Ever since I could remember I've wanted a beautiful wedding. I'm the oldest of three children. My other siblings are already married. Both male. Now it's my turn. When I called to tell my parents about planning they pretty much told me they didn't have any money to help. They helped out the other siblings, and so I just went on planning, now everything I want to do other family members have a problem with it. I thought small church wedding and reception in basement in church. Nope that's a problem, etc. I don't want to get married at the court house , but I don't know what to do. I'm just about ready to forget it and just get married at the court house, alone with my fiancee. What should I do?
2007-04-30 11:59:38 · 27 answers · asked by karen r 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Go have a nice wedding elsewhere - like a destination wedding.
I don't know if their finances have changed since your brother's weddings, or what is going on there, but I'd take it at face value that they are not helping. Therefore, they get no say in WHAT you do. If you guys can afford it, have the wedding of your dreams IN TOWN and invite them. If not, go have a nice wedding chapel wedding elsewhere with your man, and forget about it.
2007-04-30 12:05:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Life is too short to have a bunch of regrets so have the church wedding like you've always dreamed of. A wedding can be just as expensive or inexpensive as you want. Some of the most beautiful weddings I've been to have been very simple. Less distractions. Get married in the church if that has always been your dream. Use lots of candles...they are cheap when you buy them at the dollar store. You don't need tons of flowers--your bouquet and single roses for whoever stands with you. You don't have to have a receptions, either. Make the ceremony your emphasis. Tell the pastor you have very little money and see if there is anything he can do (like not charge you for his services/church). Make certain you tell him that you want this done in a church. Many churches won't charge you if you are a member there. If you don't ask, you'll never know. Plus, asking is free! Have friends help you out. Ask 2 friends to take pictures. Do it as a gift to yourself and live happily ever after!
2007-04-30 19:19:34 · answer #2 · answered by Cherkeedoodle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do a little bit of research. You might still be able to have your wedding and it not cost you an arm and a leg. Where I live there are bridal shows that come around that will give you different locations for a wedding such as a golf course. You can use the green for the wedding and use the club house for the reception. If you live in an apartment complex that has a club house you can almost do the same thing as well. We pick a restaurant that had a courtyard and the reception was still in the back under a canopy. Think outside the box. Go online and see in your favorite fancy restaurant might have a wedding package that just might fit your budget. Don't give up your dream. You can do it for a lot less than you think.
2007-04-30 19:06:16 · answer #3 · answered by Sandra C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way I see it, if you and your fiancee' are the ones financing shindig, then who cares what your family thinks? Bottom line is that it is your Big Day. Do things your way. My wife and I were married nearly a year ago and we were faced with some of the same problems your facing. When all was said and done, we came to the decision that we were going to have OUR wedding, OUR way. As a result our wedding turned out great!!!! We had a small intimate church wedding with about 35-40 of our closest family and friends followed by a reception at a local restaurant. Weddings can be very stressful, but stress too much. In the end you just have to remember that it is your wedding. My wife and I honeymooned in Vegas and let me tell you, there are a lot of beautiful wedding chapels there. They have chapels to accomodate small intimate weddings as well as larger ones. I will be praying for you. Peace and God bless.
2007-04-30 19:28:45 · answer #4 · answered by cave man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sucks that your parents can't afford to help you pay for your wedding, especially after they helped your brothers. But the good news is, now you don't have to listen to their opinion. If you and your fiance are paying for the wedding, then you can do it however you want!
Decide what elements are most important to you and will be the more important to a "beautiful" wedding. Then do as much as your budget will allow, or find creative alternatives.
Or go ahead and elope, and have a nice private ceremony in Hawaii or Vegas or wherever you want to honeymoon. Have someone film the ceremony, then play the film for your friends and family at a small reception when you return. If your budget is really tight, you can hold your reception at a restaurant or park and everyone can pay for their own meals instead of giving you lavish gifts.
Do what makes the two of you happy, and remember that it's the marriage, not the wedding, that matters in the end.
2007-04-30 19:07:36 · answer #5 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your parents can't afford to help you, and you and your partner have to pay for everything, just do the best you can--what you want and can afford. There are other options besides the courthouse or church basement. And, if you've always wanted a beautiful wedding, you'll be very disappointed if you elope.
You can save money by having a brunch, luncheon, or cocktail reception, instead of a dinner reception. Or, you can have it on a Friday or a Sunday, instead of on a Saturday. If you can't afford any type of reception, perhaps you can plan a nice dinner in a private room at a restaurant, with immediate family and close friends. You can limit the drinks to just wine, beer, and soda, or make it non-alcoholic.
You can save money on your dress by buying one from the clearance rack, or order a white bridemaid's dress, or a white dress from a department store. You can also use silk flowers, or just carry one large flower instead of a ton of flowers.
This is the most important day of your life--do what you can to make it as special as you can.
2007-05-04 13:53:32 · answer #6 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're going to remember your wedding the rest of your life. So I would suggest you hold off on the elope/courthouse choice as that's not really what you want to do in your heart - you may end up not only regretting your decision, but harbor resentment towards those family members you think 'stole' the wedding you always wanted from you.
First, I would suggest you fight the temptation to look at what your siblings got from your folks. Is it fair? No, but then life is seldom fair.
The most important thing is that you and your fiance are getting married, and that this is your day (albeit, with limited finances). If you're the one doing the planning, plan the wedding you really want given the financial constraints.
That being said, it seems to me the REAL challenge is communicating with the family members who have a problem with your plans. I would STRONGLY suggest that your FIANCE take the lead, be a man and that both of you sit down with all the parties in question AT THE SAME TIME.
He should tell them politely, gently yet FIRMLY that these plans are what his bride wants, that these are the best plans you've made given the budget, that both you and he are EXCITED about it, and then ask for all the negative criticism, problems, sniping, etc. be directed to HIM, not to you, and that you BOTH sincerely hope that everyone can help make this the most special day for YOU.
If family members continue to communicate issues/criticism/concerns to you, YOU need to immediately, politely, gently yet FIRMLY direct them to your fiance so HE can deal with them as he has already requested.
As a man who's been married 20 years, I would think this would set your new marriage up on firm ground for a great future together. And isn't that what the two of you are really about doing?
Best to you both!
2007-04-30 19:10:00 · answer #7 · answered by Timothy W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about what other ppl think of your wedding besides you and your fiancee you know no matter where you get married it well be something you remember forever so don't let NO ONE ruin it for you. Talk it out with your faincee and see what they want to do. IF you do decide to get married at the court house don't worry about it you can still make it wonderful because you are getting married that is the best day of your life.you can have a small recepiton with your friends if your family don't want to go screw them. and you can always have a bigger wedding later on down the road when you have more money and renew your vows..
GOOD LUCK
CONGRATS
2007-04-30 19:11:32 · answer #8 · answered by Jessica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have whatever kind of wedding you want, as long as you can afford it. Don't go into hock for a party. Yes, it would be great to have the big old wedding you dreamed of, but small, intimate weddings are very nice too. If your family members are having problems with your plans, then quit asking them. Just tell them what you are doing. That's too bad that you're not getting any help from your family, but that's also a blessing too. Now they can't tell you what to do. I wish you well with whatever you decide to do.
2007-05-04 18:52:31 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you assuming your parents are responsible for paying for your wedding? This is the 21st century; people generally get married after they have become financially independent. The tradition of the parents paying for the wedding dates back to a time when the family unit was also the economic unit (businesses were run out of the home), and therefore a person generally didn't have very much money until they got married and established their own household. If you can't afford the wedding of your dreams, have a smaller wedding. It was nice of your parents to help out your siblings, but it is not their responsibility to pay for each of their children's weddings.
2007-04-30 19:13:13 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Gather up a few friends, fly to Vegas and get married there....Have fun with it. No sense planning something fancy if the family isnt going to be happy.
Do this wedding for YOU and your Fiance, not the family.
When ya come back, plan a nice big reception/party. Invite all your friends and family. Heck if money is a barrier, either do potluck, or have friends help with cooking.
Just my thoughts :)
2007-04-30 19:08:38 · answer #11 · answered by Christie E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋