So my fiance and I are taking a vacation this summer. We think it would be so romantic and special to get married while we are down there. We aren't getting married until NEXT year...we can't wait! BUT...it would kill our families to know that we got married without them being there! (My brother did this and they want me to have a wedding, which I would love to do, after I elope!) Can you keep a marriage a secret, and then get married in a church a year later?
2007-04-30 08:17:36 · 18 answers · asked by likeAdove 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I understand that you are eager but you should wait and celebrate it together with your families. Plus you would want to change your name after marrying. Also there are a few major photo ops that involve the marriage license of which when renewing your vows you wil not have.
2007-04-30 08:28:45 · answer #1 · answered by wicked wench 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What is the point of getting married in the church a year later?
You have to ask youself what is the rush? What is more important. Presumably, if you're getting married in the church, it's because you want God to be part of your marriage. If that is the case, why would you get married outside of the church and leave Him out?
If God and your faith isn't that important to you, then why bother getting married in the church at all? Just get married when you want to and be done with it.
Your families will get over it. The wedding isn't about them. It's about the two of you.
But if you do elope, you should pretty much forget about the big wedding a year later. Unless you and your husband plan on paying for it, don't expect mom and day to pay for it then. They probably won't.
And don't expect it to be the same. After being married and living together for a year, the wedding day will be just another day expect you put on fancy clothes and have a big party. The excitement of it won't be there. Not to mention the wedding night....that only happens once! It will be just like every other night at that point.
By waiting a year, you will give yourself time to make sure you have exactly what you want for the memories that you want to make that day. But it should be all about the ceremony. If having this big wedding is all about the party...maybe you're not getting married for the right reasons.
The fact is, you CAN wait. You are perfecctly capable of NOT getting married on your vacation. It's what you CHOOSE to do that makes a difference. If you think you will be too tempted, then postpone your vacation. Use the money toward your honeymoon instead!
2007-04-30 08:36:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
OUCH!! Your brother has already done this and it hurt your family. Your family has already told you that it would kill them not to be at your wedding. And you want to know if you should do it anyway.
Well, it is your family and we can't possibly know how much they mean to you. But they have already explained how much it would hurt them if you did this. And you would be making the decision to intentionally (and maliciously) hurt them.
So...if you and your fiance decide that is a good price to pay, it must be ok with you. But I wouldnt expect them to want to give you gifts and party with you a year later. They will probably still be bitterly hurt. As they have already told you they would be.
But as far as elope and then get married later--No you can't do that. A marriage ceremony is a legally binding contract. And that part where they say "If anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be legally wed"...the answer would be B/c they already are wed. You cannot be legally married twice.
It sounds like merely an excuse to get gifts. And if you already made it clear to your family that you didn't care to have them with you on this most important day of your life--I wouldn't imagine you'd get too many gifts. Especially if they find out you also lied to them for a whole year when you tried to keep it secret.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh to you but--your family already said to you that they would view it as harsh as well. And you seem to not care.
2007-04-30 08:42:37 · answer #3 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Why can't you wait an additional year?
Or move the wedding date up a year?
Eloping is usually done when the families don't approve of the marriage, but yours seem to have no problem.
2007-04-30 08:26:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Elope. i've got finished the two and the super wedding ceremony is a huge complication and whilst the sunlight is going down on the top of the day you nevertheless in basic terms have one yet another, relatives and while you're fortunate some somewhat close acquaintances besides. The island wedding ceremony is a huge concept for each and all the the superb option reasons.
2016-12-28 05:18:11 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. You won't get away with it. It'll be illegal for you to get a marriage license since you're already married, so it'll be pretty obvious that something's up a year from now when you're supposed to get "married" but you're already married.
Just wait. The only good reason to do something like that is if one of you is in the military about to be deployed or something. Just because you're on vacation doesn't mean you should get married!
Don't do it!
2007-04-30 09:44:44 · answer #6 · answered by calliope320 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I wanted to do the same thing, but my husband wouldnt go for it. My parents went to mexico for Christmas break and I wanted to take off with my husband to get married in Vegas, keep it a secret and then just get married by church in June like we had planned, but he said it would be disrespectful to our families to do that so he didnt agree to it.
It would be soooo amazing and romantic. But at the same time it would just be a ticking bomb waiting to explode and potentially ruin your real wedding.
2007-04-30 11:51:37 · answer #7 · answered by MariChelita 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can certainly do that, but I have a feeling you will regret it. If you're just itching to do something, have a commitment ceremony!! Promise to be together through thick and thin, through hard times and good...and whatever you would like to throw in for spice. Exchange something you can keep with you always, a necklace, bracelet...I had two friends who exchanged toe rings!! It will be great practice for your actual wedding.
I had a friend of mine who married her boyfriend in secret and then had the big wedding later...and she said she hated herself for taking the REAL excitement out of her "true" wedding day.
Whatever you decide to do, please think it over carefully.
Best of luck to you!
2007-04-30 08:32:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I almost eloped but I am glad I did not. Having your family present for that special day is really irreplacible.
I look at my wedding photos now and I am so glad to see everyone in them. It was a happy day and everyone was so glad to be there. They were happy for us and loved sharing that special time.
My mom actually thanked me for not eloping and for having all of them there!!
We didn't wait either, we just decided to have a smaller wedding and invite our closest family. Why wait to plan a big wedding? Have one sooner and share it with everyone you love.
Take Care
2007-04-30 08:55:50 · answer #9 · answered by Ann 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, if your catholic thats basically a sin. Your getting married in God's house when your already married and your lieing to your loved ones. But i mean if thats really what you want to do, i guess do it. But whats the difference if you guys are married or not (if you live together)? Just go on the vacation and have fun.
2007-04-30 08:29:57 · answer #10 · answered by Maria 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋