Me and my dad do NOT get along. He supports nothing I do?

Question

My dad is always right behind me watching everything I do. I just now went to get a cup of yogurt out of the fridge when he turns around from the couch and glared at me. Whenever I eat he glares and says "Your gonna weigh 300 lbs if you don't stop eating so much!!" and I eat healthy foods and only weigh 93 and I am 12. We never have been close, I have always been a mommy's girl. Also, next weekend I am having a sleepover with my friends for my birthday Friday night-Saturday afternoon and he says hes going to stay in a motel. He never supports anything I do like band, choir, 4-H, my dream to be a vet, etc. He always puts me down. He makes fun of my mom too, and puts her down saying she's a 'fat lard' ad sleeps all the time. She is a nurse and works 4 nights a week on nightshift, so she has to sleep some during the day. My parents want a divorce, and I sort of want them to too. But I will miss my horses because my dad owns them. I just don't see how I can get close to him. Help?

Also, he seems most mean and mad when me and my mom are together, but when it is just me and him he seems....sort of nice!?! He took me out to a restaurant and everything when it was just me and him.

Oh, and he is like so skinny. He eats barely anything and rides his bicycle outside all the time and if it is rainy he rides downstairs indoors on his rollers. He believes in being a skeleton. He hates obese people too.

It is just so weird......

Answer 1

sounds like dad had weightphobia girl eat that yougurt and tell your dad that a child at 12 should be eating 1600 calories daily.he seems to have some self esteem issues and just like a bully puts it onto others to make himself feel better but the truth is if we all stopped and looked inthe miror wed se something we didnt like but that does not give us the right to take it out on others if he cant handle /control what those around him eat then get him a hobby involving strict mythotical counting so hell have control over at least one thing

Answer 2

Hey I'm sorry you have to put up with a man like that for a father I thought mine was bad. I mean you can try talking to your mom about him first and tell her how you feel so that she can possibly talk to him however it doesn't seem as if he respects her either. So I think you should wait till you two are along (since thats when he's nicest) and just tell him how you feel. Let him know that you love him and want the two of you to be closer but if he keeps discouraging and not participating in your life you afraid that you two what be as close in the future. Let him know that something has to change. And I'm sure you will get to see you horses a divorce just maybe better for you mom because daddy is verbally abusing her which means he is hurting her with his words and that can hurt mommy's feelings alot especially when she is working a lot.

Answer 3

You sound very level headed for a young lady in your situation. I'm sorry that your dad is unkind to you and your mother. Based on what you say, perhaps it would be better if they split up, but either way, it is out of your hands.

Maybe sometime when you are spending time alone with your father, if it becomes apparent the divorce will actually happen, you can ask about him keeping--and you coming to visit--your horses, and him too? You could mention what terrific exercise horseback riding is.

It's such a shame that he's saying the things he is about your weight. If you feel that responding to him is right, I would say something neutral like "my doctor says my weight is right where it should be," or perhaps if you want to be more direct, "it hurts my feelings when I hear negative things like that. A person needs to eat to live, and I try to do it as healthy as I can."

You may not be able to get close to him without his cooperation. Take care of yourself, and don't take his anger to heart.

Answer 4

I'm sorry that you are so young and are having to deal with this already! You are at a perfectly fine weight, you have a mother that cares for you, and all your friends care about you. You should stand up for yourself, and tell him that you are not liking the things that he's saying to you, or about your mother. Your father sounds very... not like a father should be. Your parents should go through with the divorce, and maybe things will be easier on you and your mom (although your parents will have to share custody over you). Just hang in there, and hopefully it will be all over soon.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Well...first...you are very smart to identify unhealthy components of your relationship with your father. It's a good thing because, it could be very hard on your self esteem if you took it personally. It could lead to negative body image and eating disorders.

Why not see a counsellor at school? It seems like you need to talk and vent some feelings. It is very healthy to avoid a build up of negative energy. You are at an age where hormones are very active so do the right thing and talk to a professional. Nobody needs to know, not even your mother.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I'm sorry but it's going to be hard getting close to someone who, once you open up to, may hurt you even worse.

It's really unfair of him to constantly put you down. Don't worry about what he says - you'll be fine once the divorce is over. Because of this, however, you may have to share custody with your parents, so you'll have to see your dad once and a while. You will still see your horses :-)

Answer 7

you dad may probably be in some kind of health problem that resulted in the way he say or do things. Since from the way you put it, he is frequently angered when it concerns obesity. I suggest you spend more time with him ask him questions bout why he is always so mean to you when he is your father and that things shouldn't be this way.

Answer 8

Your dad sounds as if he has his own problems. I might bring up to him that he is not very supportive and that you don't like it. I would make a point out of surrounding myself with people who are generally supportive. the last thing you want is someone stopping you from happiness.