Help me please?

Question

I am a very insecure person, I am very low in the self esteem department, I have never been with anyone who hasn't cheated on me, I have been physically abused many times, I have been raped, nobody has ever loved me enough to not cheat on me. I have met this wonderful man, who when I met him, had several affairs going on online. He says he stopped them when we started getting serious, while we were dating it was still going on. Now one of his old flames has contacted him, and I am crazy with jealousy, I have written her and asked her to stop talking to him, she said she would only stop talking to him if he asked her too, I have snooped through his history, I have checked his cell phone, all these women he talks to are skinny and young, I am fat and older, I don't understand why he is with me, and he claims that they are just old friends, My insecurities are taring us apart. I broke it off with one pretending to be him.I know its horrible , but how can I compete?

I just want to know, How I can stop feeling this way and learn to trust him, so I don't lose the best thing to ever happen to me

Answer 1

First things first--you need to learn to love yourself. You will never be able to find a man, who is worthy of your love, if you are always down on yourself for stupid things. You are a beautiful unique person--learn to love yourself, until then it will be difficult for you to truly love another. Second, if he still has contact with these other women, i would venture to say that he has not truly ended it. I would also believe, that he is playing on your insecurities by keeping in contact with these women when he knows it bothers you.

The thing is if he can't dedicate himself to you one on one, and that is the agreement--then y are you wasting your time. he sounds like he likes to play the field.

You need to go to counseling, get some help to find out why you chose abusive relationships. The core of your relationship problems lie in your lack of confidence, find out what it was in life that wiped that away for you.

You deserve more. You have many wonderful gifts to give to someone. Hold your head high, beauty is more that a dress size or a number--once you realize how beautiful and worth it you really are--men will be falling at your feet. Men who want to control you, abuse you and cheat on you are looking for the one that won't fight them on it. Take stock in who you are, what you believe in, get some counseling and stop worrying about a man who probably isn't worth your time anyway. If he is the best thing that ever happened to you, it certainly doesn't say much considering the crap that you have had in the past!!!

Answer 2

Well, this is something that is going to take time. You have a long history of abuse and neglect. It isn't surprising that you can't get these feelings out of your mind. The thing is, the guy you love did have more than one thing going on when you met him, so that in itself is reason to speculative of what he is really doing. I understand the strange and unfortunate way that we may compare ourselves to other women in our man's lives, but what it comes down to is he wants to be with you. If you truly believe that he is only with you...regardless of who else he is talking to, then you have to trust him. At the same time though you do have a right to demand a little respect from him regarding talking to an ex. You are his girlfriend and if you are uncomfortable then he should somehow make you feel comfortable. Maybe you could all go out together sometimes so that you can see that nothing is going on, and sometimes facing the "enemy" helps us feel better about the status of the relationship. Give yourself a little bit of a break...you have had it rough but when you think that you need to invade his privacy tell yourself what will you do with any information you learn...call another girl, confront your boyfriend? Just talk to him and see if there is a way to get him to understand that you are just working through issues (maybe you can talk to a therapist about them) and that you need his patience and understanding. Maybe there is a middle ground you can both settle on.

Answer 3

I have a friend who sounds exactly like you. and to tell you the truth I have never been able to figure out a way to help her self esteem. She just keeps shooting it back down and nothing ever helps, I gave up on trying with her. But what that taught me is that it has to start with You first. (or her in this case) YOU need to like yourself and fix your insecurity. you need to understand that you are beautiful and confident and amazing and that the guy should be lucky to have you and if he doesnt feel that way then move on even if that means being alone for a while. dont be afraid to be alone - it can help you find yourself and fix some of those selfesteem problems. believe in yourself, and only Then worry about guys

Answer 4

first off you should love yourself you u dont love ur self and think that ur r beautiful no one else will ever do so u should wake up every morning and look in the mirror and tell yourself that u are beautiful but you have to really believe it. it doesnt matter what others think of u because god made u that way for a reason and u are beautiful because god made u u may not be the most skinny or prettiest woman in the world but always hold ur head up with confidence and u will see a difference this does take time it wont happen over night but i believe in you and i have love for you. god will help u get over this but u have to love what he has already given u first before u begin to ask for more.

Answer 5

Out of courtesy, at the very least, he should tell the old flame that he no longer has any interest in a relationship with her.
But you can't expect to cut him off from everyone (and that would be the only way you'd feel secure.) Be advised; we often create what we fear the most.

Answer 6

I'm sorry he's the best thing that's ever happened to you! Start eating more fruits and vegetables and take a brisk walk outside in the sunsine and fresh air every day. God loves you and wants you to be healthy and happy. You don't have to have a man for that - stand on your own two feet and enjoy your life....

Answer 7

I guess it doesnt help that he is still chatting online to all these girls. if its all friendly banter then i guess theres no harm in what he's doing but if he's meeting these girls then maybe he's not worth you. Trust is a slow build up between two people you cant just make it happen. have u spoke to him about it? tell him how insecure he makes you feel and if he's serious about you then he'll call it off with the other girls. Sounds like he's a bit of a flirt or maybe he's also insecure and needs to chat up these girls to make him feel good? i dunno hunni, but good luck with it ;)

Answer 8

You have admitted that you have a problem with self esteem and now you need to fix it..If you are insecure because of your weight then do something about it.Insecurities almost alway's ruin relationships..

Answer 9

Be positive, and dump him. If you think you have low self esteem them you will have. So stop feeling sorry for yourself, and get your life into perspective. If you are going through hell at the moment, don't stop.

Answer 10

You'e kind of crazy if you try to compete.
Just get out of the situation, With a cheating guy like that it never gets better. I've been there, I know.
Maybe he just wants you for a maid, that's what I told me ex husband before I divorced him. To keep his house clean, cook his meals, keep him in clean clothes to go cheat in.
Just get out, no one should to be treated like that.