Not wanting children can it destroy a great relationship?

Question

For the last couple of months I have dated this guy. He's educated, attractive and treats me royally. Since our meeting we've spent almost every weekend together.We are dual military O's and he is set to PCS to Tx where I am currently stationed. My issue-he has remarked to me his views of a potential wife. In my opinion most of the qaulities I possess beauty, brains, independence, confidence etc. However, last weekend he talked about having children. He explained having a large family is important to him because he was an only child and he missed not having siblings. I on the other hand have 3 siblings and I don't want to have kids. I haven't told him because I am afraid this may end our relationship. Currently he is on a training mission but upon his return we are traveling to Cancun with friends for a long, well deserved Memorial Day weekend. I don't want to be misleading; should I address my not wanting kids then or wait until he brings it up later?

Answer 1

My whole life I didn't want children. I went through so many bf's and even a marriage. But when I met the right man, my mind changed. Now pushing 40, I probably can't. But somewhere my point is, if he's the right man, give your opinion space to breathe a little. You MAY change your mind. I'm not saying change your mind, just, if he's a good man, honey they're SO hard to find, give your mind a chance to ponder it. Just a little. And it's way too soon to condemn a relationship because of it. Have fun, chill, and see what happens. : )

Answer 2

Although he won't like what you have to say, he may decide to hang in there since right now is not really the right time for him to have a family anyway, and he may just try to change your mind. However, the issue does need to be discussed before to long or he may feel that you have been leading him on by keeping him in the dark on this important issue.

Answer 3

If both the partners are of the same view then it doesn't matter. But if only one is against having children, then it is definitely hard on the other and may damage the relationship. If you are firm about having no kids then it is your moral duty to make a clean breast of it and don't mislead him further. See what happens then....Good luck.

Answer 4

This is something that needs to be discussed before it gets too serious. Having or not having kids is a very big deal, not something to worry about after marriage. You may not want to make a big deal since youve been together so short a time but just mention it, talk a little about it but like I said it needs to be discussed before its serious and your married and end up with resentment.

Answer 5

this is the two of those 2 motives : a million. She placed out long sufficient to get knocked up and as quickly as that purpose replaced into served she is now out of value. OR 2.She's the sole one looking after the cleansing, cooking and raising the new child plus working finished time at her activity and you do no longer help out with the new child and via the tip of the day she's purely drained and does not experience like having intercourse with a guy which could no longer do something yet paintings and are available homestead to take a seat down and scratch his balls jointly as ingesting beer and staring at television or taking part in videogames. If this is one then I advise you purely unload her she used you and you will desire to bypass on along with your life. If this is variety 2, then you definitely would desire to commence helping out greater so which you would be able to attain some large advantages of a gf it somewhat isn't too drained to have intercourse. EDIT: purely examine the added information, rather it purely feels like she needed to get pregnant and used you to end that that's deceitful to declare the least. do no longer marry her, if she will't even have intercourse with then you definitely it won't get from now on desirable with time, in certainty this is going to easily worsen, earlier you comprehend it you're having intercourse two times a year, on valentines day and your birthday. isn't that humorous ? that she desires to get married, yet she will't tutor you the main hassle-freed from desires for you. She purely desires to have an excuse to stay homestead looking after the new child and being a stay at homestead "spouse" and don't something yet get fat and watch cleansing soap operahs and you'd be busting your a$$ for her and can't divorce her simply by fact then you definitely will would desire to pay her alimony. purely end once you're forward, you will discover your new child 50/50 and discover yet another lady.

Answer 6

It can. Especially if neither of you are willing to compromise. And this is not an easy subject to come to a conclusion about really. Especially if neither of you can come to terms with each others feelings and thoughts.

But im not saying ur relationship will end. Just that it may be a bit more strained. All in all it comes down to how strongly you feel about each other....

Answer 7

Actually not telling him is withholding, same as lying. Sorry. Sounds like a good relationship, but if you are unwilling to compromise, maybe you should tell him and let the chips fall where they may. If you're pretty young and there's no biological clock ticking as of yet.........Maybe further down the line your views might change.

Answer 8

Well, you don't want to HAVE the kids?? Couldn't you like, adopt them, then?? On your long flight, I would definitely tell him about your prblm. The sooner you get it out, the better. It might ruin your relationship, but its worth a try, cause he's just gonna want kids in the end, no matter what you do. But sometimes you have to make sacrifices like this to be happy or make your partner happy. ♥ kris ♥

Answer 9

wait until he brings it up again and then tell him the way you feel. if he loves you, then he will understand.
having kids isnt that bad.if anything, it makes your relationship stronger and more intense. and the rewards are fantastic. but when you do talk about it again, let him know that there is plenty of time for kids and that you want to enjoy your career first. but dont wait to long. good luck!!!

Answer 10

It is best to come to an agreement about this before the two of you get more involved with each other. Bringing it up later could be devastating to the both of you.