I am a mother of 4 ages 14,11,9,2? my 14 year old is a mentally disabled girl her iq?

Question

level is like a pre-kindergartner but she gets very angry at my other kids who aren't disabled she has disability because her father is this way! so it's like she 5'10,weights 100 lbs,wears a size 15 man shoe? and always causing confusion, talks very loud, talk very smart mouthed to me i tell her all time you are bless because there are people who would left you were you were at the hospital of course! i have been very repitious with her since she started walking at 5years old and started talking at 8 years old. I realize the frustration she's going through but why rebel against because what she's not able to do she says to me " if you would have taught me how to read and write I would be like i am now she's always been in multiple-handicapped class! if you get on her about how she talks to me or if i hit her back for hitting my other kids' i got social worker in my face! like she bit my 9 year old son,i whip her she ask for a band-aid of course why " my mom hit me for biting my brot

Answer 1

I have five children, ages 14, 13, 11, 11 and 7. My oldest, would now be 15, except he passed away last September. He was severely disabled, and while people always apologized for that, in our eyes he was a blessing and Godsend. He actually improved the quality of our life.

First, our children react to how we act toward them. If I was cold and mean to my son, I'd expect him to be cold and mean back, but we were loving to him and we received love in return.

As for your daughter. Life happens, there is no-one to blame for her disability. And, all teens hit that awkward stage of life, it sounds as if your daughter is there. It is not her disability, it is life, puberty happens and kids grow up to those awkward teen years.

I have to say, stop telling her that she is lucky you kept her. That saddens my heart. She is not lucky you kept her, why not consider yourself lucky because you kept her and instead tell her you "Love Her!" By telling her she is lucky, is like saying, "We didn't want you, but we kept you, so shut up and feel lucky." That is more like what your daughter hears every time you say that.

I also wonder, does your 11 and 9 year old understand their sisters disability? Perhaps they don't. Innocently enough, they might be adding to her confusion. Have you taught your children how to all love one another and appreciate each other no matter what their physical limitation or appearance is like?

My younger children had gotten to a point where they completely ignored their brother. Not for any nasty reason, just that he was so quiet and he didn't demand attention. So I sat the kids down and talked to them about their brother. How much he loved them, and what signs to look for so they could see he was interacting with them. From there, my kids talked to him a lot more. They always said "good morning and goodnight" to him. It made a world of difference in our family, and all the kids appreciated it.

So your daughter has big feet. Big deal, I say. Make sure you are not harping on looks or disability. Maybe you should research some ways to better help your daughter. As a mom, it is okay to say you need help. Ask your caseworker or maybe the aids or teacher in your daughters class if there are any support groups. You can learn a lot from other families in the same situation.

Ya know, I used to put my son in the playballs at McDonald's, oh he loved it. He would just sit there and giggle!! As soon as I sat him down though, other parents would grab their kids faster than you can say, RUN! I was always sad for those people, never for my son.

Disabled people are human too, and they deserve everything you deserve if not more. Understanding and compassion are a great start. So what, she causes confusion. As her mom, help her through those times. Do NOT belittle or make her feel bad. Guide her. Show her how to calm down and if she can't, if she is just too confused then stand by her side. As should her siblings. No, it might not always be easy, but your family support and love will get you through. Your family will always be there for each other, not those people standing on the sidelines making faces because you have a disabled child. Those people suck and they don't know how to truly appreciate life. If you live life by their guidelines you will miss out on a lot of beauty in this world, starting with your daughter.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about my son. Not a day goes by where I feel my life is better off because he is not in it. And not a day goes by that I don't wish I could go back to that fateful day in September and change the outcome. I want him alive, and in my arms. But I can't go back, and it so breaks my heart to hear that God entrusted you with this special girl and your post doesn't come across as appreciating that fact.

Your daughter has big feet? So do something to help her cope. My 13 year old son (he is not special needs) has big feet, he is a size 13.5. He hates his feet and was very sad in the beginning. Our answer was to buy him affordable shoes that he liked, that he felt good about wearing. Plus, we bough him black socks to help make his feet look smaller when he was around other children. Simple things to improve his quality of life. For your daughter perhaps you can do something similar. Maybe buy her white socks and then Mom, you can be creative and sew little pink bows on them. Or look on the internet maybe you can special order girl socks in that size. Or take the attention away from her feet and do something cute and girly with her hair. Make her feel special because she is special, she is one of your children right?

I don't care about her dad either. He didn't make her that way. Even if your husband is special needs, I doubt he could have passed it on to your daughter? I guess he could have, but then there is something you are not making clear in your post, so let's leave dad out of it for now. Except for me to ask, is he in her life? Is he involved in her care? Because how he reacts to her and treats her is just as important for your daughter and the rest of the family.

Mostly though, teach your other children to love and help their sister. I once thought my son was embarrassed of his disabled brother, so I sat down to have a talk with him. Because it is okay for the siblings to sometimes feel upset or embarrassed, we can help them through with these feelings. My son said, "NO! I am not embarrassed of him, I am really pissed off because of what a neighbor kid said about him." From there, I was able to help resolve that issue. Kids are amazing, if you let them be.

When your daughter says "if you taught her to read and write..." this tells me something more is going on. Perhaps you should seek out the advice of a teacher or doctor. How do you explain to your daughter that there is no fault, and that she is okay? Personally, I think your daughter "blames" because she hears you blame.

You have a lot to think about. I think you need to soul search and open your mind. Learn how to care for you special needs daughter, and how to care for the other children too. Life is completely different when you have a special needs child. And people that don't, really are not the right ones to offer advice, because they just haven't been there. I say this, because I get the feeling that the people in your life that you turn to for help, just don't understand.

Please find help. Also, you said your daughter is angry because she is different. This is another red flag. Your daughter has anger and confusion in her. You need to guide her through this so she can live a happy life. Whipping your daughter is not the solution.

I really hope you talk to someone with experience and learn a few valuable lessons that will improve the quality of your life and that of your children.

My son died way too young, but I can guarantee you that he enjoyed his life, that his family loved him and he knew it. He had big blue eyes and the sweetest, happiest grin you had ever seen.

I wish you all the very best, and a happy and loving life.

Answer 2

You have your hands full. First, you said her father is this way. Is he in the picture and is he able to help you? Or are you also taking care of him? At the age of 14 many changes are taking place. There are the normal hormonal changes that make life a challenge regardless of IQ level. Your oldest daughter sees her younger siblings being able to do things she's not able to do. She gets frustrated and she acts out.

If her IQ level is as low as you say, that age group normally acts out in anger and frustration until they're taught to react more maturely. This takes time and consistant attention.
Hitting her back when she hits your other kids only reinforces in her mind that hitting is OK. Show her by example how to properly express her feelings. Show her that it's better to talk than to hit.

I suspect that your frustration is coming through to her and she feels like you don't love her as much as you do the other kids. Do you ever get a chance to take some time for yourself so you can de-compress? I'm guessing not. It's important to take care of yourself so you have enough energy to give your kids the attention they need.

Is there someone you can ask to stay with the kids maybe one day a week so you can get some time for you? Can you recruit some help from the teachers or the social workers? You need a break from her and she needs a break from you and the other kids. Is there a program that she can be in where they will work with her to help her bring up her skills? Maybe an after school program? Talk to the social workers before they get in your face. Ask them for help. That's what they're there for.

Answer 3

firstly you are not helping the situstion by telling her that other parenta would not have brought her home from the hospital after she was bornand will give her the impression that you don't realy want her all children rebell at some stage in their life i know mine did i to am the mother of 4 children my second daughter was diagnosed with severe learning difficulties and a personality disorder when she was three years old' like you i had a long spate of bad behaviour and she would not do anything i said it took some time but we worked through it by giveing her plenty of love andstaying consistant but never once did i tell her that other people would do as i knew that it would make her feel that we did not realy want her.she may be like a five or six year old in her mind but even children of a much younger age can feel unloved and unwanted. Have you tryed respite care this is when the child goes away for one or two nights so that the rest of the family can have a little break and some quality time together it also will help you to recharge your battries and give you a break to and you won't have to worry about your daughter as she will also be taken good care of .ask your scocial worker about it if she has not already told you

Answer 4

Social workers can help too, in your case I'd look into a group home or roomate situation where employed social work people train young disabled persons to live together and gain living and job skills. At the very least talk with your agency for disabled cause you have a big family to cope with and thats why we pay taxes for the disabled to retain good living circumstances and a chance at employment. They have this trust me. Be warm to your daughter she needs your patience, puberty is hard esp. for the mentally challenged.

Answer 5

i think you should find her some friends with the same disability, and when she acts good, let them come over, or let her go to thier house, and if she talks "smart mouthed" to you, tell her she can't go over to her friends house the next time they let her, or the next time she wants them to come, don't let them, so that can be her punishment.

Answer 6

i have no idea what you're talking about. how is she this way b/c her father is? and you couldn't possibly have taught her how to read and write because you can't either.

Answer 7

..........she has disability because her father is this way!....
How come??? .....her father was (must have been) "this way" at the moment of her conception.......did he raped you?
back to my answer, which is a question in fact. HOW COME ! ! !