My sisters husband is an abuser. Because of this and the fact that she pretends he is not, I haven't had a relationship with her for several years. Her husband is a low self esteem bully from a broken home.
My wife is Anglo Indian and has always tried to get along with my family even though they are racist, ignorant and haven't bothered much to know her. Several years ago my wife'd father died of cancer. My parents had never even met him and they did not even mention or think of attending his funeral.
My sisters husbands father has just died and the funeral is coming up. My father says he is going because he wants to "show his last respects because its the right thing to do". My relationship with my father is strained enough without me telling him what I obviously feel about this but it bothers me that abusers fathers funeral is such an important thing and my wife's father was just ignored in death.
My wifes dad lived 400 miles away so my parents wouldnt have attended anyway.
2007-04-30 02:42:37 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The father has nothing to do with the son. If you wanted your parents to attend the other funeral, you should have spoke up.
2007-04-30 03:34:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well, as you said, they wouldn't have gone anyway, but the very least they could have done would have been embrace your wife with comfort and I know it hurts you that they didn't. I think you should tell your dad how this makes you feel.....but just try to talk to him in a calm manner to keep it from getting out of hand. Ask him to explain to you what his reasonings were....and tell him you feel that both you and your wife were disrespected and feel even moreso by his attending this funeral. Explain that race has nothing to do with....but what does matter is that your wife has been supportive and loving and a member of their family without any prejudice.....ins't it better to be of a different race/culture than to abuse.
2007-04-30 03:01:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funerals are funny things. People who weren't so nice in life, all of a sudden turn into saints as they are lowered 6 feet under....
You have a dilemna. If you don't go - then your family will be annoyed. If you do go, you feel like you are going against your beliefs. Why not just send flowers to the funeral, but not actually attend? That way all angles are covered. And if anyone asks - say a medical emergency came up.
2007-04-30 07:11:01 · answer #3 · answered by beausbreeches 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand sometimes family isn't always there for you. Your family is racist that is the main reason they didn't acknowledge your wife's Dad but them ignoring her loss is the same thing as insulting you. Maybe you should let your Dad know man to man that he was insulting you.
2007-04-30 02:48:02 · answer #4 · answered by Mo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are they going more out of concern to see how your sister is doing? This way they can see her without it looking like they're "checking up" and maybe angering her abusive husband?
2007-04-30 02:58:32 · answer #5 · answered by bumpity-bump 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's so sad your parents have done this. They could have at least sent flowers to your father-in-law. I'd let them know this bothers you though.
2007-04-30 02:46:42 · answer #6 · answered by AngieBaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see your point, but sometimes its better to "take the high road".
2007-04-30 02:47:51 · answer #7 · answered by Paul Hxyz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋