What causes a person to fabricate events in their lives all the time?

Question

My 18 yr old daughter is constantly telling lies. For instance, I allowed her (then 15) to live with her sister about 15 miles away and attend a different school. Before long, she made new friends but when I invited them to stay over, they all declined as if they were afraid to.
Heres why. She had told them that her step-father had attempted to rape her and that i refused to believe it and i was siding with him. In all fairness, he did make a comment once that was out of line but THATS ALL!
She denies ever saying it.
Then one day her boyfriend called to yell at me about not making sure that she gets her medication after her chemotherapy!?! For what?
Now she is in Tenn. and says she is expecting a child Aug 1. From what she's has said on the phone, ie; Dr. appts, nausia, etc. I believed. Her # has been disconnected. She said she moved in with her b-friends parents. I just learned theirs no baby and she never moved.
There must be a reason. What do I do to stop this?

Answer 1

A feeling of inadequacy and a search for attention

Answer 2

Maybe you should try to look back at all the events that occured while she was a toddler, schoolage child, and a teenager. It may be because you and the original father are not together, and there may be things you have done to her that you don't realize you did, and maybe she wanted you to support her when her stepfather said something out of the way. I have a little sister in the same boat and our mom married another man and she does the same thing your daughter does, and I can see why because my mother never paid me or my sister one ounce of attention since we were born. It's always been about some man. And no matter what happens she is always gonna take that man's side over ours even if he is wrong. I'm not saying she should take our side all the time but at least when me or my sister is right. The problem is you don't sit with your daughter face to face and listen to her talk, and when you do hear her talk DO NOT voice your opinions until you have cleared the air with her. That' s all kids want is for parents to understand, instead of judging all the time. I can't talk to my mom or anyone in my family, but they are so far gone it's too late to try, but I know your daughter loves you, and she does want to open up but you have to be willing to listen.

Answer 3

If the problem isn't that your daughter is delusional or even split personality, attribute the excessive lying to an extreme lack of self-esteem. She's also very very needy, which means no matter how much "positive" attention people give it will never be enough and it will always be questioned because of the lack of self-worthiness. So, people like your daughter will try to come up with other ways in which to get attention that they think would make themselves more interesting and more in need of said attention.

If I was you I would try to get your daughter help and let her know that you love her and she doesn't need to make up lies just to gain your attention.

If she continues this type of lifestyle she will never have anything healthy in her life.

Answer 4

Usually when people lie it's because they're either trying to cover something up or they're looking for attention. From what you describe, it sounds like your daughter's looking for attention. Are you sure her step-father only made a comment and THATS ALL? Are you taking your daughter's word or your husband's word about what happened? At 15 why did your daughter want to live with her sister instead of with her mother?

Without knowing you or your daughter, two things are coming to mind. Either he did try to rape her and because you refuse to believe her she's acting out OR she's feeling left out and jealous of your relationship with your new husband. You don't say how long the step-father has been in the picture so only you can decide if jealousy is a possibility.

Either way, your daughter is hurting. If you're able to contact her let her know that you love her and you want to reconnect with her. Let her know you recognize you may have hurt her without realizing it and that you're willing to listen and to make amends. Try to get her to talk about whatever it is she's so upset about. Be open to the possibility that you may be wrong about what happened between her and her step-father. That's not something you want to think about but if you want to help your daughter you have to be willing to at least consider the possibility.

You can't stop her from lying. Only she can do that. You can try to address the cause of the lies but you have to find out what that is before you can do anything. The best course of action is to try to open up communication with her, let her know you love her and do your best not to judge so she will feel safe in communicating with you. If you do this consistantly eventually she may trust you enough to be honest with you. Good luck to you both.

Answer 5

It sounds like there is a lot of pain in her life and that there is so much more going on with her. I know you may not want to hear this but I am sure that her upbringing plays a huge role in it. The fact that you can say your husband just made a inappropriate comment like it is no big deal sends up lots of red flags. I would think about counseling for both of you.

Answer 6

Sometimes people are in a desperate need for attention. I think the fact that she only tells "bad" lies about things very dramatic and awful is a sign of it. With those lies, she leads people to feel sorry for her, take care of her, be sympathetic and so on.
Of course it must be terrible for you as a dad to hear such things. Did you already try to speak with her? Or can't you think about something that happened to her in her youth that would have lead her to need this attention so badly?
Good luck and keep faith, she's still young. It can only get better!

Answer 7

Send her to a therapist, she obviuosly is very very insecure and feels the need to make up these lies for attention, the fact is though as well as hurting herself she is dangerous to others - one day she may accuse another man of rape and see it throught to court or something, i'd go and see her face to face and confront her with the facts, she needs help badly.
Godd luck

Answer 8

If a person is choosing to do this they are enjoying the applause however bad the person is at acting. Really, dishonesty is committed to control the thoughts of others....it's not happiness and it's cowardly. Just go on with your life she is at war with herself and involving others if this is going on. She may be even limiting herself to people that see themselves as her personal savior. You don't have to put up with it towards yourself when dishonesty is present. That's what you can do.

Answer 9

That child is looking for attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative or positive, just as long as it's attention. She need professional help. The greatest thing you can do for her is to try to get it for her. Fact is, talk with her, find out why she feels the need for all this attention and then offer to get counceling with her. She'll love ya for it and you'll feel better about your relationship with her.

Answer 10

i understand exactly what you are going thru!! my son, who is now 21 is the same way... he lied to people about ALL his family, (told people HE had to pay my bills, and that he lived on the "streets" at 15), serious lies...
he now lives about 200 miles from me, and i think thats good, maybe he can lie about others...
he was diagnosed as bi-polar... he wont take meds for it
good luck