to spend time with your family in the evening , to connect with your husband. This would I think ease the stress.

Look you arent a tight rope walker and balancing it all out is hard that doesnt make you a bad wife or mother you sound like a great Mom and a concerned wife so your restaurant is successful -that's great!! but work success isn't so great when it isn't balanced by a good loving home life.

Answer 5

Not a bad mother since you spend your days with your son. But maybe not so great as a wife right now. When your husband gets home from work, you serve dinner and then off to work; do you spend any quality time with your husband? Don't get me wrong, I think it's wonderful that you are fulfilling your dreams. I went back to school to fulfill a dream of mine, and it was VERY hard on my marriage. Maybe you can let your son go to day care for a few hours a day, giving him some socialization skills anyway, and use that time to go to the restaurant. Then spend more evenings with your husband. It might not work for your restaurant, so you need to do what works best for you, but your husband might be missing you. Something to consider.

Answer 6

you aren't a bad mother or wife, but take a moment to think how your hubby may feel, he has less than 2 hours with you including dinner time!

You are there all day for your son, and that's great. I applaud you for your restaraunt and your success, but family is a greater priority, is there any way you could possibly not go to the restaurant a couple nights a week and spend that time with your husband?

Maybe stop in the restaurant during the days when your hubby is at work... to take care of the couple hours of work you do in the evenings (if possible)

Answer 7

NOT AT ALL!!!! As long as your child is cared for by a responsible person and there is consistency in his life (like a daily routine or the same nanny or sitter) then he should be fine. Give him all the love you have and follow your dreams at the same time. After all everyone knows "If mom's not happy, No one's happy"
Maybe your husband misses you and this is his way of getting you to come home. I would talk to him about it and tell him how unhappy it would make you to leave your job. Plan some special time together for just the two of you each week and things should calm down. It's tough working opposite shifts. I'm sure you can work it out. Good Luck

Answer 8

First, congratulations on your success. And also for the fact that you are able to spend so much time with your son while running your own business. It sounds like your son is getting little, if any, daycare and getting lots of Mommy care, which is great. And having worked for attorneys for years, I find it fantastic your husband has normal working hours.

Chances are, your son only spends a few hours a day with your husband, but that he may feel he is over-burdened with cleaning up after dinner and putting your son to bed. To help this, I would try to have your son "ready for bed" as early as possible. That way, after dinner, it's only a short process for getting ready for bed, they can have "boy time," and your son can go to bed.

You may also have to address the possibility that your husband is slightly threatened by your success, and perhaps he is missing spending time with you. Make sure you set aside time for the both of you every week. You have to remember that your relationship with each other is as important as your being a good parent because your son will catch on if you aren't happy.

This, I have personal experience in because my husband went back for another science degree, which keeps him studying all the time, and he also works a 40-hour week over 3 days. We barely see each other and that is hard, but mutual understanding and a few low-sleep nights makes it work!

Answer 9

I don't see why two people need to work in USA. Maybe they should make everything cheaper so the mother can do her job and raise the children. I imagine your child doesn't get the loving bond with you that it needs becasue it's at a daycare all the time. A child needs it's mother's love to feel good and to turn out into a good member of society. If the USA wasn't so dang into making everything cost more and people learned to go without a lot of things like computers, cell phones, more than one car, TV everything would be a lot easier and simpler and the children would benefit more from the children being at home all the time with the mother minus when the child was at school.

Answer 10

This is one of those over analyzed questions here on Yahoo. The stay at home moms and working moms going head to head about all the different issues.
But I have to say, if you don't leave until 7pm and your hubby is home at 5:30, I say it sounds like you have the best of both worlds. You have your restaurant and you have all day with your son. Your hubby on the other hand sounds like he misses you. Maybe you could try to etch out a little time for him. Is there any way you could be home one night a week all night?
Maybe take your son to daycare 1-2 days a week so you can be home at night those days? Just throwing ideas out there. But your husband is just asking for you to spend more time with him. You spend lots of time with your little boy and your house is clean.

Answer 11

No, it doesnt make u a bad mother or wife. Sometimes you just have to get out of the house even if it is to work. i sat home with my kids for 6 years and trust me, it got old quick. Dont get me wrong I love my kids and my fiance' but you can only do so much at home before you feel like thats all you are there for is to make your man happy by puttin supper on the table and washin his clothes. But you also have to find some time for him, that may be the reason he is feeling like this. But no it does not make you out to be a bad mother or wife. You do what you feel is right and dont let him pressure you into doing anything yo dont want to do. If you do quit then that will make it worse because thats not want u want.