How to deal with a death in the family?

Question

Hi. This morning my granmother passed away. I know all of us have to deal with this at some point in our life, however I am 30 years old and I lived with her for over 20 years. In this case she is a 2nd mother to me. I am an only child and I have no other brothers/sisters to turn to. I understand there is no right way or wrong way to deal with bereavement. We all knew she was sick and she was even in hospital for some normal basic things a few days earlier but was sent home. She died in her chair most likely asleep, so this is much better than a painful death. I have recently got married and I am from England and she is from Vietnam. The only wish I would of had is to have a 2nd wedding in England for her to see it. Can anyone give me suggestions how to keep strong, help my single mother and cope with the feelings. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Mark!!

Answer 1

Hiya,
I am so sorry for your sad loss, bereavement is hard for any one to take on board, but especially if you were close to the person like you were, Knowing she was sick does not help, There is still the loss, it is good that you have your wife to help you through this hard time, it makes no difference where she comes from, she loves you and will give you the support, go ahead with the second wedding, its a great thing to do, and after the marriage dedicate the rest of the day to your grandmother, if i can help in any way let me know, take care, Pete

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear about your loss.

I recently had to endure the death of my dad - he died from cancer. Myself, like you, am an only child, so I have no brothers or sisters to turn to. I was a complete daddy's girl so this was very VERY hard for me to go through. It's been almost 2 years now, and there isn't a day I do not feel the pain from losing him. This was my first experience in losing a loved one.

All I can tell you is that time is the only thing that eases the pain. I do not think the pain ever goes away completely if you really loved this person. It just gets easier to deal with. I still have not brought myself to watch any home videos of him. It took me months to be able to look at a picture of him ... and honestly, I am tearing up just typing this. You will play what you "could have done" and the "what if's" in your mind for a while, thats just part of it. Just know that the relationship you had with her was wonderful, and it meant a lot to her, as it did you. Tell yourself that she is no longer suffering and is in a better place now.

I think there are many stages of bereavement. Anger, depression, denial .... then finally acceptance. There is no way to make this easy for you ... other than to just live it and feel the emotions.

Answer 3

Oh my god. Sounds like me. My grandmother of 22 years died. I too was an only child but my mother was a doctor and she left me to be with my grandmother. My granny took care of me and she too is like my second mother. If i were you you should be strong inside. Think off all the good memories that you both share. Rekindle the moments and remember her in that way. If your wife is understanding since she is vietneamese and she is asian, she would probably be a good source of support and listener. I know i have because my best friend was indian and she bought me mantras, joss sticks, she was there when my granny died, and she went to the temple with me to light lamps for the departed soul. Think of her and tell your mum that this is all in gods hand and there is much she could do. It is good that you let off your feelings because keeping it all bottled up inside can make you explode once you cant handle it. I know the feeling. God bless and take care

Answer 4

Hi Mark, as they say here, 'sorry for your troubles' but please do not ask me to translate. Your beloved Grandmother, or here we say Nana. Yes I lost my Nana, Great Aunt, Aunts, Uncles and Father. However I live with my Mum now 76 and not one day passes that we do not have a conversation about someone who has passed. I ask Mum what my Nana was like and off she goes reliving the best days of her life. I also know how my own Mother 'chased' my late Father and she fancied him because he was the only man in Town wearing a brown suit and a yellow tie with dogs on it. Your Grandmother has NOT gone, she lives on in you and your Mother. Now you need to rekindle that relationship, ask your Mother what your Nana was like as a Mother. I would imagine being from Vietnam they all had a very interesting story to tell, so ask Mom to tell it. As for a second wedding, why not, sure you have a picture of your Nana, well put it on the seat. Like I said how can your Grandmother be dead, she lives inside you and your Mother, as you both had years of contact with her. The bit you are missing the years before YOU were BORN!

Answer 5

always be there for your mom, keep lines of communication open. She may say she is fine and handling well.... but deep down inside she is hurting. Many people do not know how to deal with death or how it affects others,,, everyone is different. Many friends seem to stay away from the ones that are grieving because they don't know what to say. Just don't forget her.

Answer 6

How nice that you want to help your mom. When it comes down to it, there isn't alot you can do for her grief process, she has to go thru it, just as you have to go thru yours. The best thing you can do is be available to her, call her daily just to listen or to let her know you care. Share your own feelings with her, they will be similar, so she knows she isn't alone in how she feels. Give her time, and give yourself time to get thru it, time does eventually ease the pain of loss.

Answer 7

I just lost my sister a month ago and she was my best friend we were very close only 2 years apart I am having a hard time telling my daughter who is special need about it. any advise.
Bev