Should I ask my daughter to move out?

Question

My 20-yr-old daughter is totally self absorbed and is snappy, rude, abrupt, and most of the time, barely tolerant of me. She works full time and has started paying $100 per month rent for the last 3 months. Living with her is like walking on eggshells. Unfortunately, everytime I confront her on her behaviour or ask her not to speak to me like that, the situation deteriorates into a confrontation with her swearing and saying I'M annoying and rude and she doesn't want to talk to me. We've had a couple of nasty blowouts in the last year where I've ended up telling her to move out but it all blows over and she's nice for a day or two. She says I always throw "move out" at her, but I don't know how else to get through to her. She's basically an adult. I treat her and talk to her with respect and expect the same back. Any advice appreciated.

Answer 1

No, do not ask her to move out. TELL her to move out. She wont grow up until she experiences what it is like to be on her own. She sounds like a perpetual teenager. She needs to experience the realities of life. Give her a set time to be gone...like 3 months. If you cant stick to it then dont whine about how she is. That makes you part of the problem.

Answer 2

Obviously there is miscommunication between the two of you. Both of get hotheaded while confronting each other. But both of you have love n respect for each other thats for sure.

From my experience I have noticed that daughters-mothers argue,fight a lot. Be it in any part of the world. While the male members are slightly quiet compared to the two of them. I think you should give her some more time. Once she settles in her job,life she will understand u better. If you tell her to move out time n again ur relationship will detiorate n neither of u would want that to happen. My advice to u confront her sometime when she u both are not arguing. Tell her what u feel about her attitude. If you have financial constraints ask her to help you out by paying for the bills,... Family is very important n u dont want to spend ur life without them.

Answer 3

Absolutely......demand the respect you deserve, I don't care if she is 20 or 12. She is living under YOUR roof (and paying a mere $100??) and she needs to pull her head out.

Maybe once she steps out into the adult world, she will grasp some concepts of respect, manners and responsibility. I think it is sad that you are walking on eggshells........ give her a deadline 'You have until the end of May to find another place to live" and stick with it. She will undoubtedly have a fit but she will get over it because once she has a taste of the real world, she will realize how badly she took advantage of you.

Answer 4

I know I get along better with my mom since i do not live in the same house. I hope it will be the same for you two. Yes I think it may be time for her to find her own place. Offer to help move her things and maybe pay for a moving truck is necessary? Tell her you are serious this time and your relationship needs to change for the better. You can work on being friends now. Reassure her (and yourself) that you love her and want the best for her, that would be the reason for the separation. Since she works fulltime, she should be able to make it on her own. suggest a weekly dinner at your place, whatever you feel comfortable with. Just work to keep lines of communication open. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

about the asking for the respect you deserve remark... respect has to be earned. obviously, your daughter doesn't feel you deserve that respect. you have to talk to her... and i don't necessarily mean a casual chat... no, something alont the lines of a heart-to-heart. there's got to be something that she's unhappy about. even at that, she needs to know her limitations. after all, she has to realize that you're not here to act as the badguy and tell her what she can and can't do. after all, she's an adult. it's obvious that you're treating her like one.

i've noticed this behavior in my younger sister and mother. the reason that's not working out is because both of them will -not- let -anything- the other does go. neither of them do anything to de-escalate the situation.

with such a low monthly rent, i know -i- would be tickled pink to have such an offer from -my- parents. that having been said, she needs to realize how lucky she is and how she's taking advantage of you. she's your daughter, but you don't deserve to be mistreated like this.

again, you need to sit her down and have a talk with her. in this roundtable discussion, you can give eachother some insight as to what's happening on eachother's end... and why certain things are being said, and why certain things are being done. good, solid communication is the only way this is going to be resolved. if she doesn't want to talk about it, your only resolution is to have her removed from the nest. as cruel as it may seem, she has to learn about the consequences of her own actions; that's not something you should have to shield her from.

Answer 6

Somebody told me that if it werent for the behavior you're describing we would never be able to live without them. Yes its time she moved on. I bet after she leaves you guys will become best friends.

I dont know how you ask one of your children to move out, so Im suggesting that since she wants to act like a room mate that you treat her like one. She splits the cost of the bills down the middle. And food. Her car insurance/payment. Everything. After awhile she will either see that she is paying so much anyway, she might as well move out. Or she realizes how good she has it at home and couldnt make it on her own so she starts respecting you and all youve accomplished.

Its a life lesson without you having to be a wicked mother which Im sure isnt really in you to do.

Answer 7

What country r u in?? In US this is normal behaviour , she does not respect you/authority because you have handed her everything on a platter and this is the result so eat it! When you have had your fill, get counselling....& get God.
O! and she treats you like this because somebody, somewhere that she has observed treats YOU the same way!! Stop letting family walk all over you! Stop taking crap for breakfast-lunch-dinner. Demand respect by getting psychological help first, don't toss her now because u will end up helping financially anyway.

Answer 8

I also have a 20-year old. We are best friends but she to has a tendency to be a little *****. I also tolerate a little disrespect, don't know why, but she also feels remorse and shame after. I know that is still no excuse for bad behavior, but parenting is all about tolerance. If she continues to be disrespectful, throw her out, temporarily, so she can see that the grass is not greener... but welcome her back when she grows up a bit and can act more like an adult.

Answer 9

even tho im a guy and im only 15
i know what its like to be in a constant argument with my mom
all last year we were yelling
and sometimes she wud threaten me to go move with my dad
and she even brought me there sometimes
and when i thot nothing was going my way
it got worse
she destroyed a lot of my personal belongings
so i had enough i moved with my dad
this destroyed her emotionally and i still have not forgiven her but i no one day that i will and that it wud be for the best
if ur daughter is 20 years old she needs to move
for ur sake and hers
she will never learn about the hardships of life or be able to live her life to her full potential
moving out is a part of life that leads to better things she needs to learn that the easy way or the hard way

Answer 10

It's not possible for anyone online to answer this question based on such a brief description. Obviously there are many more factors involved. I would suggest you and your daughter should discuss your issues with a third party such as another family member, a close family friend, a clergy member, or therapist. Not to confront each other, but to have a civil discussion of your problems, like adults, as you both are.