what does it take? i'm attractive, sexy, have a nice body, smart, well spoken, make good money, drive a nice car, educated, independent, honest, have integrity, can be very sweet or naughty, 25-so i'm in my prime, not needy... what's it gonna take to get the guy i'm dating to want to commit to me? i'm tired of playing this game, i understand his carreer is hectic and there isn't time in his day but i'm worth the pleasure so why won't he risk the pain? his ex is such a ***** who cheated on him and blah blah blah but seriously, what do i have to do? ignore him? freakin' A! tell me!!!
2007-04-30 20:21:14 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
almost 4 months in
2007-04-30 20:32:20 · update #1
i'm not egocentric, i just hold myself in high regard with just... i'm not saying i'm better than others, i'm just good at being me
2007-04-30 20:35:03 · update #2
What are you asking? Are you asking for someone to tell you about some "trick" so that you can manipulate him into making a commitment to you? I think that is the wrong way to go about things. If the two of you get married do you have a supply of manipulative ways to get him to do things that he doesn't want to do but that you want him to do? What kind of a relationship is that?
Why not talk "with" (not to) him when the 2 of you are alone and have some time. Tell him that you would like to have a more committed relationship than the 2 of you have now and ask him what his thoughts, feelings and desires are about this.
Maybe the issue is not you but that after the the pain and rejection of his being betrayed in his last committed relationship, that he's not eager to put himself into that vulnerable a position again.
If you and he can talk openly about this issue, maybe it will help him to trust you more so that he can he can think about you more on a long term basis.
I can't say about other guys but I'm smart enough and experienced enough that I'm aware of a woman trying to manipulate me if that's what she's trying to do. I would never make any commitment to a woman that treats me like that.
Still, it's understandable to me that at 25 y/o you are ready and wanting a long term committed relationship like marriage so that you can move on with your life and have a home and children. These are normal things for a woman your age to want and "need".
His possible insecurities due to his past experience plus your needs and desires are something the 2 of you need to talk openly and honestly about. This can be done in a loving way if you tell him you love him and want him but are clear and open about your needs also. This is not a time to be indirect and hint about things but to say what you want and need in a clear way.
If he is afraid of being betrayed again, you and he will have to decide whether this is something that the 2 of you can deal with on your own or whether the 2 of you might need some type of couples counseling to move your relationship to a more commited level.
I was married for 17 years after dating the woman for 3 years. She didn't divorce me because I cheated or was a bad husband, it was because I became physically disabled and slowed her down too much. Know one knows how much pain I had or how long I carried that pain except someone who experienced something similar. The pleasure of sex with an attractive woman is not worth the chance of experiencing that much pain again.
The only woman who could tempt me to put myself in that vulnerable a position again is someone who had more character, more honesty, and more openness than my ex. and could convince me that she loved and cared about my welfare as much as she cared about her own.
I hope that you and your b/f can work things out and you have my best wishes for both of your happiness. From what you say about yourself your b/f is a lucky man for you to love and want him.
2007-04-30 21:36:25 · answer #1 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for starters, don't freak out. Seriously. If you let this sort of thing affect you so negatively then it will lead to bitterness, and I'm sure you're as sweet as honey, so chill.
Now after reading that (and laughing a little, sorry) then I would say it's past time to move on. It or he has obviously affected you to the point of coming unglued. Compose yourself girl! There are boundless opportunities out there. You just don't see them because you're so caught up in this one and it's taking it's toll on you. Let go of the frustration and stop punishing yourself for things you can't control.
Sometimes you just have to vent...I understand.
2007-04-30 20:42:08 · answer #2 · answered by Johnnie5 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well if ur right u have so many qualities but along with that onlly thing which u need in ur relationship is LOVE.Only Love is that bond which keep two people connected lifelong.But as u ask ur question I can sense a little of "ego" which I guess is very harmfull for relationship.
2007-04-30 20:32:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on how long you've been together.... I am going to take a stab in the dark and say a eight months to a year. If anything under that give him time; but if your in that boat and he can't commit then dump him and find someone who is mature.
2007-04-30 20:29:05 · answer #4 · answered by metalraygear 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he is freaked out by how succesful you are, either way you will have to give him the flick if he won't commit.
I understand how hard you worked to be where you are and achieve what you have achieved. But no matter how far woman have come no man wants to marry a woman who is more succesful then them.
2007-04-30 20:34:10 · answer #5 · answered by Lou 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the bottom line is ...if you are ready to move and he does not then you have to let him go.....it sounds hard but would you want to sit around waiting on him for ever how long it takes.....then after a few years he still says he not ready or that he moving on with someone else....If you move on you can find someone that will commit or he will come to his right mind....but then it would be late, because you shouldn't want anyone that you had to force into committing
2007-04-30 20:55:33 · answer #6 · answered by cilverpenni 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
men die on the vine with this q's all the time, call his bluff! tell!!! sit him down and tell him how you feel about him tell him how wonderful you are(so he knows you have self worth) then tell him to make a choice, take me as i am or lose me forever. and then stick with it, if he says no dont go back later! if he likes you he will not wait a min he will realize that if he messes this up he would be losing a great girl and he wont want to do that.
2007-04-30 20:32:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
the put your self out there for everyone
2007-04-30 20:27:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think he's not serious with you.
2007-04-30 20:29:03 · answer #9 · answered by Buddy Hodor 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋