How can I convince my parents I don't want them in my life?

Question

When I was a teen I made mistakes and they were harsh and cruel. I apologized sincerely, but for 6 months I was punished and though I pleaded for their trust and forgiveness they were extremely cruel and didn't give. Now I'm 23, a biologist, doing well in my life, the girl they wanted. But since my teen years I've been so resentful that I avoid them and haven't seen them for more than 4 years. For 3 months they've kept callng me every day, want to fix our relatioship, say they love me, all that crap. This is getting on my nerves. They are part of a past I want to forget forever,want to delete this bad file. Told them to leave me alone and that I want them out of my life, but they keep insisting.

Answer 1

Mistakes - did you ever own them or did you rebel and flee? Strictness and consistency IS love. Taking into consideration that there are individuals out there that lived thru parents that beat them because they had a bad day, an addiction, etc - consider time - it stands still "4 years" according to your info.

"say they love me, all that crap" ~ Do you realize how many people have never once heard this come out of their parents mouth? You are living in a world that feeds on destruction in families....you problem-solve for a paycheck don't you? What's wrong with using those skills to live life?

Answer 2

Unfortunately, they are your parents and they do love you. I would let them back into your life and punish them - and explain that you are punishing them. I'd certainly take advantage of that situation!
You don't say what mistakes you made as a teenager but I'm imagining they were pretty bad mistakes. You also don't say how you became a biologist - normally, college is a costly experience and parents pay tuition. Did they pay yours?
You say you resent them and have resented them since your teen years. I can only imagine how much they resented you when you were making your 'mistakes' as a teen.
Parents do love children immensely. What you fail to see - because you can't - is how they watched you grow from birth to those teen years and how they hoped for the best from you. You disappointed them and they punished you. Now the fact that they punished you so severely has poisoned your life with them.
You will probably never have kids. Why would you want anything like that? Oh, you do, you say? Well, it's much too long a time to wait for you to learn some compassion for your parents. So do it now. Your children will appreciate having grandparents. You will understand how fierce the love a parent has for a child can be.

Answer 3

I would like to know what they did that you define as "cruel". I consider acts of cruelness to involve physical, emotional,and mental abuse. If they simply didn't trust you or let you out of their sight I doubt that's an act of cruelty. So, the question to ask yourself is, do you really feel what they did (for punishment) can truly be defined cruel or did it just feel that way when you were younger and those feelings carried over into adulthood? Also, was your parent's form of punishment effective? Do you think, had they been more lenient, that you could consider that behavior as part of your past and have the ability to do well today?

Think about the whole situation,with an open mind, and maybe the help of a therapist before you deny yourself a relationship with your parents. However, if they truly were abusive then I wouldn't blame you for wanting to keep them away.

Answer 4

Sounds like you want all the credit for how well you turned out. It's as if they had nothing to do with it. Would you be in this same position had they truly showed you tough love and sent you to jail?

Let's review, "When I was 16, I went to a party, got drunk, joined some trouble makers my age and we broke several windows and graffited some walls"

Instead of sending you through the judicial system they " for 6 months I was grounded from everything and had to clean walls houses, really worked as a janitor. I couldnt have any fun and even wear my nice cothes."

Sorry, but boo hoo for you. You're an ingrate. You are so self absorbed by this grudge your holding that you are willing to throw away family because they made you clean walls. It's pathetic.

Finally you say " Now I'm 23, a biologist, doing well in my life, the girl they wanted"

No your not. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but it's not nearly as harsh as you're being to your parents.

Answer 5

You parents are important no matter what. When they tell you they love you, obviously they have forgiven you and want you back. There is mistake on both sides, but you said it's been years. It's time to forgive. Since you are successful now, be happy with what you have and be even more happy that your parents havent disowned you for your past mistakes. Only parents can love you in that special way which no man or woman can give.

Answer 6

Don't write them out. So they made mistakes too. Seems they're willing to accept your's how about accepting their's and get on with having a relationship with the 2 people that honestly won't be there forever and when they're gone, there's no fixing that broken relationship then. Cherish you're parents while you have them. You would want that from your children. Good luck.

Answer 7

i think you're the cruel one. sure, you may think that they're cruel and stuff, but who was the one that let you have oppurtunities to learn? they are the ones who brought you into the world, the one who could give you the chance to work and buy the computer you're looking at now. you owe everything to them. maybe you don't see things from their point of view. it's all "i" avoid them, "i" am resentful, try to see things from their point of view. you shouldn't avoid them at all. reconcile and forgive if they have done wrong. forgive, if you didn't, you would be actually breaking your parent's heart. don't keep thinking that they don't care, they should have seen this coming, the fact is god placed them there for a reason and i don't think you've any right to treat them like this. god bless and hope you come to your senses and let your conscience guide you.

Answer 8

it's simple. you have to workout your past to move on. you will always no matter what have that issue on the back of your mind otherwise. talk to your parents. you might feel differently and if you're saying you wont... you dont know that. nothing is certain in life. in the case of feeling the same after you talk to them... let them know where you stand and how you feel and the outcome you want. this way you can peacefully put your past to rest. knowing you did everything the right way. dont forget also that no matter what their mistakes were... they are your parents and they gave you life. they deserve to be heard and to be given an explanation. whether they did it back then or not (hear you out) they deserve to know what they did wrong. you cant do anything to change the past but you sure can change your future (cliche i know but true)... dont let that experience make you bitter and affect you later in your family life. talk about it, get it off your chest and move on.

Answer 9

It's probably because they love you that they're pushing to contact you. Now that you're on your feet and you are a strong woman, it probably wouldn't hurt to give it one more try. If they let you down again, then get on with your life. It could possibly be that one of them have a sickness or something and they won't tell you right now. Who knows? My parents have hurt me in the past too, and I'm being very careful, but I'm keeping a pretty casual parent-child relationship going. I'm keeping my guard up, but I'm slowly giving them another chance. I think it's worth a try. I know they've hurt you and they don't deserve another chance, but they are your parents, and I think it would be worth one more risk.

Answer 10

Part of growing up and maturing is forgiving mistakes of the past. Holding onto a grudge is only a burden that you carry with you every waking hour.

My advice to you is to let the past go and remember that these people are your parents, the people who raised you and provided for you your entire life. Don't let one bad experience ruin that. You might find that you'll regret not having them in your life when they have passed on.

I wish I still had my dad here on this earth to call.