Any help??

Question

Okay, my boyfriend used to deal and 'do' cocaine. He quit about a year and a half ago. We now have a daughter who is one, and he recently did it again, then sold the rest for a 'buddy'. When he uses he is very mean, and violent...He will not talk to me or tell me why he decided to do it again, especially while he is on it.. When I lecture about our daughter, how he can have her taken...he doesn't really say much. He does cry when he knows that he has upset eveyone in his family! I want to help him, but when his friends are pushing it, and it is at his work its kinda hard. Any advice or tips??

Answer 1

Do not live with him until he has been clean and in a rehab program at leas 6 months. If this doesn't make him straighten out, nothing will. Meanwhile, do not endanger your baby by staying with him.
You can't make him stop. Only he can.

Answer 2

The first thing you should stop doing is lecturing. I know you're worried about your daughter and have every right to be. Lecturing him, though, only drives home his guilt for doing it.

People use drugs because they're trying to escape. He won't talk about the reason he did it again after a year and a half of sobriety. He knows it was a stupid thing to do. He knows you could lose your daughter if he continues to do it. He sold it for a buddy? Could it be he's feeling financial pressure and sold it to try to bring more money into the household? He cries when he realizes he hurt his family. The people he cares about the most. He's a good person inside and he's struggling. What he needs is love and understanding. When he quit before did he do it through a program or on his own? Would he be willing to get some help this time by going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting?

Instead of lecturing and talking at him, try listening to him. Be there for him. Let him know you love him. Let him know you are the kind of person he can open up to. When he trusts that he won't have to hear about what a bad person he is, he may open up a little more and be more accepting of whatever help you can offer him.

Unfortunately drugs are everywhere and the temptation is hard to fight. Remind him of how strong he was for a year and a half. He cleaned up his act and was doing really well. Remind him of his good qualities. Dragging him down with lectures may only push him into doing drugs more. Lectures will only tell him he's no good and enough of them could cause him to lose whatever self esteem he's been able to build up over the past year and a half. Encourage him to stay away from the people who are involved with drugs. These people are not his friends.

I know how hard this is for you. I went through something similar. Luckily, there were no kids involved. Sometimes you just have to wait and hope for the best. It sounds like your boyfriend has a lot going for himself and he just made one mistake. Let him know you can forgive him for that mistake and encourage him to go back to sobriety. No one's perfect. Everyone falls off the wagon at some time or another. It's when we fall that we need love the most.

Answer 3

First take your daughter to the doctor to get a physical, and request for a blood test. I think you know why.

I think I know a way to help your boyf. Have him commented to a program where he can seek help. Once he is released make sure he continues to go to meetings. You and his family should also attend the meetings with him. What he needs is constant support by his family. When your boyf is off the drugs that's when he needs you the most! Staying off the drugs is the key and don't rely on him to have the ability do it himself. Everyone has to help him continually to fight this addiction. Keep in mind that in the back of his head the idea of coke is visibly there!

When he is out of the program help find a job. Try to keep him away from the crowd who does drugs and find some better friends. Mostly keep him in your prayers.

God Bless