Is my boyfriend being selfish or am I displacing my anger?

Question

I recently moved out of the apartment I was cohabiting with my boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months. We have had rocky times and great times, so it is an average relationship until recently. His mother is a hypochondriac and she hurts me by using rude remarks alot and getting away with it. I confronted my bf to tell him I felt in the shadows because of it and we argued so much that it had to crumble. However, a microscopic aspect of the core of our problems lies in communication. We spoke online about maybe making up and trying again without his mum in our minds which seemed fair enough as our love is still strong. But today I bought him a spare ticket to a concert to which he didn't say thankyou for. I had to ask him if he was going to in order for him to say it, and it occurred to me that this happened alot during the rocky times to cause arguments. I asked him if he was uncaring and he just said 'maybe' and challenged me by cussing me. Is it my own high expectations? Am I wrong? :(

Answer 1

You know when you are confident about who you are, no one in this world can hurt your feelings or offend you, because you already know who you are, and if someone else has a problem with you, then they're the one with the problem, not you. When you are certain about yourself, and you like who you are, there is nothing in this world anyone can ever say to you that will change your mind. If you were enjoying life and feeling good about yourself until someone said something, it is only because you doubt yourself and fear what others "might" think of you.

What matter is what "you" think of you. If you keep track of how many people forget to say thankyou or don't say I'm sorry, you'll be miserable all the time. Didn't you give him the tickets to be with him? so he could go to the concert, and enjoy it, too? Didn't you want to know if he was going or not? It wasn't just to hear him say "thankyou" to you, right?

Love doesn't keep a record wrongs, if it did, no one would be in love very long. That's why people sometimes say love is, "blind", when you're truly in love, he or she is the most wonderful person in this world and could do no wrong in your eyes. Little things don't bother you. You find a way to work out your differences because you don't want to lose what you got.

Everybody knows the signs when something is about to lead to an argument, if you truly enjoy being together and getting along, then pay attention to the signs and try to avoid arguments, whether it's your bf, or anyone else you meet. It makes life so much easier. If his mom or whatever is a touchy subject, don't bring it up.

If you decide to get back together with him, think about the "great times", look forward, & not back. You can't spend your whole life look through the rear view mirror, plan ahead. If you don't like something change it. If you see something you like that he does, tell him. And maybe one day, he'll learn to say thankyou from his heart. If you love him, make him feel good about himself and who he is.

A guy feels responsible for his lady's happiness, if you're not happy or smiling, he automatically thinks it's "him", and beats himself up. When he tries to make it right again, maybe it doesn't come out right or not exactly as he planned, he gets into a spiral of tying to please a woman, failing, and beating himself up some more, because he doesn't know what she likes. If you wait for him to figure it out or think he should just know, you'll be waiting a long time. Eventually, he'll give up and just stop trying,or he'll look else where. That's why it is so important to praise him when he "does" do something right that you like. Because guys really don't know, they just guess and try things out to try to see what kind of response they get or not. The more 'input' they can get, the more certain about you they are, the more confident and open they'll be with you.

A guy needs his girl to feel proud of him, because it makes him feel "special". He needs to make a woman happy to feel good about himself. And the more special you can make him feel, the more special he'll treat you, provided he knows what is you like. i.e. If you treat a real man like a "king", he'll honor you like a queen. If not, he's not a man, but a boy.

Men revert back to little boys when they don't get special attention. They do just like a little boy does, they act out to get attention. They get lost if you don't let them know what they're supposed to do, they NEED to know "when" something they did was the right thing or not. The more you ignore them, the more they act out. They honestly don't know what to do and they want a woman who is not afraid to tell them. If you do what you can to make him feel special, believe me, he'll thankyou and then some.

**These are things that if I would've known this years earlier, It could have saved me alot of heartache. That's why I'm sharing this with you now because I wish somebody would have told, me.

Answer 2

Dear Nell,
You can do SO much better than an ungrateful cretin like that.
Why not just kick him to the curb and go looking for a man who will treat you like a lady.
I had to go through two disastrous marriages and several boyfriends such as the one you describe before I finally found the man I am married to now. He has not always been a walk in the park, but appreciates the things I do for him AND SAYS SO! Manners are a social lubricant I insist on.
Sit yourself down and commit to paper the list of things a man needs to do for you to stay happy with him. Include everything, such as being punctual, saying thank you, saying "I love you" every day, and putting the cap back on the toothpaste, if those are your particular requirements.
Be sure to word your requirements in a positive way. For example, say "Put the cap on the toothpaste" instead of "Don't leave the cap off the toothpaste." Then, when you meet a fellow who seems likely to make an acceptable partner, ask him what YOU need to do to keep HIM happy. After he writes down his list, and gives it to you, read it to determine whether you're willing to grant his wishes. If so, then give him a copy of YOUR list.
Best wishes, finding a BF who appreciates you.

Answer 3

Get rid of him he obviously thinks more about his own selfish wants and has no consideration for your plight,it can Be difficult dealing with extended families but it has to be a united front and he seems to be more interested in making you extend the olive branch and then rubbing it in until you feel you have to ask for forgiveness/reconciliation if that is really his nature then he's a control freak in the sneakiest possible way and you're better off trying to find someone who'll meet you at least half way.I hope this helps and wish you all the luck in the world.

Answer 4

You don't need all that stress, just move on. There are alot more wonderful men in the world, you just have to let go of this one. If he loved you as much as you love him, he would care about your feelings. So what I am trying to say is... just let him go and get back in the dating world. I'm sure you'll find someone else because you seam like a great girl.

Answer 5

Not worth it , it seems like your always going to have the problem with your ex boyfriend/boyfriends mum because lets face it shes his mum and hes going to try to pass it off as much as he can , secondly the thing with the ticket its not you, that was uncalled for and you need to find out whats happened between you for him to be like that because it cant just be his mum . hope that kinda helped.

Answer 6

You're boyfriend is being selfish and greedy I mean he needs to be polite and love you and care for you and try to make his mom stop so no you aren't displacing you're anger you are right he is being so selfish and needs some serious help!!

Answer 7

He and his mother are treating you with contempt. Ditch him, have a fantastic time as a single girl, and you will bump into someone much nicer who will appreciate you, and hopefully have a really nice mother!

Answer 8

No sound like your boyfriend isnt so much intresed in you anymore because he doesnt care about your feelings or what you think of him his maby trying to create conflict because his not happy being in the relationship. maby you should ask him if he still wants to be in the relationship.

Answer 9

I think the problem is the 1 year and 8 months. Us men have very short attention spans. It's to do with our high IQ's. After 6 months we are normally back admiring th view again, if you know what I mean. Sorry, it's a guy thing, you probably won't understand.

Answer 10

yeah, your wasting your time.

any man that's not gonna say thank you for a free concert ticket needs to be kicked in the balls.

dump him, he aint worth the trouble and the anguish.