What is up with me?

Question

I cut myself today for the first time in about two weeks. Actually I cut yesterday and today.

I don't know what I am feeling anymore, I can't even tell which "me" is the real me. I feel like I am living behind a hundred different facades and now I don't even know the real me that I was trying to hide.

I feel like no one cares, and that no matter what I do, nothing will come of it. I don't want to do anything anymore but I get frustrated when I have nothing to do.

The times when I am happy I am often over-dramatic, and get really into the moment, I often start talking really loud and fast. I can never just be at a "normal" mood level.

People are starting to notice a change in me but when they call me out on it I insist that I am "fine" and that "everything is okay" even though I know it is not. I want help but at the same time I don't.

I don't want to be labeled as a freak and I get very self-conscious when people say I am weird or that I am losing it. A lot of the time I think that I am normal and that I am over-exaggerating things.

Sometimes I get paranoid and think that people are following me when really no one is there. I think that everyone thinks I am a weirdo and that everyone hates me and I make everyone miserable.

My family tells me that they are at their wits end with me and that I am stressing everyone out. I don't want to be a problem but I don't know what is wrong with me. I feel lost and I feel like no one understands me.

Any thoughts on what I should do?

I am not good at talking to people so simply telling a parent/guidance counselor will not work for me.

Answer 1

Get help. Talk to someone - anybody. Trust me, I know. I felt and did the same things you are doing. You might think that the reaction of the person who you tell may be scary, but when the reality of what you are doing hits, its gonna be a million times more scary.

Answer 2

Well, i`d start with telling you to go seek assistance.

However, since you don`t talk easy , here are some tips.

1) find out WHY you cut yourself. What does it solve? What do you wish to accomplish with it.
Is there a specific trigger for it, or is it at random? (most of these events are triggered by something)

2) There are people that do genuinly care, they are just hard to find these days. Make the effort, it will be worth it.

3) do not expect easy solutions. this will take work, effort and time. be prepared to invest that effort and time in yourself.

4) take yourself and your feelings serious. they matter!

Having said all this - i really believe you should try to find a good trustworthy friend, or a professional.
This type of behaviour is usually the result of either a severe depression, or a traumatic (event in the) past. It is very hard to do this on your own.

Answer 3

My guess is you felt a bit lighter after writing this. I suggest you write all you feel for the day whenever you feel it, close the book, take a deep breath and then go out for a walk to get some fresh air. This way your head is not clogged with all the thoughts running around since its out on paper. The walk will lighten up your mood and you will feel much more fresh and active. You will actually want to participate in things and conversations. Be totally honest in your writing and don't look back on what you wrote at all. I am giving you this suggestion based on the way you have written this question (seems like you have let out your thoughts). The walk doesn't really have to be a walk but go out to get fresh air or go to the park. You really will like it. And please, do not cut yourself.

Answer 4

I'm not a doctor or counselor or anything, but have you ever tried to keep a journal?? It seems like you don't have a problem writing, so maybe letting your feelings out on a regular basis would help you relax. You could even maybe go back after a while and read what you have been keeping in your journal, and maybe begin to fing the source of your bad feelings. Its a start....

Answer 5

hey zac... oh man i could relate to you so much its not even funny! i know exactly how you feel about everything!. Don't ever think that you're the only one that feels like that because i just found while reading you're blog that im not the only one either. well, i would tell you to try to go to a therepist or a counseler, but i too know how really really really difficult it is! actually do yourself a favor and go get help. i'm way too afraid to go get help even though i know it would be best for me. trust me if u go get help, it will pay off.

good luckk hunn! <3

Answer 6

Do you like reading , walking ,or skateboarding ? You have to find something to occupy your time. You are not a freak your are just often misunderstood ,just be yourself . don't hurt yourself by cutting ,but find another way to channel who you are draw be creative on canvas and not on your body. Just do you!!!!! Even if you get over excited so what do you! ANd maybe getting a little counsel from a pro. will help you too.

Answer 7

i know its hard to talk to a counselor, so find a friend that you really trust and talk to them
judging by your symptoms... you may have bipolar disorder if your mood is changing a lot.. so you need to help yourself and go to counseling and then take medicine.
you are not a freak, because mental disorders are just like a disease, like cancer, you can't control it, you are born that way, and its not your fault
i hope you figure things out
also you can write poetry or something to channel your emotions.
good luck!

Answer 8

Hey. I cut myself too and I'm trying to quit. No you are not weird and alone you just have different was of showing that your in control. If you want any help just email or IM me cuz I so know what ur talking about.

Answer 9

I would just like to tell you that Jesus loves you. Everyone has felt that way before, but there are people that love you and want to see you prosper. I do not think you are a freak....at least you reached out to somebody, I just hope you will take our advice and get some help. But most importantly, Jesus Loves YOU!!!

Answer 10

okay well this also happens to me its just a little less intense. neway i would suggest TELL UR DAMN FRIENDS i do and they help me out and afterwards i feel really good! they will help out a lot! hell you could even tlk to me id love to help! just let somebody know or else it will get worse and worse trust me just please get some sort of help!! and i must say u sound really bipolar but i could be totally wrong... but ya i hope that ull tlk to me if u need nemore help about the matter!

i kno i dont have the best answers but i tried and that should count damnit!! :3