What is the deal with people criticizing parents?

Question

Like when someone ask... How can I can my one year old to sleep in her own bed...

ok my one year old still sleeps with me.. And I love it... I feel more comfortable with her there..

Also when parents say how can I break my baby from her paci....And then those of you who go and say "THEY SHOULD NOT BE USING A PACI! THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN OFF OF THAT BY 4-6 MONTHS"
Do you not realize that a paci DOES help reduce sids?!?
It keeps them from going into a deep sleep.

UGH! when people ask for help dont be rude and tell them how to parent their child... Just tell them what you think would help with their situation.

Answer 1

Well I can't say that I haven't done it myself. I have....I must admit. But we just all need to be more courteous to each other. There's a way to talk to people and a way not to talk to people. You can still get the same point across, but in a mannerable and kind way.

Plus, I don't think there are too many right/wrong questions (there are some). They majority of them are a matter of opinion and what worked for someone else. It may not work for the individual asking the question and/or other answers.

Answer 2

Very few parents make major decisions without considering how that decision fits into the very important job of raising a child.

Let's take the example of crib vs. family bed.

I made the decision to use a crib because I felt it was best. I feel like it helped my marriage (just my husband and myself in the bed, no baby), I got more rest, I feel like the baby got more rest (he never slept well with others around), and I didn't want to break a toddler of sleeping in my bed when he's older and used to it. I feel I made an informed decision that the best thing to do was to not sleep with the baby. My kids have turned out well with that arrangement. Now, since that decision was one I made after thinking it through and deciding it was best to not have a family bed, it could be easy to act as though that were the only acceptable decision. I made an informed decision, and it was the right decision, so if you made a different decision, you obviously either don't know what you're talking about or you haven't put any thought into it. If you did, you would come to the right decision -- MINE.

Basically, there are a lot of people out there who believe there is only one right way to do things, which of course, is untrue. Once your baby, who slept in the same bed with you for at least a while, and another baby who always used a crib, are in elementary school, in most cases, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. The family bed baby is probably not all that likely to have drastically more security or feel more loved than the crib baby, and the crib baby is probably not that much more likely to be incredibly independant than the family bed baby.

But when you put that much effort, and thought, and worry into even the tiniest decisions while raising a child, every decision seems huge, and to do anything differently can seem like every little decision will "make or break" your child's future success, happiness, well-being, etc.

In my opinion, in reality, if you love your child and they KNOW you love them, your kid will turn out okay. There are, of course, things that can ruin a child, like actual physical, emotional or mental abuse, or definately sexual abuse, or of offering no discipline (even the occasional "no!"), etc.

Allowing your one year old to still have a paci will not ruin her, and it doesn't make you a bad parent.

And I just got lucky on that situation (certainly have others, but the paci thing was nice): both of my kids broke themselves of the pacifier before they were three months old. Just refused it altogether. Drove my mother insane.

If it makes you feel any better, I have two little boys, both of whom have defied all laws of "normal", a 3-year-old nephew, and a 1 1/2 year old niece, and they are all raised in slightly different situations. My youngest sister, the nephew's mom, has VERY relaxed rules. There is no actual bedtime, her son falls asleep with her, or watching tv, and he used a pacifier until he was almost two years old. He doesn't have dental problems, he's not a little hellion, and he's a well adjusted, happy, intelligent kid. My other sister's home is very orderly and her house rules are pretty by-the-book. My niece is being raised by the law of several books, which tell my sister when to feed her child, when to wean her, how my niece should be put to bed, how she should be disciplined, etc. My niece is not a little hellion, and she is a happy, intelligent, well-adjusted child. My house and parenting are kind of in the middle. I make decisions based on what seems to work, what I feel comfortable with, and the advise of parents I respect and trust. My kids are not little hellions, and they are both well-adjusted, happy, intelligent kids.

Moral of the story is that there is no one right way to raise kids. Unfortunately, that's not a truth a lot of people understand, and for some reason, all the meanness that we have as girls and women can really come to a boiling point when parenting skills (or the perceived lack thereof) come into play.

Answer 3

I wish I could give you 900 stars and a zillion points for asking this question.

I think it's so rude, and disrespectful to criticize another parents methods, just because it's not something you would do. But you seem to get so much of that on here. When we ask a question, the majority of us parents are actually looking for help, and we welcome input. But what we don't want is to be put down just because the way we raise our child/children is not the way you raise your child/children. I said this somewhere else on here, but saying it again ... "As parents don't we all really want the same things? To raise happy, healthy, intelligent, productive little people?" If this is the case as parents shouldn't we be trying to help each other out, and lift each other up instead of trying to tear each other down? A person can give their opinion without being rude and disrespectful.

Oh, it makes me so sick . . .

Answer 4

I guess I don't really understand the question- because although it IS totally inappropriate to criticize another parent's methods, if you post a question on YA, you are basically asking for others' points of view, right? Some people do go beyond the actual question and lay their entire philosophy on you, of course. My point is that not everyone's going to agree with you and you have to be open to that in a forum like this.

Answer 5

What is right for ones child may not be the case for anothers child, yet ppl think since their baby turned out okay that their advise is the best. In the end it is what your heart and gut tell you what is right method and path for your child. Advise is just that, you can take it or leave it, but more ppl would probably listen if it wasn't presented in such a rude manner.

Answer 6

Unfortunately there are just lots of rude people, but what is worse is when someone is rude and thinks they know everything, but the answer they gave is completely wrong where everyone else who answers the questions even points out how wrong they are

Answer 7

attempt to tell them that them criticizing you makes you experience unhappy. For something of it, basically tell them that listening to them having a unfavorable physique of ideas in the direction of each thing gets you in a bad temper and which you extremely want to experience happy. that's what I often do.

Answer 8

I think sometimes message boards are the only adult communication some stay at home parents get, and use it as a power trip.

Answer 9

You go girl! I agree! Every parent is different! Every child is different! what works for one, might not work for all. Just give advise and move on!

Answer 10

Exactly, people just feel the need to attack the person, if they didn't do something exactly the way THEY did it.