I don't feel welcome at church anymore and I don't know what to do?

Question

I go to a large pentecostal church, where they have what you call 'groups' where you meet up in peoples homes outside the normal Sunday services.

1. I'm shy.
2. I don't like groups, I'm better on a one-to-one.
3. I've been to house groups before where all there was, was
gossip.

I like only to go to the church services on Sundays and then go home. Each Sunday, they always ask the congregation who is in a home group. Of course, my hand never goes up! I get the impression that if we don't go to these groups, then "why are you here". I emailed one of the pastors about how I felt, but received no reply. To have these groups is part of the churche's 'vision'. What do you think? I only like to stay on the fringes.

Answer 1

Well you are showing independant thought, kind of a scary thing to any group that wants to control and/or monitor you in one or more ways.

just food for thought

on a serious note, find a different church
jesus didn't pressure folks, so why should this church?

Answer 2

Different religious groups have different visions of where they feel they can best serve the Lord. Some are into visiting strangers' homes. People who belong to those churches are more extroverted.

Some churches gather used clothes and make quilts to sell to send money to missionaries. Some churches just like to sing a lot and have big picnic dinners after church.

And some churches just read sermons, have some cookies and then go home.

I'd say you'd want to use the Yellow Pages and to begin checking out different churches - one each Sunday - to see if it is worth a second look or you can mark it off your list.

And remember - each Pentecostal Church will be different from the next one. It is the preacher that gives it the "flavor" it has.

Answer 3

I suggest:

(1) Visiting several other churches on Sunday, especially those which might be close to the Pentecostols but don't have the visiting of homes bit. If you like what you see and hear, change church membership.

(2) Visit with new pastors at these other churches and ask about what might be required of you outside of church attendance on Sundays.

If a pastor puts his e-mail address out there for all to see, you contact him and he does not reply, then something is drastically wrong. At the very least he could say, "Let's get together and talk about this."

About the gossip: Any time you see this going on in a church or other organization, stay clear of it. You did the right thing. Don't get your name involved in something that could hurt someones feelings down the line and also hurt your own reputation.

Many people join a church to become heavily involved in activities outside of church attendance. Many of them are "doers" and believe this is their way of helping God. Others though think this is a way for them to get to Heaven and they are better than other people -- they do not see the benefit of "being" rather than "doing." I often wonder myself what goes through their minds as the church service is going on.

Don't wait to act on this. If you feel are feeling uncomfortable then now is the time to make a change.

Answer 4

Bottom line is you need to find another church. Here are my reasons for making this recommendation:

1. Your church asks for a public showing of hands to indicate participation. Whether or not you attend a small group is between you and Christ and should not be part of the Sunday service.

2. Your pastor didn't answer your e-mail. A pastor that truly cares for his flock would at least acknowledge that you sent something at at least tell you to make an appointment with him (or one of the associate pastors) so that you can discuss your issue.

It took me a long time to find a "home church." I have a set of requirements for a church I am to be a part of. I don't believe these are too stringent and I believe many churches fit them:

1. The preaching/teaching must be biblical.

2. Preacher/pastor must be humble - a servant leader like Christ.

3. The atmosphere must be welcoming.

That's it. The church I attend now has small home groups like yours. We are encouraged to attend and we are given information as far as time and place. That's where it ends.

Hope this helps

Answer 5

I guess this is one of the reasons why I don't go to church or follow an organised religion. Religion should be about unconditional love and acceptance of all human beings and your church clearly isn't achieving this. We are all capable of achieving the same level of consciousness as Jesus and living as he did, and he didn't feel the need to attend church or home groups.

May I suggest you have a look at the website:

www.askrealjesus.com

Answer 6

Alot of us have been through that and no doubt, many of us cringe at the thought of it.

True, gossip isn't that inspiring but I'm sure we agree that the "vision" for such groups didn't include gossip, so the ideals cant be blamed for that one.

However, part of the vision for any church must be to live out of the good God intended for us as believers. I would hazard a guess that this dilemma wont ever vanish until we've come face to face with the Spiritual agenda at work within each of us; our feelings of self consciousness and unease aren't doing any of us any favours...we all have to let go sometimes and focus on positive development rather than letting personal weaknesses dictate to us.
I only began to overcome these same feelings by joining a choir and standing in front of thousands of people...I almost chewed through the side of my mouth with nerves, but it was worth it. It's better to go through it, than to let nerves crush us.

ps. If your house group carries on gossiping, find one that doesn't ;)

Answer 7

I understand, I grew up shy too.
From the sound of it right now if I were you I would stop going to groups. 1. you talked to one of your pastors and him not replying dose not show care or intrest, that is not a good exsample to set. 2. Gossip is not good, Groups should be about fellowship not gossip, that is what God calls hippercipts. Don't get me wrong Groups can and should be a good thing. But it should be teaching you things like other veiws on Gods word and finding what you have in commen with a few other people so when you need to talk about something you have a good friend you feel confrontable with and when you just want to go and do something you have good friends to go with. You can learn a lot from others, God speaks through others and when you have down falls in life they are there to help pick you up. God gave each one of us differant gifts one can not be the whole body. God dose want us to have fellowship. But this gossip thing is not of God. God says the chruch is the people not the building and when something afects one it afects all. I think I would let the pastor now about this gossip we should have each others backs not try and find and talk bad about each other and if he don't seem to care or do any thing about it, I would find another Church. That is the type of thing that turns people away from God and God say's to be fruitfull and share his love. Talking bad about fellow christians is not love, it's self rightest and if the pastor lets it go on find another church.
Sorry if anythig is not spelled right, my spell check is not doing it's job.

Answer 8

Now you see how Church people behave...Why don't you find something else to do on Sunday mornings?
You can even pray at home...If you want to. You don't need a group to pray with.

Answer 9

I am not Anti-church, even if an agnostic I think the teaching of a decent set of values is no bad thing. However, I do not believe that there is ever any need for the Church, in whatever form, to throw guilt at its congregation in order to force the lifestyle of the individual.

I really have never seen why this pressure is required, my grandfather (now passed on) was a Lay-Preacher for many years and I remember even then that there was an undercurrent of snobbery and gossip, hardly christian behaviour as is supposed to be taught is it. If you want to learn teachings and understand the text etc. etc. the need to be grouped together under one roof is really not required and as far as I am concerned is simply a money-making exercise, NOT for the good of the people.

If you want to learn and continue your life with your beliefs (which I am sure you will), phone around other churches, talk to Pastors etc. and be happy in the place you want to be. They will understand and may make you feel better.

Answer 10

Oh the hypocrisy among christians. I'm not talking about you....I'm talking about the people who are supposedly your religious peers and "brothers and sisters of your faith", who are ignoring you and gossiping about you. What kind of church is that? Does the church also have cliques, like in high school? Geez, the immaturity among grown adults really astounds me sometimes. And the fact that your pastor hasn't the time to simply reply to your email, when its his freggin' job to help the members of his congregation, is just pitiful! If your congregation were true believers in your faith, they wouldn't be gossiping about you, they'd be inviting you and trying to help you. And if your pastor was a decent teacher and leader, he would have replied to your email asap and he'd be trying to help you in any way possible. Its not christian-like to leave one stranded......
I think you should change churches.
I am an atheist, but I am not one to tell people what to believe and what not to believe. But as a former christian, I know where you are coming from.