What's the problem with affection?

Question

My 3-year-old daughter gets rebuffed from some of her other 3-year-old friends because she likes to give them a hug. Is it wrong that my daughter likes to show affection and why are the other kids so freaked out and un-affectionate? It's not like she does it all the time -- maybe just one hug when she sees a friend. I think affection is a good trait. Am I being blind to something? I've talked to her about how some people need their space and some don't like hugs from other kids -- but I feel like I'm squashing her little loving spirit. I've even told her that if she really needs a hug that her mom and dad will happily take her hugs! Help!

Answer 1

that was good of u keep her spirit alive give her hugs often and remember to keep reinforcing the others space but I think it is loving that she is just giving out hugs! ')
~Good luck~

Answer 2

I have the same thing with my daughter (4). My parants never gave hugs, but I make it up by giving my daughter 1-5 hugs each day. Hugs are great among family, and good among close friends. As a child hugs are great, they mean so much expression wise while at the same time are so simple. Some parents don't take the time to hug their kids, so the kids become withdrawn from physical connections which stinks. Go Super Parent!!!

Answer 3

There is nothing wrong with what your daughter is doing, 3 year olds are just starting to realise their own emotions and how they feel towards others. If the other children are pulling away it is probably only because they haven't reached that stage yet and as we know not all children are the same. Its good that you are explaining that its nothing to do with her and that some people just like their own space. Thats all you can do, don't feel like you are suffocating her spirit, you sound like you have brought up a very loving sweet child and as long as see gets hugs from her family, thats all that matter's x

Answer 4

asking the other person is something that will go a long long ways for her. I am over 50 and didn't understand that my huge social butterfly loving personality bothered others, so I asked a wise counselor friend, and she said my privacy circle extends to about 50 feet out from my nose and for some people it is like 5",that would be my own daughter who started wiping off kisses when she was 18 mo and her dad and I were devasted but allowed it. She is just extremely private and modest and her space is probably 1/2 " :) So it would be good also to tell your daughter that some families don't show a lot of affection and that a kiss "hurts" them because it is strange. If you search the 5 languages of love even tho it is for adults, you can bring it down to her level because you seem like a great caring parent.

Answer 5

I agree with many of the others. You've gotten some great answers so far.

I posted basically this same question on one of my children's birth club forum on a well-known site and was basically blasted because many of the mothers thought I was forcing my child to hug others and show affection when all I said was that I ask my son to give his classmate a hug after fighting over a toy, etc. They totally ripped me to threads!

I want my child to be affectionate and not afraid to receive affection. I think this promotes such great emotional well-being and will help children to become empathetic to others.

You did great having the discussion about personal space. I'm sure her loving spirit will continue to grow stronger even though her affection is not always returned by others.

Good for you for raising a loving child!

Answer 6

There are people out there who weren't meant to be parents and probably don't show any affection towards their kids! Or maybe the other kids were told that it's not good to go around touching others? Either way, your child sounds wonderful and very friendly. It's okay to show affection, I see nothing wrong here. Just let your child know that some people may not want to be hugged, that's all.

Answer 7

OK, why not taking the middle ground? She likes to show her affection by hugging others. This is wonderful! Don't squash it, encourage her, but caution her to let her friends know that she's happy to see them and ask whether she can give them a hug. Spontaneity is great and it's good that she has this particular spontaneous habit in place of others but, to avoid hurt feelings all the way around and teach a little self control, encourage her to ask if it would be OK before she does it.

Answer 8

I think it's great that you honor your child's love of showing affection.

You should also honor the other children's feelings about touching & hugging, too.

And, rather than squashing her loving spirit, teach her how to be loving in *other ways*, so that she can continue to show respect and affection to others, even when they don't like hugs. How about a nice handshake? Or, a smile? Or, sharing a toy? Or just a friendly 'Hello'?

Answer 9

Our society has become hyper sensitive to the issues surrounding 'unwanted touching' to the point that we are turning the innocent hug of a child into something sick.

Encourage your daughter to share her hugs with people whom you know will reciprocate her kind and loving feelings.

Teach her that even though she may love someone and want to hug them that it's o.k. to ask them first.

Teach her to say "You are my friend. Can I give you a hug?"

And she can feel free to hug them. And, if they say no, she can simply offer her hugs to people who are receptive.

Actually, while it may seem that you are 'squashing her little loving spirit', you are actually offering a very freeing thing to her by teaching her to politely ask about people's preferences.

Also, some people can just love you with all that they have, but don't like to be hugged.

Good luck!

Answer 10

It differs from one environment to another, every country and its people has a different taste to welcome each other. It does not mean that they are sick or not well mannered not at all rather they reflect to the society where they breath. So person coming from different continent cant be similar where he is reporting to. In south Asian countries hugging is the common things but it differs even in the same continent and treated bad if someone wants to hug with other mate. So prefer to shake hand whereas some goes embrace each other. It also reflects the culture of a society so may be you belong to a family where hugging is not treated a bad thing but the kid in the same community where you are living may be associated with other culture that's why he/she avoids to hug your kid. In Europe nobody hugs each other but they always prefer to shake hands and this is treated well among developed countries. From religion perspective hugging is good but in this dynamic world such thing is not appreciated. In Middle east or Arab states hugging is appreciated but in Far east it is unworthy. So don't mind after some time you will be habitual with the society where you are living.

Answer 11

There is *no* problem with affection, you should be very happy your child expresses it freely.

I think it is good for you to try to get her to understand the whole thing about "personal space" and that another person's right to NOT be hugged trumps her wanting to hug.

And it is painful to hear you say that some of the children "shied away" from the affection. Affection should be second nature to children who have had affection themselves!