what would you do?

Question

My girlfriend recently came over my house with her 10 week old daughter. I told her that I would try to have my 2 year old son sleeping when she comes over, so we'd have some alone time to talk. She walks into my house and she's annoyed because her daughter is not sleeping. She then looks down the hallway and sees my son, who is still awake, sighs with attitude and says, "He's still awake?" I said I was putting him to sleep soon. I put him in his room but he keeps waking up and opening the door. So I keep going in the room and shutting the door. She tells me,"Can you close his door a little more quietly?She is sensitive to sound" Then the phone rings and I hear her running to the phone and saying, "Oh no...the phone (because the ringing was going to disturb her AWAKE child)...how do you turn the ringer off!" I got off the phone and really wanted to say something but I held my tongue. This was 2 days ago. Should I say something or let it blow over? I'm really p!ssed at her...

Answer 1

I would tell her that if she is that sound sensitive, then you will come visit her when naptime for your child is over. It's good for the kids to get use to the sounds so they don't freak out. If it was the vacuum cleaner or something loud, I could understand, but not the phone or shutting the door.

Answer 2

After two days...I wouldn't say anything. She was annoyed because her baby wasn't asleep yet. Maybe that's because she tries to get it to be too quiet at bedtime. Seems like she would do better putting her baby down to sleep, closing the door, then going about her regular duties. Let the baby fall asleep with other normal noises in the house and the baby will learn to sleep without it having to be super quiet. Sure, the baby will cry..but usually that doesn't last long and soon she is sound asleep. Is this her first child because I'm sure she's a good mother and wants the best for the baby, but if she 'panics' every time a noise is made, she is going to have problems when the child gets older. :)

Answer 3

I can understand why you're so upset. She went a bit too neurotic on you there. Her baby will do so much better if she just gets used to the phone ringing (both my kids sleep right through it, I wouldn't even begin to know how to turn the ringer off).

Honestly, it sounds like she (the mom) probably hasn't been getting enough sleep and its making her a little nutty (every mom I know has been down that road once or twice).

Perhaps it would be nice for the two of you to leave the kids with your husbands (or get a sitter) and have a dinner out together where no one has to worry about distractions.

Answer 4

It sounds like she gets to frustrated over children being
around. Kids won't go to sleep at the snap of a finger
(or even her Finger) no matter how badly you want them
to, Is there any way that the both of you could get a sitter
for the times you want to be alone. And how about a family
outing to make sure that your Girlfriend likes and can tolerate two kids at a time, because if you get serious you
want to make sure you can leave your son alone with her
from time to time. Sounds like you have more patience then
most people, but perhaps you should mention it to her in
a nice polite manner, Good Luck

Answer 5

If she wants to get together again, then suggest doing it at her house, if possible. That way she can go along with her own little "rules" (ie closing the door quietly, turning off the phone's ringer...).

She will eventually learn that the world cannot come to complete silence for her baby. ;)

Answer 6

I would say something, how rude.

Newborns are very tolerant of noise... i have five children, so definately alot of noise at times, during my babys naps etc.
Babies get used to it, and if you "pertect" them from noises so early on, she will have a nice wake up call when her baby is 6 months and wont sleep through basic talking, vacuming, and tv.

How to approach it is a toughy... maybe say nicely that you felt offended and defensive as she over reacted to your children being awake in THEIR home. She is the guest they have every right to be awake, play, laugh in her babys presence.
actually i cant give advice on that...i wouldnt want for her to freak out and you havea fight... but your not overreacting... and to me if she cant see that she was rude to you in your own home, then maybe shes not a friend worth keeping.

Answer 7

If it was her house, though I wouldn't agree with it, I could see her being that way. BUT this is your house. She is a guest in YOUR house. If she doesn't like the phone to ring or your child to come out of his room, then tell her she is welcome to go home and come back later when she can treat you with respect in your own home. Her child is going to have to learn to rest with some amount of noise going on. It's not going to be totally quiet 24/7 no matter what.

Answer 8

I think it's unfair for your friend to expect your house to be perfectly quiet, children need to learn to sleep with noises if they get used to it being totally quiet they will grow up being adult that have to have to totally quiet. I think you have every right to be pissed, it's not fair to ask you to turn the ringer on the phone off, what if you miss an emergence phone call. I think you need to tell her that if she's not comfortable with her coming to visit because your house is too noisy for her then you'll have to make different plans, but that for her to expect you to keep it completely quiet is unfair. But that is just my opinion

Answer 9

does she nurse this child? if she does, she wouldn't have to be freaking out like this - she could just nurse the child for comfort if her poor angel got startled.

Has she always been this anal, or is it just because she's a new mommy? I'd give her another chance, and if she's still like this, I'd say - let's meet at a playground, or whatever.

Answer 10

Sounds like she needs some serious Prozac!! I would be concerned for her well being if she's acting so extreme over little things.