english homework- please hep-?

Question

i dont speak engish but i have it at school and i had to write a letter and others thigs for school-that was my homework and i did my best but im pretty sure that there are some words wrong so can u correct it please? if u do i will chose you for the best answer
just read and correct it
srry for my english

here are the 3 texts:



One of the places that I wanted to go was “The Coast Park”. When we arrived, I got excited cause the park looked amazing, it was full of rides, rollercoasters and all kind of games, but the best one was the vertical jump. It was so fascinating to jump 80 metres of height, it seems like you are flying for a few seconds. So if you are looking to go to a really exciting place, make you sure you go there, I’m pretty sure you won’t forget it.

damn i cant put the other letters cuz it says that its too long

Answer 1

One of the places that I wanted to go to was “The Coast Park”. When we arrived, I got excited cause the park looked amazing, it was full of rides, rollercoasters and all kind of games, but the best one was the vertical jump. The idea of jumping from a height of 80 metres seemed so fascinating, like flying for a few seconds. So if you are looking to go to a really exciting place, make you sure you go there, I’m sure you won’t forget it.
overall it was fine, i just changed some thigs so as to make it sound better and more coherent. be careful of the way u use ur tenses. u tend to use past tense throughout the whole text and then present tense. use only one. although u can do this in the last sentence, before only past tense exists. dont mix that up.

Answer 2

The *errors* are marked with < >. Its great stuff though! BTW Go to the pencil at the bottom of the question and click add details, and add the rest:


One of the places that I wanted to go was “The Coast Park”. When we arrived, I <> <> the park looked amazing<<;>> it was full of rides, rollercoasters and all kind of games, but the best one was the vertical jump. It was <> to jump <>80 metres of height, it like you flying for a few seconds. So if you are looking to go to a really exciting place, <>, I’m pretty sure you won’t forget it !!!

Good work!!! dont forget to DELETE this question after as otherwise your teacher may find it on google and say you copied!!!

Answer 3

One of the places that I wanted to go was “The Coast Park”.

I wanted to go _to_

When we arrived, I got excited cause the park looked amazing,

_because_

it was full of rides, rollercoasters and all kind of games, but the best one was the vertical jump. It was so fascinating to jump 80 metres of height,

_roller-coasters_ or _roller coasters_
80 _meters_ _high_

it seems like you are flying for a few seconds. So if you are looking to go to a really exciting place,

Better : looking _for_ a really exciting place

make you sure you go there, I’m pretty sure you won’t forget it

Answer 4

One of the places that I wanted to go was “The Coast Park.” When we arrived, I got excited because the park looked amazing. It was full of rides, roller coasters, and all kind of games--the best one was the vertical jump. It was so fascinating to jump 80 meters of height; it seems like you are flying for a few seconds. So if you are looking to go to a really exciting place, make you sure you go there. I’m pretty sure you won’t forget it.

Answer 5

Yeah that's fine. Sadly it's written to a higher standard than the majority of English people on this forum could ever muster.

Change "fascinating" to "exciting" or "exhilarating" though because "fascinating" doesn't quite work.

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Edit: Instead of using "..to jump 80 metres of height", it might sound better to use "..to jump eighty metres into the air" or simply "..to jump eighty metres". It's often agreed that spelling a number like "eighty" rather than using numeric "80" generally looks more professional in literature. I hope this helps! :)

Edit: Below, someone called "jesika_spark" has told you to use "becuase" instead of "cause". She spelt it wrong, it is actually "because". See.. this is what I mean about people on this forum. That was absolutely pathetic offering advice to a foreign student and then spelling the word you told her to use wrongly. If you're making glaring errors like that in your own language and not even noticing then should get your act together. Rubbish!

Answer 6

The word cause is usually only used in slang. If you are writing something for a class you should write "becuase". Also, I would put a period (.) after "looked amazing" and make "it was full of rides..." a new sentence. Also, in "all kind of games" you should change it to "all kinds of games". In the 3rd sentence you don't really need to write "of height", the sentence sounds better without it. Hope this helps!

Answer 7

Well tell you what I think it was good. I didn't see anything wrong with it.

Answer 8

This is good