My 12 year old son?

Question

I am going to re ask this question, I have a 12 year old who in the last year has gone from honor roll student with straight S's in behaivor to a C-D student with all U's for behaivor. He lies, sneaks, steals, and is disrespectful towards me. I have grounded taking away his favirot things like the TV and playstation which are locked up in my room and also took his dirt bike away. I take him to church not by force but because he asked to go and he cuts up and laughs during Sunday school and chruch basically what he does in school. I cant seem to get it threw his head that this isint proper behaivor for a young man, He has a great life and a very supportive family and his behaivor has me concerned. He is also ADHD which I feel at 12 there is no need for meds because at this age he should no right from wrong. Can any one give me some good advice not negative on how to get him on the straight and norrow? Thank you

My son is on meds I was just thinking because he is 12 it nay be time for hime to get off of it, he is on concerta it doesnt seem to help because you cant tell a differnce when he is on or when he is off, He was on adderral but a zombie and couldnt gain weight, Its a tuff call and I dont know what the right thing is to do

Answer 1

Reading your question I immediately though ADD, as you clearly stated later in the question. I have a child with ADD that was diagnosed at 8 years old. She is now 20 and finally able to deal with the ADD without the medication. Yes, she knew right from wrong, but her brain wouldn't slow down enough to comprehend the consequences of her actions... the lies, the attention getting behavior, etc. Maybe you should talk to his pediatrician. Not all ADD medication turns your child into a zombie... when my daughter started her adderall you could finally have a normal conversation with her without trying to keep up with the next 10 subjects that came out of her mouth. Good Luck and you are not alone!

Answer 2

Perhaps the medcations may not be working, you may need to look at other alternatives as well for his ADHD. There are plenty of support sites on the internet and some even have questonaires about your child, this usually helping them to give you suggestions on how to manage your childs ADHD without drugs and for other not medaction therapy's . You say that he was an honour roll student with good behaviour and now has bad behaviour and reasonable bad grades. Has he just started at high school? What friends does he have and if so what are they like> Also has anything changed in your family life that maybe affecting him?
To get him on the straight and narrow you need to find out what maybe causeing this disruptive and disrespectful behaviour. Your obviously disceplening him right, especially when he behaves in that sort of manner.
I think he may need to see a councillor, as well as yourself. Something is bothering your son and I think this is the way he is acting out due to this. Also if he is behaving badly at church then dont take him. You did say that he asked to go, perhaps saying no, then explaining why may help with his behaviuor at church anyway. Good luck and I hope all turns out okay. Its hard having a pre teenage in your house, especially when hormones are going crazy.

Answer 3

Your son may know the difference between right and wrong but he lacks the ability to think it through and make the connection about consequences.Perhaps as he gets older he will have the maturity to utilize coping techniques and will be able to go without his meds. I would take him to the doctor for another assessment.He is also reaching the age of puberty so a whole new set of problems to cope with as well.Arrange a meeting with his teachers if you haven't already done so.They may have some solutions for you as well. Hang in there you are getting a double whammy ADHD and puberty. Does he have a dad o male figure in his life.If he doesn't could I suggest you sign him up for Big Brothers. I've heard it is a good organization. Good luck

Answer 4

As a mom of a 15 yr old child with ADHD, I feel your frustration. My child was finally diagnosed when he was 12 after 2 years of problems that you discussed. We had to play around with his meds to find the right dose of the right meds. We also had a problem with the adderol at first. My son hated it and was losing weight. We simply had to adjust the dosage. We can tell a difference, but most importantly, HE can tell a difference in the way he feels and concentrates when he takes his medicine. Medicines for ADHD differ slightly in that they help to curb the "impulse control" of kids that otherwise would make choices with dire consequences. If you are not noticing a change in your child's behavior then its possible that his meds need to be changed. Discuss this with your doctor. If he wont change, then get a second opinion. Also, it may be possible that your child would benefit with some child counseling. My son did. He learned better ways to act out his aggressions and not always choose negative actions to get the attention he craved. Have patience mom, its a tough road, but rest assured you are not alone. Good luck.

Answer 5

Have him tested for drugs and alcohol. I started using them around 12 or 13 (I have been clean for 11 years) and I started behaving the same as what you described. You should also have him tested psychologically he might be depressed or upset about something and he doesn't know how to deal with it. Having someone to talk to who won't judge him might be what he needs. (even if you won't judge him he might feel like you will). It might also be puberty. Take him to the Dr just to make sure everything is OK. If all that checks out OK than congratulations you have a moody soon to be teenager on your hands. Try treating him as an adult. Give him adult responsibilities and let him know how well he handles them. If he can not behave in church don't take him. Make sure he has chores to do and by doing them he can "earn" computer, video games, TV time. I would definitely talk to his Dr though before taking him off any medication and just to make sure nothing is wrong. I wish you the best of luck in this tricky situation

Answer 6

ADHD is not a choice. It has nothing to do with knowing right from wrong. The child needs medication, and try to give him attention when he is doing something good. That way if it is an attention getting device, he will only be rewarded for good behavior. It may be small things at first. Try to ignore the inappropriate behavior, or calmly tell him that you are not going to respond to the disrespectful stuff. If he is stealing, obviously you cannot ignore that. Good Luck!

Answer 7

I disagree with most of the answers here. I do not think that you should rethink the medication. Even though he has ADHD, if you keep him on the medication, I do not think that that will effect his grades and how he behaves outside of school.
I recommend a book called "The Explosive Child," by Ross W. Greene. It is very informative for parents who feel that they have exhausted all possible solutions for their children's behavior.

http://www.explosivechild.com/books/index.html

I also think that if you do decide to try the medication again, this should not be done through a physician, but a psychiatrist, since they have a better understanding of these kinds of medications.

Answer 8

Your child has ADHD, which I'm sorry to say, is something you're not taking seriously. Not getting him on medication is not a very smart thing to do, because it's not about him telling from what's right and wrong, it's about him having absolutely no way of understanding or control over his learning disorder, which is what you're denying him. I don't believe people should be depedent on medication, and I don't believe medication alone is the answer, but with medication- not only can it help him concentrate but it will help him get into habits to have a handle over his ADHD, along with your love and insistancy for him to focus.

Bottom line, a 12 year old can not tell what's right from wrong, because no one can truly tell what's right from wrong, including you. Think about it.. even you're asking what's the best thing to do for your child. Don't be so hard on your son, who has absolutely no control over his disability. Read up and educate yourself about ADHD. The more you understand what your child needs, and his disability, the more control you have.

Answer 9

ADHD meds can be effective. My ten year old is on stratera. He was taking concerta but like your son, it wasn't working for him. Find out if your child's school has a counselor who works with ADHD kids. Mine sees his school counselor once a week. It has been a tremendous help. Age has nothing to do with ADHD. I also know a few adults with ADHD. Ask your childs doctor to try a different med. There is one out there that will work for him.Stick to grounding and taking privileges away. eventualy, he will want his stuff back. Especialy if his room ends up looking like my son's room did. Nothing in it but his bed and clothes!

Answer 10

I urge you to rethink the ADHD and consider meds. You have a big problem, dear one, and I shudder to think your son may go the same route as my son.

My son went to counseling and was referred to a psychologist, who recommended medication as well as continue counseling and get him in an activity that is strenuous.

We started running together and I bought him an elliptical trainer (for me too) and he has come around, but still have bouts of less than stellar attitude.

And just because he KNOWS right from wrong does NOT mean he can act accordingly. That is the problem you need to focus on.

I suggest no soft drinks as well as no foods containing any dye. I pray for you and your son, dear one.