know any good blonde jokes?

Question

im all ears...

Answer 1

A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."
The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor... "You have a sprained finger."

***

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.

Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

***

Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.

Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".
***
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

***
Did you hear about the blonde who...

Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

Answer 2

A blonde driver is two hours from San Diego when she's stopped by a man whose truck has broken down.

The man walks up to her car and asks, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," says the blonde. "Need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck," the man says. "My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already, so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you 50 dollars for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," says the blonde.

So the man ushers the two chimps into the back seat of the blonde's car and straps them in. Off they go.

Five hours later, the guy is driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he's horrified.

There is the blonde, walking down the street holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of the crowd. With a screech of brakes, he pulls over and runs up to the blonde.

"What the heck are you doing here?" he demands. "I gave you 50 dollars to take these chimps to the zoo!"

"I know," says the blonde. "But we had money left over, so we went to the movies."

Answer 3

I needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb.


He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days". I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her"...And where do you think you're going?"

(You're gonna love this.....keep going)

She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the DARK!"

Answer 4

why don't blondes talk when they make love??
_b/c their moms told them not to talk to strangers

what do blondes think "safe sex" means??
_to lock the car door

What do you call a blonde in a place of higher education??
_Visitor

why don't blondes know how to ski??
_ Because there isn't any snow in the kitchen

Sorry to all the blondes. Just jokes!!

Answer 5

A blonde was telling her priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "do you want me to start over and talk slower?"

Answer 6

lol! The Great Blonde kiddnap was tight

Answer 7

there are two blondes on opposite sides of the river. one blonde yells over to the other, 'how do you get to the other side?" the second responds, "you are on the other side!"

Answer 8

Why do blonds like tilt steering?


More head room.

.

Answer 9

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Answer 10

difference between a blond and a mosquito?

the mosquito stops sucking when you slap it!