In-Laws???

Question

My FSIL pulled me aside at a family party and we started talking. She began to bad mouth my in-laws and even my own Fi. She told me that my FMIL has babied my Fi his whole life and I should get out of this situation while I can. She was basically making it out that I would be in a life of servitude if I marry my Fi. She also said, she feels that my Fi's family bend over backwards, when my Fi is in need of anything. She claims her husband hasn't been given the same treatment. Although, our inlaws gave them money to buy a house and my FSIL/BIL are consisently borrowing things (lawn equipment, etc) from my Fi. Fi often needs these items at the same time, yet doesn't say anything when they borrow them. He feels bad because they need them, but can't afford them. I actually hate how FSIL uses him and then cries about how "unfairly" she is treated.

I know she is crazy, as she has started trouble w/ in laws before. How do I handle my ungrateful FSIL?

She also has implied that she doesn't understand why I'm with my Fi. She seems him as inferior to her. I do not want her treating my FI this way and I surely don't want her treating me that way either.

She also married into this family. My Fi also has 2 younger brothers; either married yet and no serious GFs. No sisters in this family. DIL's are a new dynamic in this family, as the only women use to be Fi's mother.

Answer 1

Set boundaries -- when you feel uncomfortable talking about something, say so. She may be offended, but she will back off.

Answer 2

My best friend is in a similar situation. Her sil is just as bad and probably has some mental issues. Her husband isn't particularly fond of that sister so it isn't as if she actually has to deal with this individual too terribly often. But they have finally banned her from their house due to her commentary about the way they raise their child.

Basically this is a sister. Ok so yes she's family for life--but it isn't someone you feel obligated to visit. It isn't someone who naturally feels like she should have input into your life. However it is someone who--if you are rude to--your in-laws will be upset that you don't want to accept their daughter/your new sister.

The best way to handle it is to sit down and discuss things with your fiance. Make sure you are in agreement. You simply nod and smile and as quickly as possible blow her off. It is never in your best interests to start a conflict, nor contridict her. After all, you weren't there growing up so you really can't weigh in one way or the other. And she will never be convinced she didn't have the lesser end. My sister and I go back and forth on it all the time. She didn't get to travel and had to wear handmedowns, but got away with murder. I got the advantages of wealthier parents but since my sis did EVERYTHING possible, I had way stricter rules since they assumed I'd try to get away with everything too. Neither of us could be convinced the other one didn't have it better.

But the only way to handle her is to continue to take the high road. If your husband wants them to stop borrowing all his lawn tools, he will have to eventually say something to her. But it isn't your place. She already cries about being unfairly treated...pretend she is a coworker. Smile, nod, extend a lil sympathy even when you think its silly--and when you have exhausted your supply, walk away. She's had more experience crying and manipulating people than you--in a head to head competition you will lose. Best to just not even enter the fight.

Answer 3

She possibly sees you as future competition with your fiance's parents. It's likely her parents may end up liking you better and giving you preferred treatment as their daughter-in-law, especially since she seems so ungrateful. This is a plausible explanation, but it's not the only one.

Next time she pulls you aside or attempts to badmouth any of her family, inform her that's she not your real sister, and you don't have to defer to her opinion and beliefs. Let her know you are perfectly happy with her brother, and that YOU'LL be the female factor in his life now, not her. If she wants ask for something, tell her she has to ask both of you. This may seem a bit controlling to her, but it will give your fiance the support he needs to wean her off of him and allow her to learn how to stand on her own two feet.

Good luck. It sounds like you're going to be very happy with his family, even if there is a black sheep.

Answer 4

Why in the world are you listening to this crap? The next time she initiates conversation, make it very clear that you do not want to talk about any family members. Before you marry, you might want to inform your fiance that you will not be a door mat and the loaning of household items will end. Okay, so they may not like you after that... but will you really miss them???

Answer 5

First of all, every bride and groom has in-laws that they may love, hate or even wish they had never met.

Let this person's statements roll over your head and let your experience with your in-laws tell you how they can be. Don't believe all of the stuff this person has said about them Be grateful to them for one thing, YOUR FIANCE'. Without them, you would not have him.
Make your own reputation with them. Make them not your first priority.
You can deal with what comes around, when and if you have a problem with them

Answer 6

be careful here....very carefull. If she talks behind their backs she could be setting you up. She could be saying bad stuff about you to them too. Just dont say anything to her that you dont want repeated.
It might be a good idea to raise the subject of her delicately with the future in laws and see what comes of it. They are sure to know what she is like.
What a bummer when you fall for a man but his family are a pain in the butt. Good luck!

Answer 7

I possibly am no longer qualified to respond to this question considering I even have in no way considered an entire episode of CI. besides the indisputable fact that, whilst i attempted to visual exhibit unit an episode of CI it bored me, that's possibly why I in no way have been given to the tip. I even have considered many SVU episodes and maximum are very sturdy. they variety from being very sturdy to purely particularly sturdy based on the ever changing forged. as long as Olivia and Elliot are there in spite of the indisputable fact that, its oftentimes going to be between the greater effective episodes.

Answer 8

Considering she isn't even his sister I would tell her that you don't appreciate the way she talks about your fiance. Be polite when you do it, don't yell or anything, but make it clear that you don't want to hear anything negative about your fiance or the rest of his family. She's a troublemaker who doesn't want anyone around her to be happy. Don't let her do it to you. good luck.

Answer 9

I find this life very unfair to all of us. I feel for your so much deeply, because this is how my mother in law has been to me for 4 year marriage. It is so sad, it is their jelousy, and they'll never accept the woman their son finds. Whatever you do for their son, you are the wrong woman for him, and she is the best, because she has brought that man you are marrying or engaged.

My in laws drove me so upset, i had to write a letter and i messed things up because i had to tell them to back off for my new home i was making with my husband - we were working day and night and stressed and upset.

My father in law came the other day and shouted at me in the middle of the road and made me embaressed in my own new neighbourhood. He said 'i told my son if she is not the right woman to go and 'f**' herself'. about me.

So as you can see, welcome to marriage. Why aren't all those details written in fairy tail books, when we women think a man comes on his white horse and takes us away. They do not in real life, because they don't even make the 100% protection against their mother's or father's words that hurt us deep in our hearts.

Life is this. Marriage is this, and i welcome you to be strong and work and fight for this. Stay away from your mother in law to be, try to avoid her, so that way your sparkle of love with your new man doesn't ruine. I have stayed now away from my mother in law and i haven't seen her for 4 months. I wish and bet go god for another 4 years and even 40 if she ever stays alive. To father in law? I have to deal with his bad mood and welcoming himself, smile to him, but inside me hate him of how he hurt my feelings and how rude he has been. God will punish him in his own way, because in reality, i am a great wife to my husband, and wish the same to you. Good luck

Answer 10

Ignore her. It sounds like she is jealous unhappy and very ungrateful. She had no right to say those things to you. If she continues to stick her nose into your business, I would kindly remind her that you are an adult and capable of making your own decisions.