Who thinks I'm selfish for wanting to pick out my engagement/wedding rings. After all I'm wearing them!?

Answer 1

Trust me, it's not selfish, immature, unromantic or any other negative thing people have mentioned here. If you want to talk symbolism, let's talk about the symbolism of two people coming together to make a decision that works for both partners. That's what marriage is about, not about shutting up and accepting whatever is handed to you.

To me, it's immature if you CAN'T talk about what kind of ring you want to wear or about picking them out together. Communication is key in a good marriage, and you need to be able to communicate with each other on all things big and small, and yes, this includes finances.

That's lovely that some women have boyfriends who go out and pick out the ring without any help and they love their rings. Good for them and their boyfriends / fiances / husbands - nothing wrong with that at all. But there's also nothing wrong with discussing the ring. This could be a major investment of money in something you will have for the rest of your life - if you want a say in it, then why not?

And to be honest, most boyfriends looking to get a ring for their girlfriend really want one thing - to make them happy. They want their girl to love their ring and be proud to show it off. And I think most of them, unless they have very strong ideas on what they want, would be relieved at having some of the pressure taken off of finding the perfect ring all by themselves.

For the record, I designed my engagement ring and picked out my own wedding band. I love them and they suit me perfectly. My husband picked out his own wedding band, and we did all of our jewelry shopping together. We have a very mature, committed relationship and there's nothing we can't talk about, and to me, that's pretty damn romantic.

Answer 2

I would suggest you skip the engagement ring entirely, if it isn't important to you. Better to get a nice wedding band later on - in real gold- and let it be a real symbol of your marriage. There is nothing tackier than fake stuff from a big box store that is actually trash. For the 100 bucks you might spend for that, you could get a good drill/driver set on sale for your new home. Someday you may want a real ring, but f you don't now, say so. You should, however, get a real gold band for your wedding ring. There will only be one of those, and if you mean for it to last a lifetime, you should do it for real. That isn't a frivolous expense - gold wears beautifully over time. No cheap ring is going to last, if you really mean to be married. That is a legitimate expense.

Answer 3

Who said you are being selfish?
You don't know how many questions I get from ladies asking me how they can tell their fiance they don't like the ring he bought without hurting his feelings. (Can't be done)

I always advise a young man to call ahead to the jeweler, tell him the price range, have the jeweler pull all those rings, pop the question & take the gal shopping.

We buy into the romance that the guy should have the ring and then propose. We like to think that he knows his beloved THAT well that he can buy her the perfect ring. Well sometimes that happens. But if that were the case, there would never be any return lines at the mall after Christmas. Sometimes we miss the mark.

Answer 4

Well in a way yes but there are ways to pick it out instead of saying this is what I want and I better get it... not saying this is you, ok?
Alright, first go by yourself and look at rings, get an idea of the cut you want, princess, oval, round, heart and the carat, 1/3, 1/4 ( make sure you think about his finances) can he afford this ring? ( be logical when you look at a ring. Don't look for a Tiffany's ring on a 30,000 salary. Gather your ideas and then tell him in small hints not everyday.
But you should try on different cuts to see what you like. Tell him which cut and what type of metal (gold, silver, plat,etc) and if you like small delicate types or medium or goddy. Then Let him choose, It will work, I did that to my husband before we got engaged and he chose a beautiful ring that will be a heirloom.

Answer 5

Oh, no, not selfish, but on the immature side. There's nothing more special than having the man you love choose the rings - after all, he has to figure out his budget and it's wonderful to see what a man chooses for the woman he loves! My man did great - he knew in a general way I wanted a set I could totally wear everyday without worrying about losing it or something (read that meaning he knew I didn't want something worth thousands of dollars), but he chose something totally suited to me! That's why a man knows you inside and out before you marry!
You need to think a bit and understand the concept of getting engaged, and then further, the marriage. The rings are symbols; the engagement ring is a symbol of the promise to get married, the wedding band is the enduring circle that represented your life together forever. A mature woman knows the symbolism and is open to what her man chooses for her.

Answer 6

I think you should let your bf know what you like and don't like, and let him pick it out himself. My jeweler told me that he gets so sad whenever he sees couples come in and choose a ring together. The whole fun and romantic and surprising part of the proposal is then gone. (I mean, the actual proposal can still be a surprise, but you already know it's coming because you've essentially picked it all out and watched him lay down the credit card...how romantic is that?) My jeweler tells guys that if the girl doesn't like the ring that he'll take it back for no charge....but that if it's the case the guy shouldn't marry the girl anyway. It's a bit old fashioned, yes - but if you give a guy some pointers before he goes out, you should still get a ring you adore and he gets the thrill of knowing he did it on his own.

Answer 7

I don't think you are. It's such a subjective thing that while I'm a romantic at heart and love the whole idea of him proposing to me and keeping the original ring that made that special moment, it's true that you would be wearing them pretty much forever (unless you traded up diamonds or settings, etc later on). I ended up choosing both my engagement ring and wedding band (with his help) after he proposed to me and I'm really happy that I did. Not that I didn't think he would get me something nice, it's just not his area and he felt more comfortable if we searched together. It was nice too to shop around together.

But ultimately, if it's going to put a ton of strife between you two, I say pick your battles. Maybe it means a lot to him to choose something and surprise you. After all, you'll have most of the say in the wedding and everything else down the road :) I might drop some hints about what you like and don't like though :)

Good luck!

Answer 8

I don't think you are selfish..I'm engaged and I wanted to pick out the rings too because I believe it symbolizes us as a couple and one of the first things we own together and will own for the rest of our lives... we still haven't ....but I agree ....... After all you are wearing them, but I think you should be reasonable about price and what your partner likes too ......

Answer 9

I think that of you. It is supose to mean something when the guy does it. You are taking away the special moment from him. You should be happy with what ever he picks out. He will want to suprise you and you are ruining the whole thing. Give me a break. Let him do it. That is something special. Don't take that away from him. Just tell him if you like gold, silver, white gold. That should be the only say so. You can give him some ideas of what you like. But let him pick it out and wear it anyway.

Answer 10

I wouldn't pick them out. I would give him a working idea of what I like as there are several types of rings that fall into a basic design scheme. It takes away from some of the illusion of surprise and wonderment of the moment if you know what the rings look like ahead of time---at least to me.