how do you deal?

Question

with hypocrits who are very close to you. I ve known those people since I have been living in the states. My mother is very close to them and has a long history with them. they call themselves family but they are really not. Always trying to bring me down when i try to accomplish great things for myself and my mother. I beleive that those people have always been abusive to her and I do not understand why she is so attached to them. I am trying to distance myself from them but It is difficult since my mother is very close to them. I had a few negative experiences with them and I love my mother. I am the only one she has. I know she values the relationship she has with them. I know that It is going to be difficult for me to avoid them. How to deal? Please give me some insight. I am close with my real family though but unfortunately they live in Canada and not in the States.

Answer 1

You can not choose your mother's friends. If they are bad for her, eventually she will realize it. She may be clinging to them because she has no family in the states. Whatever your mother's reason is, you should respect her wishes. Go on and do the things that you need to do in order to better your's and your mother's life. You don't have to answer to them or prove anything to them. Good Luck!!

Answer 2

I would say the reason that your mother is so close to them is because her family are - as they have to be - away from her. As we get older we do become more and more reliant on others and she must feel that these people are good to her and that they are THERE for her.

I understand that you do not like them, but do yo have any REAL evidence that they have been abusive? And if so - what form did it take? Physical - call the authorities, whatever your mother says. Mental? - call the authoriities if you have proof, otherwise - stand up for your mother and speak with these people.

You risk distancing these people from your mother and that is a space that your family will have to fill.

Are you sure that there isn't just a little bit of jealousy here?
Do you think that you believe these folks are bad because they actually have a little place in your mothers heart?

Is she not a wise judge of people? Would she not know if the were doing bad things to her?

And as for them doing you down - well, perhaps they are a little bit annoyed with the family if they see this lady that they are fond of being neglected by her own blood.

These are just things for you to think about - I am not accusing you or your siblings of neglect - I am just asking you to look at it from both sides. You said a peculiar thing 'when I try to achieve GREAT things .......' - well, that is pretty high praise for yourself! Do you think that you might just come across to others a little bit too big for your boots? Perhaps the find you a little bit too high and mighty and they are attempting to bring you down to earth?

I would also speak to my mother about this - I am sure that if you told her that the way they speak to you is upsetting you - and she is so close to them - I know if it was me - I would have words with them to tell them to have a little more respect for you.

Best of luck -I think this situation just needs a little calm thinking and give and take from both sides - but maybe it could start with you showing them how!

Answer 3

Take pride in knowing who you are and who they are, and don't let them get to you.