I met my finace's sister for the first time, she lives out of state and came to visit. When I was talking to her, I told her about myself and how I am quick to judge other people. She looked me right in the eye and told me the first time I ever judge her, she will judge me back. After that she gave me the cold shoulder and hardly spoke to me. I talked to my finace about this and he basically said I has no right to tell her that and she's not lying, he knows his sister and that she will do as she says. What should I say to make her accept and like me? I feel terrible for telling her that.
2007-04-28 09:50:48 · 6 answers · asked by lighting_the_way 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i probably wouldn't have let that info slip into a conversation in the first place but, if it wasn't said as a threat or maliciously, then she should get over it.it was just conversation. perhaps she wasn't sure what you meant or why you said it. call her and talk to her about it. tell her your sorry if she was offended. you didn't intend it that way. if she still chooses to be a ***** about it, so be it. then it's her problem.
2007-04-28 13:00:08 · answer #1 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People tend to take things very personally. She may have also thought it was an attack on her and that you didn't like her and had already judged her when you said that. It's amazing how a simple thing can be twisted so much by another person and you have to realize that people do not think the same way you do and will not understand you the way you mean things.
Best thing to do is approach her and say just you feel maybe she misunderstood you and you feel terrible and didn't mean it the way it may have sounded. Tell her briefly what you meant and see what she says. She seems like a person who says what she thinks. If she still treats you crappy after that, then it's going to be a tough relationship. Good luck and if she's descent at all, she will recognize your sincerity and be nice afterwards.
2007-04-28 17:02:29 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really don't mean to disregard your fiance's opinion, but if your were actually having a conversation with her,(as long as the timing is appropriate), discussing a chachter flaw (such as your tendency to judge people immediately) would be fine, unless of course she is one that would be easily judged by all. Basically, you are going to have to apologize. I know, in your eyes, you have done nothing wrong, but she feels differently. Just say that you never EVER meant to offend her, (state the occasion and what you said). She might still be a bit cold, but from there... once she warms up to you, try to find some common ground and base your relationship off of that.
2007-04-28 17:10:49 · answer #3 · answered by Elise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit your s-i-l down and tell her that you two got off on the wrong foot.
Explain to her that you didn't actually mean that you are quick to judge people but that you are a quick judge of character and that you knew she was a good and understanding person from the moment that you met her.
It doesn't matter what you meant(Why you would tell someone that you are quick to judge people is beyond me, of course they would automatically assume that you have already judged them).What matters is smoothing things over with your future S-I-L.
Good luck.
2007-04-28 17:08:32 · answer #4 · answered by nailgal2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did HE tell you that you had no right tell her that. You can tell anything about yourself to anybody you want. I think it was kind of nice that you realize this about yourself and that you can admit you have this problem. Sounds like she has something to hide and maybe she thinks your bf had told you already. Don't worry about this woman accepting you! If she LOVES you to death it will not make a bit of difference about anything. If it is REALLY bothering you, call her and tell her you think that you two got off on the wrong foot and you want to know what you can do to make it right. Good luck. Sounds like you are going to have weird in-laws like mine.
2007-04-28 17:29:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why do you feel terrible being who you are? if that is the way you are then thats the way you are. why try to chnage things now? if your future sis in law doesnt like you for what you said, dont worry she will get over you, if you judge her then wahstthe big deal, let her judge you right back. ok now what? nothing. i mean if yo uare going ot be apologizing everytime you open your mouth then shut up. seriously. dont say something you cant take back andnever say something to a family memeeber. goodl uck!!
2007-04-28 17:00:06 · answer #6 · answered by Christina 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋