Please help me!! BIG MISTAKE!!!?

Question

My now "ex" girlfriend and I were seeing each other for a year and a half. I loved her very very much. She loved me very very much. The huge problem was she would call me a lot and tell me all these things I was doing wrong in the relationship it made me feel really bad! She'd ask me sometimes "How do you think you are treating me?" And I'd say "Bad"

I don't think I treated her the best but I had my reasons behind things.

For instance my mother got very angry and me and took away my phone! Yes I'm 21 but its the truth! She got angry at me because I went away for 14 days without my phone and I did not call her! I got it back the DAY before new years and forgot to call her when the ball dropped (i was a bit drunk) She called me and started "SCREAMING" at me asking her why I hadn't called her in 14 days!
--it wasn't MY FAULT there-

(more to come!!)

I smoke pot it's a big thing with me and she knows that! She's known that since we started dating! I had a house party in which i asked her to PLEASE let me smoke that night. (i did invite her of course) She was in tears crying telling me it made her feel very uncomfortable and she didn't want me to smoke...well...this was "MY NIGHT" I'm sorry it really was! I told her not to come to my party because I planned on smoking. I mean she could have been more nice about things like asked me to only smoke a little bit! I did make a promise to her I would never smoke in front of her! But this was ONE NIGHT

she over reacted to everything! She saw nude pictures on my phone and "assumed" that I was seeing other women when in reality i was not. My friend's had sent me them they were pictures of his girlfriends.

She works and goes to school as do I! I don't have much money so I don't really take her out much. That's not a crime to me! There are so many other things we can do aside from "go out" all the time. She always wanted to go out and would get mad because I'd only take her out once or twice a month and sometimes made her pay because I had no money....She would get "ANGRY" if she had to pay for herself and said that since we only go out once a month I should at least save up enough to take her out and pay! (HIGH MATINENCE)

Well now here's the BIG ISSUE!

My girlfriend was going to this girls wedding it was a really good friend of hers wedding and she had begged me to take off. First of all I COULDN'T GET OFF!! I really couldn't! She gave me 3 weeks notice and I have to give them a month were i work! I explained that to her and she STILL got angry! Well I Got off of work at 8 and she asked me to come by to the wedding reception I said no...I got invited to my guy friend's frat party and I really wanted to attend this. In the end I didn't even end up going to the frat party so she over reacted MORE by yelling at me for not coming to the wedding because I ended up sitting at home!!

Well while she was there she met another guy!!! And now dumped me for him!!!

You'd think after a year in a half a girl would not do that to there boyfriend!!!!

DID I REALLY TREAT HER THAT BADLY?
and NO I AM NOT QUITTING POT!!! NOT FOR ANYONE!!!

but i want her back what do i do now that she's seeing this other guy

Answer 1

first try to write your question in two lines

Answer 2

hmmm..yr gf wants u to talk to her.. by getting on another guy she wants to see yr reaction.. she might want to test whether u love her or not right..
as u couldnt manage to leave smoking 4 her nor were u able to reach to her very important event .. so she might have felt insecure..
u can always end up her questions and issues by flattering her..
as for taking out.. do something unexpected instead.. like take a gift .. that will cost u less.. even a flower will go.. all girls want is affection from their guys...
right now if u want to make up with her.. just talk.. meet her at some place .. and ask her to say everything she wants to say.. and when she get too much a cannon.. give her a kiss and an aplogy gift .. shell forget rest of the issues..
and if she is serious with the other guy.. i am sure then u know what to do...
Dont promise to quit smoking if u cant .. just say u need more time.. u'll leave it gradually
ask for some time ..
and as for yr mother .. she loves u 2.. and she was worried thats y she screamed and took yr cell away..if u would have handled her with love.. she would have slipped 2 .. and would have given it back to u.. try it.. i iknow some mothers dont like it.. but sometimes to get what u want u have to be a little over expressive

Answer 3

I would have gone by the reception. She did nothing wrong. It is your fault. If you have no respect for someone - they leave. That's that. You may want to explore your addiction to pot. It is getting in the way of relationships. If you put being able to smoke pot ahead of the people in your life, you will keep having the same problems.

Not calling someone for 14 days because you forgot your phone tells someone you don't care at all. No matter where you are, you can borrow someone's phone, you can use a calling card, etc. , and they even have pay phones in places.
Unless you were in the millitary and were on a secret mission, no excuse not to call.

And as far as having nude pics on your phone of someone else's girl - it IS your fault. Don't blame your friend. You could have deleted them or told him no thanks/stop sending. If your friend has such little respect for his girlfriend that he thinks nothing of sending private photos of her to friends, then I question how much you respect women and just other people as you seem to think this is acceptable and keep folks who feel this way as close friends

It seems your life is full of not taking responsibility for your own actions. You blame everyone and everything else.

She is better off without you.

Yes, stuff happens in life but only if you let it

Answer 4

It sounds like you guys have differing priorities, which are not always each other. It's a recipe for a difficult relationship, which seems to be the case here. If you love someone, you don't forget to call them b/c you're drunk, and you don't make smoking pot more important than sacrificing something that would mean a lot to your partner. I'm not trying to sound like I'm on a high horse here, but as long as you are going to live like you are a teenager, your relationships are going to resemble high school relationships. A little maturity will go a long way.

Answer 5

Calling you and telling you all the things you are doing wrong is frankly not what you need. I have known people who do things like that, and they try to use emotional blackmail to get their way with things. I know they don't do it on purpose, but you don't need someone constantly telling you all the ways you are failing to be the boyfriend you should be.

We all have incidents where we don't take the best course of action and end up hurting people. All you can do is learn from it and try not to repeat your mistakes.

If you really care about her, you can probably make this work, but I don't think it's acceptable for her to blackmail you by asking you things like "How do you think you are treating me?"

Hmmm, okay, now that you've posted more, I can respond more accurately.She felt insecure in your relationship with you, and she needed to be top priority for you. You didn't treat her badly in general, but she needed more. I would accept tht it is over, especially as it seems she doesn't want to be with a pot-smoker.

Move on, and learn.

Answer 6

mommy took your phone away at 21? Why does mommy control your phone? Do you not have landline phones or couldn;'t you use a friends phone in 14 days to call your girl friend??? Sounds like you're using excuses for not keeping in touch with her.
Oh and you smoke pot too and need a "my night" cause I'm smoking- time to grow up sweetie and be a man....
get a job so you can afford your phone and get off the pot-

Answer 7

The word for you is "moderation". you need to drink in moderation and smoke in moderation. if you smoked less and drink less then you would have money to take her out and at least pay for yourself. and weddings are an emotional time for girls especially if it is for their good friend. they consists of a lot of couples, old friends with questions about your life, when are you getting married etc. so being by herself would have be awkward for her since she actually has a boyfriend and I'm sure ppl asked where you were. If you want her back you need to make changes and not just say it actually do it. I would start with taking her out to dinner and you pay for it. she just wants you to do the little things to make her feel special.

Answer 8

All i can say.. it isnt burger king.. you cant always have things your way... Step up and show some respect. You could have found a pay phone. borrowed someone elses phone. cripes you could have sent a postcard..She felt abandon by you. If you know the pot thing is so upsetting to her then just maybe she isnt the one for you.. That is part of your lifestyle and not hers.. that will be a huge problem down the road..

Answer 9

she obviously cares about you and wants to be with you. both of you have overreacted to different events. on the phone thing well she has no control over that and should have understood that the phone was unavailable. however old school technology of payphones could have made contact possible

the pot thing is one that i have seen a lot. i had two friends in a similar situation. the one thing that the girls said its illegal and i will not go to jail with you if thats what you do. so yea that one is hard

good luck man

Answer 10

I would drop the smoking and let her know you intend to do so.

I know it sucks to drop something you don't want to do, but the girl sounds more important to you. You could always secretely smoke, but that would probably make you feel guilty.

21 and your mom took away your phone? what the hell? I live with my parents at 20, but I can't imagine them taking away my phone. In fact, they really don't bother me at all unless I miss school/work or have mail. I would definitely move out immediately. The rent increase will suck - but a mother like that sounds horrible.

Answer 11

Your question only give cause for me to ask more questions. Do you work? Do you go to school? Have you had relationships in the past? My first piece of advice is to get out of your mother's house and get a job if you don't have one already. It doesn't sound like you are ready to be involved in a serious relationship till you get your own "stuff" together. Date a few people, have a good time, hang out with friends and find some mature people who you admire and try to be more like them. Avoid hanging out with disrepectful people who send out nude photos of their girlfriends to their friends, you can be sure if he is that disrespectful to her he will be that disrespectful to you.
Enjoy being 21 and set a plan in motion to gain some maturity and have some fun in the process.