i am having problems with the fact that i am a adopted. can anyone help me?

Question

i dont know what wrong but lately i have been having problem with the fact that i was a adopted. i have knowen since i was 2.

Answer 1

Hi Patricia, I don't know what type of problems you are experiencing, but a lot of adopted people feel conflicted emotions.

If you haven't already, you may want to take a look at this author's website. Her name is Nancy Verrier and she is a family therapist, a researcher and an adoptive mom.

Her insight is really valuable and she's written two books that some adoptees find very healing. Her website is at
http://www.nancyverrier.com/

Also, there are a lot of articles here that you may want to look over
http://adoptees.adoption.com/

Answer 2

I'd like more information. What do you mean when you say you are having a problem with it? In what way? How old are you, now? Is it an open adoption?

Have you talked to your parents about these problems?

Adoption is a wonderful thing. Your birth parents were amazing people. They knew that they didn't have what it took to take care of you, to give you what you needed in life, but they decided to bring you into life, anyway. Then, they made the very difficult decision to find you parents who *could* give you what you needed (or, at least, who were willing and wanting to be parents). How many teenagers (and older people) do you know, right now, who became pregnant and decided to keep their baby, when you know that their baby is not getting the same attention & care that you got from your adoptive parents? These days, it's *easier* to say you're going to keep your baby than it is to swallow your pride and find them a better home.

And, of course, your adoptive parents made some amazing decisions, too, when they decided to adopt -and- when they decided to adopt *you*.

So, what kind of problems are you having?

Answer 3

i totally understand. i went through a spot in my life when i had a problem too. i think we all do, its ok. just remember a few things
1. you are not and never was the problem. she had a problem in her life, she was just smart enough to realize you need what she couldnt give, for whatever the reason.

2. you dont belong with her. i know so many adoptees that had great homes but they felt they didnt deserve or want that. whatever reason she had ( she loved you so much she wanted to give you more, she was too young, or even she straight up didnt want you ) you are better off where you are.

3. being adopted DOES NOT define who you are. all it is, is a description of where you came from. it doesnt make you better or worse than anyone else and doesnt label you as a bad seed no one wanted. someone did want you.

4. relax. i have many family members that are--lets say not very pleasant or smart (same as everyone elses family im sure) when people look at me when that certain family member is being a fool i always reply "dont look at me, im adopted. you share a gene pool with them" trust me, adoption has its perks at times.

dont let being adopted define you, you are who you are. dont let anger or confusion ruin your life based on the decision of one person that made a choice years ago, you were given a gift. it may not seem like it sometimes, but you were. you will be fine, i promise.
chin up and good luck

Answer 4

well im not adopted but i would say that if the ppl that adopted you then they must love you a lot or they wouldnt have adopted you and if u know your real parents they just to tell you they are the ones that let you go and your probably better off without them my dad is adopted and my aunt and uncle but the only one that doesnt want to meet their parents is my dad cause he loves his mom that adopted him and im glad that his real mom did that but my dad when we talk about his real mom he gets so pissed off and starts to cry which is really sad but it will get better though it gets worse before it can get better it may not look like it but it will i promise

Answer 5

What you are experiencing is TOTALLY normal! How do I know? I am an adoptee who experienced the same thing. Theresa had some good advice for you. Don't keep your questions bottled up inside. There are plenty of adoptees out here that DO understand.

Answer 6

i gave a child up for adoption because i loved her and wanted her to have a nice stable life and at the time i couldnt provide that. i did want her . i still do. i think of her every day and love her so much. i miss her and hope that when she is older she will understand. know that your biological parents are out there somewhere thinking of you. and love you. its been almost 7 years and i still miss my little girl. just the hope that one day she may love me gets me through. i hope you are okay. let me know if you need me to talk to. my prayers are with you.

Answer 7

biological parents are not any different than adoptive parents. they took you, cared for you, loved you, raised you, fed you, clothed you, etc. just like a bio-parent would.

the issue is all in your head--blood doesnt matter. love is what matters. you would never have known you were adopted if you hadnt been told...

so what is problem?

Answer 8

You shouldnt feel bad. There is no problem with being adopted. Your parents picked YOU which means that they WANT you and they LOVE you!! You are special to them. Don't feel bad about it!

Answer 9

The definition of a mother and father is the relationship you have with them.

Heath

Answer 10

you should NEVER have a problem with it... your parents CHOOSE you... they didnt have to- they just loved you that much!!