Is it horrible for me to want to not talk to my parents anymore?

Question

After i get done with college this semester, im thinking about moving out and never looking back. My parents play the blame game for everything that goes wrong in thier lifes, this has gone on for years now. There is so much violence, its unbearable, im afraid of even my sister because she has held a knife to my throat before, im afraid of my mom because she gives bloody noses, my dad chokes me and my brother hits me. Like im the F*cking human punching bag. I never complain either...it would only make things worse...Im trying to better my life by going to college and getting a good job. But my question is...Should i just cut every tie with them?. im done, i really am, i cant go one day without tears and getting blamed. Some advice please

Answer 1

No you are not wrong. I thought it was bad enought that I didnt have a dad that was there for me and not wanting to talk to him- but your parents are abusive and you seem like you are trying to do the right thing by getting your life on track. I think that you should move far away and get yourself together as your parents dont seem to be in the right mind set. Maybe in 5-10 years from now theyll think about what theyve done and learn that they cant treat you like that... I think they will come to the realization.. I tdon't think it is horrible of you and I think that its awesome that you have a strong head on your shoulders. Just remember to keep FAITH and all will be yours :)

Answer 2

Finish college and keep yourself safe. If that means that you have to completely cut your family out of your life, then that is what you have to do. We all have dysfunctional families, but yours sounds very frightening.

Is your sister mentally ill? Why would she think it is OK to hold a knife to your throat?

I would SERIOUSLY encourage you to seek out a counselor to help you deal with what your family has put you through. Although what you have described is normal family life for you, I promise you that it is not "normal" when compared to the average family. Maybe once you've healed a bit and a counselor has helped you formulate alternate coping/interaction strategies, you might be able to attempt limited contact with your family. Just don't do anything that might put you in danger.

There is a fabulous book called "How Can I Forgive You: the power to forgive and the freedom not to," by Dr. Janis Spring. It might take you awhile to work through it because it will bring up some significant hurts, but that is actually a good thing because it gives you a chance to therapeutically process it and move on without having to carry that baggage around with you forever.

Addendum: The next time you are attacked, you need to call 911 IMMEDIATELY (assuming you can't get out of the house sooner than that). I know you don't want to get your family in trouble, but they need to understand that the days of terrorizing you are over. You might want to talk with legal counsel (some lawyers offer a free 15 min. consult or you could call legal aid and let them know it is an emergency) to find out if there can be a way to force your family to pay for your room and board in an alternate place (i.e. dorm) while you're in University. Another thing you could do is go to a youth shelter until something else can be arranged. Talk with the counselor at your college for alternatives that are available to you.

Answer 3

Just because someone contributed genetic material for you doesn't actually make them parents. Just because you're related to them, doesn't make them family.

If it's as toxic as it sounds, then you have every right and obligation to yourself, to cut all ties. Hopefully, there is an aunt, uncle, grandparent who can full the need for family, or a really great friend.

(*hug*) At least you're wise enough to realize it's not healthy for you and you've taken steps to secure your own future.

Just remember, it's not you. It's them. If you're really over the whole situation then do what's best for you. I wouldn't make it overly dramatic, I'd just get "too busy" with my move and new job (I'm sure you'll have both). As a suggestion, I'd move out and AWAY. A long distance AWAY. Then you can send cards, if you want for the occasions, but not actually have to deal with them in person. However, I'd suggest investing in a PO Box wherever you move to, and not give them a physical address.

Good luck!!

Answer 4

Sorry to read about your situation. I am happy that you are finishing college. After that, you can have a life of your own. I just hope that you try your best to think about the good things you have since you were young. I know it will be hard but these memories will help you build a humble and strong heart. Live a good life and when you have a family of your own, love them with all the love you can give. Don't forget to put God in the center of your life... Good luck!

Answer 5

I dont think it is very fun that that your family treats you the way they do. I take it nothing ever helps with whatever you try to say to them you just get blamed and hit around. If that is the case, if you feel the need to better your life by cutting them out of yours then do it. You dont need the crap they put onto you. People should feel safe when they go home, not fearful of ones life. Give it awhile and see what you feel is the right thing to do.

Answer 6

Listen, if they are really abusing you you need to get out now. Find someone else to move in with. Have they always been physical with you? Of course we are only hearing one side of this but if what you are saying is true no matter if your parents are paying for your school get out. Some distance will help alot. I grew up with a mom who beat me. I heard all of the excuses to why she did but the bottom line is I was not born to save her or to be her punching bag. I have been married for almost 15yrs now and my relationship with my mom is much better. It didn't happen over night and I'm not saying it is totally perfect now either but we can talk and have a relationship with boundaries. She finally admitted a couple of years ago some of the abuse but she will never own up to it all. I just have to deal with that.I forgive her but I can never forget. Please get away from them. You don't deserve to be treated that way.

Answer 7

If you would venchure out into society of the world, you would see that abusive behavior is prevalent in almost every home. Its not normal, you should stay away, but not cut tie's. There still your family, and im pretty sure they love you. I really don't know the situation, but statistically abusive homes go through generations. Same thing with rape, etc. Drugs, financial problems, etc also can play a major role in this predicament. You are smart for wanting out! Get out and don't make the same mistakes your family made. Don't cut ties with them let them know how much you love them, but you need to take care of you.
You have the power to make different decisions, don't think they make them for you, there are councelors and organizations that can help you.

Answer 8

Flat out yes you dont need this crap in your life. I don't care if there are your parents. I'd already be gone. Get help from Department of Human Serveses in your county or call to police annonimous to see if they know any serves to help you get out on your own while you finish school. Go stay with a friend or some thing. And when your gone stay that way. No one deserves to live that way. Prayers are with you God Bless.

Answer 9

no, I had to do the same when I was a young man, joined the Army to get away and have never looked back. older now and get those feelings some times, they pass, trust me. you don't need people like this for nothing. Be brave.I used to get hit with a dull butcher knife when I was fifteen. later when you are fine on your own, they will try to use you,so be ready for that. your story makes me feel bad for you. you will turn out to be a great human if you have no fear.

Answer 10

You need to go and not look back. You need to better your life, get some counseling to deal with the abuse you have had to endur. If your family wants any relationship with you then they will have to do the changing--not you. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and have goals and plans--hold on to those and you will be fine. You deserve to have the life you choose with out the abuse. I am sorry that you have had to live that life, and have had to put up with abuse that no one should ever have to. God bless you, I commend you on the choices to get your life together and not follow in their footsteps--you are a leader not a follower--go for all you dream in life!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!