I have punished my 11yr old by taking her music,tv and anything fun but she seem not to mind what should I do

Answer 1

I had the same problem. Only my son was 13. We took everything away, his room was bare. He only had his bed and a desk, but it didn't seem to bother him. He'd go to school, and come straight home (no after school activities - no friends). Once at home he sat in his room (with the door open) doing homework, and reading. We went through this for 2 weeks. Me and my husband actually felt sorry for HIM, but it didn't seem to phase him at all. A while later when I asked him about it he said that at first it DID bother him, but he wasn't going to let us know that it did. Then he said after a few days of not being able to do anything, he got used to it - so it was no big deal. He said he knew there wasn't anything he could do about it anyway, so he just sucked it up and dealt with it until the punishment was over. This was his first real punishment.

By the way, on the weekend he had no activities either. The only places he could go or things he could do were with us as a family. Grocery shopping ... outside working on the lawn etc.

Don't know if that gives you any insight, but I hope somehow it helps. =)

Answer 2

I would say either the music, tv, or the other things are not really that important to her. So taking them away wasnt that big of a deal.

Maybe she knows you'll cave in eventually, so what's the point?

You could try taking her somewhere on the weekends (#1 favorite time for kids) to do some volunteer work, maybe cleaning up the neighborhood, working at a homeless shelter, or at a children's hospital so she can see how fortunate she really is and how important it is to use her time in a more positive way rather than getting into trouble. Perhaps someone at church can recommend some cherity work or check with your city hall.

Most important thing is you have to remain firm and follow through with your threats. If you dont, she will learn you offer nothing but empty threats.

Answer 3

I'm having the same problem with my 10yr old. She's been grounded from all of those things for about two months now and it doesn't seem to be bothering her as much as it should. Usually only when we're watching a movie and she has to be in another room where there is no tv is when that bothers her. Make her do chores like washing dishes, doing her own laundry, taking out the trash, etc... That will make it seem more like a punishment.

Answer 4

Your punishment didn't fit the crime then. Reevaluate what you are actually trying to teach. Then think of a way to teach that point, not "do what I say or lose". Lets say she went to a friend's house after school without calling and asking first. The problem is not that she "broke a rule" the problem is that you didn't know where she was and had no way of getting ahold of her or protecting her in an emergency. Having her spend an afternoon making an emergency plan (like an earthquake or a storm). After she spends a long time making a good plan, ask her what would happen if she couldn't find you, get her to think about it. Instead of two weeks thinking you are evil, she will spend one afternoon learning that families have a responsibility to worry about each other and to keep in touch. It would also be a good time to talk about predators (both online and the stranger-snatcher kind). Keeping the lesson in mind always works better than punishment.

Answer 5

Not enough details-
If you have routinely done this, she may have become used to it.
Praise is better than punishment any day.
If you have over-used punishment, you will not be effective, and may get rebellious behavior- at any age, not just pre-teen.
So, go check out a behavior management book, and learn the techniques, if you haven't already ( and beleive me, even well-raised people learn some new things- it's a real science).
Go for a little help from a pro, just to get an objective view on what your style is, what her personality is, and what will work best together for your individual needs!
Good luck!

Answer 6

It depends on the offense. i have found that community service has helped my children behave so much better. Instead of taking her things away, have her volenteer somewhere she can see those who have never had the luxuries she has grown accustomed to. Every summer my sons volunteer for Habitat For Humanity. And once every season they go through their own belongings and donate to the Salvation Army. You will not believe how much this changes the attitude of a child when they realize it's not all about them. But don't let them think they are volunteering as a punishment, or then they won't get anything out of it.

Answer 7

Well, the first question I would have is have you done this before and then given in and given it back to her? How long has it been taken away? Some kids will act like it doesn't bother them in order for their parents to think that it wasn't a good punishment and give it back.
Otherwise, just wait.....she will start to get angry soon, if it has only been a couple of days.
Then there is always the saying that goes kids want you to punish them, sothat they KNOW they are truly loved.

Good Luck

Answer 8

What about getting her involved in some volunteer work? Something to take up her time, help her think of others and (maybe) help her change her attitude.

Answer 9

What's really fun to you may not be fun to her...find out what she really likes, but it doesn't mean you have to take everything away from her..sometimes you should just make a limit to what they can watch..like when her favorite show comes on tell her she can't watch it! Somethig to that effect..

Answer 10

I AM 13 I KNOW WHY SHE DOSE NOT SEEM TO MIND ITS CAUSE WHEN YOUR NOT THERE SHE DOSE ALL THE STUFF YOU SAY SHE CANT AND AT SCHOOL SHE HAS A WHOLE LOT OF FUN JUST HANGING OUT!!!!! WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS KEEP HER DOING STUFF ALL THE TIME LIKE EXTRA HOMEWORK AND STUFF LIKE THAT.