Etiquette when a person cannot eat food served?

Question

My friend attended the wedding of a coworker; the wedding was a traditional Chinese wedding, including the food. She knew that she would'nt be able to eat the dishes served, so she planned to skip the reception. But, she stayed, and asked the manager if there was something else she could eat. She said she could tell the manager was a bit uncomfortable, but he found other food for her.
I say this was rude, inappropriate, and very poor etiquette; especially because of the different culture. I believe this would be viewed as rude in the Chinese culture. I said she should have eaten later/before or excused herself and left the reception. Again, she knew the menu in advance. She insists that what she did was OK. Anyone have an opinion?

It was an 8 course meal, but exotic and very traditional. I think she did not want to try anything.

Answer 1

I have never heard of someone deciding whether or not to attend a wedding reception based on the menu. That was kind of rude. She could have included in her RSVP that she has a special diet regiment or restrictions, and I am sure they would have been more than happy to accommodate her, if they had had enough time to prepare for that. Dropping a request like that was inappropriate at the time she did it. What she did is rude in EVERY culture. I would be concerned if she were invited to any other weddings that you were attending as well.

Answer 2

This was very rude of her. I am Muslim and there are a lot of American foods that I cannot eat. In my culture though, when you are offered food, you should eat it. I first will ask what is in the food that I am being offered and usually just make sure there is no pork. I will at least try the food. She did know what was on the menu and if she had a problem with that then she should not have went to the reception. It will not kill her to try the food. I happen to like chinese food and at first I was scared of the way it looks, but after trying it I thought it was great. She had no right to ask for something else to eat although I'm sure that she could have brought it to the bride and grooms attention during their planning that she didn't eat that food and suggested that they have a few other options that were more suited towards her. That wedding day was not about her, and she made it out to be. Rude and very inconsiderate.

Answer 3

Yes, I think that was rude. She should have made accommodations for herself either before or after the reception. It is not really the wedding staff's job to provide special diets for every person there. If I was the bride or groom and found out about that, I would be less than thrilled and a little insulted. I think she should have either eaten what was provided or she shouldn't have eaten there at all.

Answer 4

I don't think it was rude at all. There are many reasons why a person cannot, well is unwilling, to eat the food placed in front of them, including in Chinese society. For example if there was meat, there are people in China who are vegetarians for religious reasons, and they have been for centuries. There are Jews in China who went there first when the trade routes opened, so they would have have dietary restrictions.

There should have been alternatives, mostly along the lines of vegetarian dishes since that covers all of those with dietary restrictions. I am unaware of any culture where it is forbidden to eat vegatables. It was a mistake on the hosts part, not on your friends. What she did was ok.

Answer 5

WHY did she change her mind and decide to stay? Was she encouraged to by guests and or the hosts? And how much of a fuss did SHE actually make, or are you imagining the worst? If they knew she was planning on skipping the reception due to dietary restrictions or preferences, then what she did was fine in my opinion; it was however poor customer service on the part of the MANAGER, not the hosts, to make her uncomfortable and to be unprepared. If however she was not encouraged to stay - her decision to suddenly reverse her RSVP for a formal multi-course meal was the issue, not her dietary restrictions. The manager would have to charge the hosts for another guest, would have to get their ok for the additional charge, would have to come up with some unique thing to bring her for every course or have her accept ONE or maybe one "appetizer" and one "entree" item, would have to have a waitor or waitress detailed for her custom handling... ick

She could also have stayed and enjoyed the reception and just pushed the food around on her plate :) however if she appeared to be getting nothing to eat at all this might have made her fellow diners and (if aware of it) the hosts uncomfortable.

If the cultural differences made her uncomfortable to stay, then, yes, it was rude of her to remain and impose her lack of enjoyment and intolerances into a celebration. But etiquette does not require that one make oneself ill, or violate one's religious taboos, for the comfort of others. Etiquette also does not require good hosts to imagine, learn, or endulge all the dietary restrictions one's invited guests might have; providing the menu in advance and then expecting that polite human beings are capable of making choices or arranging non-disruptive adjustments (especially in commercial settings as this sounds like) is enough.

Now - WHY are you so concerned? If she implied or stated rude opinions about the hosts' and diners' chosen meal - yes, she was rude; but, I suggest etiquette would encourage one to keep any moral superiority to one's self.

Note: corrected a typo after the Asker identified it to me in an email; thanks. Adjusted last statement to ameliorate tone; no insult of asker was/is intended.

Answer 6

what she did was rude and inconsiderate. she should have just passed on dinner and eaten before or after the reception. at my wedding, we arranged for a different plate for my grandfather due to his health but, he was family and we new of this beforehand and it was our desicion.to be invited somewhere and expect to be served something special is just wrong.

Answer 7

it is totally rude. if she knew what the menu was and knew the happy couple personally then she could have made arrangements to have something else with them. if the food was an issue she also could have left. i tell ya some people are just flat out rude.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Personally, if it was a friend, I would have made plans to have something for her so she wouldn't have to ask.

I find it hard to believe that there was NOTHING she could eat.
**If she didn't want to try anything, then she should not have attended. She knew what was going to be involved.

Answer 10

you have your point but the bride and groom should have thought of this before actually pushing through with the whole menu. i mean what if the person has allergies with oily cuisine and did not mean to be rude? that person doesn't deserve to be condemned as rude forever just because that person has allergies with that cuisine, right?