How do I put a handle on the in-laws ?

Question

When my husband and I then live-in boyfriend got pregnant I told him not to say anything to his parents until I was present. He couldn't hold it in and called her to tell her the news. Don't know what she responded to him, but, when I saw her I happily said "hi, grandma" and she said "wow, I didn't think you would take it this far". I wanted to just die at that moment but, not before choking her.
When the baby was born I mentioned I couldnt wait to pierce her ears and she says "you better not".
I had surgery to my shoulder and was out of commission for a good time knowing I was home alone all day without help she sais she would come over and clean up for me...she sat down ate some food and left her plate at the table and then went home. She always has an attitude when my husband now is not around and very sweet when he's around. I was very close to his dad believing he was the only one who liked me because he's the only one who really took the time out to get to know me. He was even

our best man. We got married at city hall and his mom the morning of our wedding went to work. I called her job and demanded she get home and change her clothes. She claimed no one invited her so I told her "You're son is getting married what are you doing at work ? you are his mother and you need no invitation. You should already know to be there. I didn't give my mom and invitation she already knows to be there. So get ready and meet us at our home so we can all go together because I don't want to here any bitching later that you weren't invited. I will not be made out to be the bad one here. You come and support your son".

Well, we're happily married and everything changed. His father talks to me like I don't allow his son to go help him. This man calls everyday at all hours and expects my husband to be at his beg and call. he has another son living at home and another who lives a few blocks away but, calls on my hubby 4 everything. He has I have to release the leash sometimes.

He doesn't seem to understand that we have a life also and we do get very busy. We did our floors and I refuse anyone to wear shoes in the house. Especially that we have a small child and she's always playing on the floor. This to them means that I just don't want them coming over. They don't seem to understand that I live her also and I can set rules down if I please. They always say that it's my hubby's home my name is not mentioned. I brought a new vehichle and they all say what a nice car my husband has. I am at home now and this to them is a problem because he needs me to go out there and work them not knowing or wanting to understand that our child is little and makes no sense if I have dish out the majority of my paycheck to a sitter for 2 kids. They claim I am just lazy yet, when they come over all they talk about how clean my home is and how beautiful my husband has it. Hello???? he doesn't clean or keep it beautiful...I do !

Another thing is that grandma won't call me to see the baby or even ask for her. she calls my hubby on his cell never our home.

and the few times that I have picked up his cell phone she's said how is my son and my grandbaby...never how are you and your children...never how are you and the family

Answer 1

Wow!! I thought my ex MIL was bad. Mine can't stand to see anybody having fun, in fact, that's the only reason her eyes are closed during sex. A few nights ago, I was sound asleep and dreaming that she was talking to me. It was so real, she kept talking and nagging at me. I finally woke up, and the sound that I thought was her, turned out to be the donkey across the street from me Hee Hawing really loud. Boy, was I ever relieved.

Answer 2

Okay, first off, let me start by saying that seeing grandchildren is a privilege to the grandparents, NOT a right. So if your mother in law tries to tell you how to raise YOUR child, you tell her to let YOU raise your OWN child, and that if you wanted her opinion you'd ask for it.
Also, let her know how you feel. Let her know she's been acting like a complete child. Don't let her get away with ANYTHING. She's acting rude and you need confront her on it or she'll just get worse. I know confronting people on this kind of thing is hard but what's the worst that can happen? But make sure you talk to your husband first. Tell him what's been happening.
If you want to get you child's ear pierced you do it! My ears were pierced at 8 months old and I'm still alive!
I know how it feels to have a nasty mother in law who has no reason to hate you but does anyway. I feel for you.
Take it easy and think about what I just said. :)

Edit:
You also need to tell your husband that marriage is a "graduation" from your parents. The most important people in your life right now are your spouse and child. Unless your father in law is in danger or if he calls regarding an emergency, you guys need to tell him to shove it! (in a nice way of course)

Answer 3

Wow, well you need to talk to your husband about it and let him know what happens when he is not around.
After that you need to confront her about it. Trust me, the sooner the better as these people are going to be a part of your world for the rest of your life as you are the mother of their grand child.
Be polite and strong, but not finger pointing or abrupt. State the facts and wait foe the response. It may not be intentional. Use statements like "when you said this, it made me feel like this" etc etc
Good luck, we've all been there.

Answer 4

probably being a little older and experienced in this kind of stuff.......there are a few things I can say I would add....one.....your husband will play a big part in how far he will let them interfere with his family and home.....and your marriage...two....if you start out with the understanding that you don't expect anything more than these kinds of attitudes from your in-laws.....then you won't be disappointed....don't keep expecting them to be any different than who they are....they are obviously limited.....and I don't feel any discussion will make a difference.

Also, be aware that in the future, this kind of damaging interaction from them will also effect your child, and if you and your husband have more children....they will play them too... they will more than likely use the grandchild to perpetuate their....forgive me here....their abuse.

I would say......understand your position as the mother and wife .....and quietly and firmly protect yourself and your home.

Answer 5

Best advice tell them how you feel. Tell your husband how you feel. At least you will not be holding it all inside and be upset. If the parents do not like it well hell I guess they just don't have to come around. Sounds like a win win situation for you!!

Answer 6

talk to your hubby about the problem and ask him to talk to his mother about how you are feeling. if he cant do it then you will just have to do it. the only way to clear the air is the be upfront and say how you feel.

the people that are important to you are your hubby and daughter. dont let your mother in law try to bully you around. stand up for yourself. hopefully your hubby will support you through this.

Answer 7

Don't even try to "handle" them - that is a BIG part of the problem - you don't like them, they don't like you! Can't you just accept that there ARE going to be people out there that will NOT like you and just go with that? We ALL have our own quirks - just let your hubby deal with his parents and try to stay out of it as best you can - EVERYONE will be happier that way.

Answer 8

i duno ooooooo
i hate this in law thing
when i get married ill take my wife and run far far away
FU CK grandpa and grandma