has anyone's firstborn born "asleep"? How did it affect your second pregnancy?

Question

Was there any depression with the second pregnancy? What about when the baby was born? Did you "compare" it to your first baby?

I lost my little angel Megan a couple weeks ago at 32weeks. I am feeling a bit better now but I am eager to get pregnant again. In a way I feel that perhaps my baby will come back to me (i know, i know. please don't judge. in a way thats my way of dealing with this). Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone has gone through this and had these feeling or gone on through a second pregnancy (how long after?)... how did it go?

by "asleep" i mean stillborn. I just hate using that term.

Answer 1

A friend of mine had a stillbirth with her first son (Cord Accident) and when she got pregnant again the next year she was more nervous than depressed. Her doctor did ultra sounds every month to make sure everything was ok. Her son is now 3 1/2 and she is 31 weeks along with a girl and all is well.

Answer 2

I don't think I understand what you mean by born "asleep." Are you talking about a still birth? Or were YOU sedated to the point of being asleep.

Please add some clarifications.

As to comparing your children, it's impossible not to. It's only natural and that's OK.

As to depression, any thing is possible. Postpartum depression happens to MANY women. I can remember the crying of my first born with colic driving me so crazy with sleep deprivation that I actually had serious thoughts about just stabbing the kid and burying him out in the back yard! At that time postpartum depression wasn't recognized as being as serious as it really was. My thoughts, of course were totally irrational, but there they were. I was also a nervous wreck, imagining all sorts of terrible things going on when I heard a noise in the house.

Those were all signs of serious depression but because they were so bizarre, I never told my MD.

Parenting is MUCH more complicated than what most people will admit to. When you see other young mothers and they are acting as if THEIR child is perfect in every way, keep remembering that the Mom is not telling you she's up all night with the child, or that she loses her temper on a regular basis.

It's tough on everybody, but getting people to admit it is even more tough.

Answer 3

I'm deeply sorry for you're loss and although I didn't experience my loss in the same way as you. I feel that I can relate to what you are feeling, I loss a pregnancy in February. And its not so much that you're heart is shattered, but you're womb feels so empty like you're not even a woman. That you need to have another baby in there, nothing else will make you feel better. And of course you know that it wont be you're angel that she has found her place in heaven. But its the only way you'll feel better, If I were you I'd give you're body a couple months to recoup. Talk to some other people who know where you're coming from like a support group and then go for it. I started trying again these month and couldn't be happier ! Good Luck

Answer 4

I'm very sorry. My first baby had to be delivered at 23 weeks because it was determined that she was going to die at birth due to a severe heart defect. My husband and i decided that we were going to try again, i had the same feeling as you, maybe she will come back to me. My second pregnancy i was sooo scared, not depressed so much but terrified. I was still very happy to have another shot at being a mommy. Today i have 3 healthy baby boys, and i do not compare them to my baby girl, she lives in my heart now and i do think of her often and sometimes i still cry, but today i am happier than i have ever been! Best of luck!!

Answer 5

Congrats first off.
My eldest slept through the night from the first week, and I would always have to wake her. It was amazing and calming and needless to say I was the envy of my "mommy" friends.
I was looking forward to the same deal with my second...double wammy!! Not only was she very active inside, when she was born I could not keep up - she never wanted to sleep !! We would drive her every night for months around the block, bring her home, put her down, and as soon as I fell asleep, she woke again ! It was a mad house because the whole house routine shifted.
I dont believe in letting babies cry....but my husband and I would get soooo frustrated, and edgy.
My daughter made up for all of that because she was just the cutest thing, I couldnt get mad - but I did become sad and very very tired. My friend suggested that she take my daughter to the supermarket once or twice a week. It was my much needed alone time, and twice a week I would do something with the oldest (just us) even if its an errand - my eldest never forgot that I made time for her. For me it was not really a comparison, because they were sooo different, in every way (fat-thin- small- big,blond -dark).
People who knew us would always comment - that I got from the second, what I was spared from the first, ha ha ha.
But you know what, the third was the easiest - cause your already a pro !