parental rights?

Question

here's the story: i got pregnant by my ex boyfriend, we were all excited and going to get married. however; at about 3 months, when i moved back home to go to school, and away from him. he then completely stopped talking to me. during that time i have gotten back together with my previous ex boyfriend (of 3 years) and he wants to raise the child with me as his own. since the actual father hasn't had anything to do with me or the pregnancy. i called him and asked him what he wanted, and if i didnt hear from him i would assume that its alright for my bf to be the father. he said to do what i wanted. so now i need to know, do i need him to sign something or what to get him to give up his rights? since he has never been involved and doesn't want to be. so that way my fiancee can be on the birth certificate? what do i need to do to make all this happen and have him be on there? so they have his last name and not the actual fathers? not sure what i have to do to make it so hes not involved

first off. i don't spread my legs. so thanks for being an a$$hole. you don't know me so don't judge. i'm 23 years old. not like i'm some 17 yr old whos having her 4th kid. so shut the hell up. second. the biological father is a extremely abusive drunk. i've been pushed, hit and many other things, even while pregnant because of his drinking and dont want my daughter to have to go through that.

i do want to thank all of you who are offering positive advice. and not putting me down. i know it sounds horrible, but i can't have him be around my daughter with the way he acts. my fiancee is a great man, and is and always has been the love of my life. we just have had some time apart which was when i made the mistake i did with the biological father. i do know what i'm doing. and am going to marry him, and he will be a great father who will always be there. unlike the real father who doesnt' know what he's doing tomorrow even and is abusive.

more or less thank you if you are one of the people who are giving me positive advice and not shooting me down.

Answer 1

Well since the 2 of you were never married, he would have to take you to court to get rights, if he does not wan't anything to do with the baby, I'm sure he would have no problem signing over his rights, then your bf could go through the adoption process. It would be best to contact a lawyer to see the exact laws in your state. Good luck!


To some of the other answers, there is nothing worse than a deadbeat dad! Why put that child through years of dissapointment, when the baby is older he might want to know the real dad. Anyone can be a father it takes a special person to be a DAD!

And no, the father's name does not have to be on the birth certificate, my mother's name is the only on one my birth certificate.


You can not make someone want to be a dad. My daughter has her father and she has her dad. Her father just helped create her, her dad, my husband is the one that has raised her, he is the one that is there for her when she has a cut or just needs a hug. Good luck in you and your baby's future!

Answer 2

I don't think anyone on here is really trying to say your a bad person, but they are trying to get you to understand that you made a poor choice. This is what happens when alot of times when people lead with their heart and/or bodies, and not with their minds. I don't at all feel this baby was a mistake, no baby is. But I think that you need to think long and hard about what will end up being the best in the long run, and get advice from a professional on this. For one thing, your story doesn't really made sense. You said you guys were "all excited and going to get married." Then later on you start talking about how abusive he was. Which is it? Don't turn your mistake into something that will end up hurting the child in the future. Just because you put this new guy on the birth certificate, doesn't change DNA. If the real father decides in the future, lets say a couple of years, that he does want to be in this childs life, he can go to court and request a DNA test and if he is proven to be the father, he can be given visitation rights. I know that there have been many fathers that have started out saying they don't care to be in their childs life, and then after a few years, they start having feelings of guilt and decide that they do want a relationship with their child. His lack of interest now, doesn't mean that he won't ever be given parental rights in the future. How do you think it would affect this child, if this man came up when the child was about 5, and he was given visitation rights? Your child would have been raised for 5 years thinking this other man is her dad, and then would have to basically get to know a stranger.

You need to talk to an attorney about this. If you really are positive that this new boyfriend/fiance is going to be around for the long haul, then it would be best that the biological father actually sign away his rights and this man legally adopts the child. That way there are no loose ends that you would have to tie up later on.

I know that no one likes to be critisized for the choices they make, but the people who you feel have put you down or insulted you, have just been trying to make you understand that this is a prime example of why people shouldn't be having children without being in a commited relationship. Even though marriages do fail, at least being married to the father of your child, would do away with some of the problems that you are now going to have to deal with. Putting this new guys name on the birth certificate or having him give the baby his last name, WILL NOT change DNA and it will not mean that the biological father has no rights to this child. He can get rights to this child if he seeks them and like I said, what will you do if he seeks them after this child has bonded with this current boyfriend/fiance?

Answer 3

I just wouldnt put him on the birth certificate. You could also have your fiancee just sign the birth certificate as the babys father, you ex would have to take you to court to get that changed and it doesnt sound like he is that interested. Also I dont know where you live or when you are getting married, but in some states the man you are married too is automatically assumed the father and but on the birth certificate. You can aslo have him sign away all parental rights that does include the right you have to child support, then your future husband can adopt your baby. Good for you for getting out of an abusive sitution and trying to keep your baby out if it.

Answer 4

Well, I know one thing that you can do. If he doesn't show up at the hospital when the baby is born you certainly don't have to put him down as the father. Infact every state has been passing laws that if the father doesn't sign a paternity agreement at the hospital they won't put him on the birth certificate. So if the father doesn't show, but your fiance is there have him sign the paternity agreement. He will be your husband and taking care of the child with you, so why not. My fiance is going to do this with my oldest son when we go to court to add the father on the certificate because my son doesn't have a father put down, and they don't do dna just to put a name down. And if you put your fiance down as the father, the real father will have a very low chance in court of getting parental rights for the simple fact that its another man on the baby's certificate. Hope that helps a little bit and good luck to you.

Answer 5

I think it depends on your state laws. A friend of mine was pregnant and the father of the baby also became emotionally abusive. So she left him when he didn't try to contact him she just didn't list a dad on the birth certificate. Then when she married her now husband he adopted the baby as his own very easily because there was no father listed. I don't know if you can do this in your state or if you have to list a father if you do list the new boyfriend who wants to raise the baby. If the actual father ever decides he wants something to do with the baby he will have to pay court cost, paternity test, and child support.

Answer 6

Don't ever let anybody tell you that because you two are not married that the father has no parental rights. He most certainly does and he can enforce them.

Two things to get done, and I suggest you get on them fast because they both take time.

First:

Get a relinquishment of parental rights from the father. That will require a court order.

Second:

The bf needs to adopt the kid as soon as you two are married.

You'll need a good family lawyer for this. Obvously, while you are in some trouble just now, you are a person of some integrity. Many women in your position would just "terminate" the child. Good luck.

Answer 7

you cannot just 'put' his name onto the birth certificate, you will have to go through the courts and have the new 'father' adopt the baby, if thats the way you want to go

basically, as you and the origonal father are unwed, he has no parental rights, but if he ever decides to, he can take you to court and fight for parental responsibility,

the only way to avoid the above would be to get the father to 'sign-over' the baby

but seriously think about what you are thinking of doing, because of 2 reasons

1 ) the new 'father' will then have full parental responsiblity, and if you ever split up, you will not be able to stop him seeing the child as FULL rights would have been granted, ( unless its really that serious )

2 ) one day, the child might like to find out who its real father is, and if they find out then who he is, they will meet and possibly bond, from there it could get pretty sticky if you have 'signed' the baby over

you dont know what life is going to throw at you, - at least wait a few years, and then if all goes well with the new father, then you can have him adopt the child

Answer 8

Ask an attorney because the guy may say that now but unless you get him to sign over his rights then he can come back on you later.

Also, you need to marry the boyfriend and let him adopt your child if he will do that. If he will not marry you and adopt the child then you do want the child to be able to have support from its father.

Don't be a fool you are in a predicament but think of the child and who will support him/her; a natural father is the child's right so you need to keep that right for the baby.

Answer 9

I think you need to contact a lawyer. Laws vary from state to state and province to province. This much I do know, he can waive his rights to the child but he has to sign it off. You new beau can't be on the birth certificate as he isn't the biological father but he can adopt the child and it will be his own. This also would help to abrogate the biological Dad's rights.

Try calling Legal Aid if you can't afford a lawyer.

Good luck.

Sarah

Answer 10

as long as you were not married to the natural father, when you have the baby, just put his name on the birth certificate. Now, if the natural father tries to contest it down the road, the judge will ask who has been helping you raise the child. Then a good judge will say, then he's the father.