appropriate please!
2007-04-27 15:12:10 · 17 answers · asked by ♥Bella Ragazza♥ 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
This is a blonde joke: (oh by the way, no offence if you have blonde hair)
A blonde walked into a shop and went up to the guy at the counter and said, "I would like to buy that tv" but the guy at the counter said, "Sorry, you can't buy that because you're a blonde." So the blonde walked back home and dyed her hair red, then came back to the shop, "Can I please buy that tv" but again, the guy at the counter said, "Sorry, but you can't buy that because you're a blonde." so again she went back home and dyed her hair black and went back to the shop and asked for the tv again thinking she would have more hope of getting it because they guy at the counter had gone home and another one replaced him. "Sorry," he began, "but you can't buy that because you're a blonde." "How do you know I'm a blonde," said the blonde. "Because thats not a TV, its a microwave."
Hope that cheered you up, have a good day, (If you can)
2007-04-27 15:21:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly... Peter, Peter, something or other..."
A blonde is driving down the road she sees a cop flashing his lights behind her. She pulls over. The cop comes up to her window and the blonde realizes that the cop is a blonde too. The cop says I need your driver's license and the blonde says, "What does it look like?" the cop replies, "It's square and has your picture on it." so the blonde searches through her purse and finds a mirror looks at it then gives it to the cop. The cop says, "Oh, ok I'm sorry I didn't know you were a cop too."
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night, and led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. One of the guests asked, "What's that big brass gong?"
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yep," replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You moron, it's ten past three in the morning!
A blonde is walking around and hears someone saying '20,20,20...'. Following the sound, the blonde sees a brunette jumping on a railroad track saying '20,20,20...'.
Being blonde she gets on the track with her and together they jump and recite '20,20,20...'.
Suddenly the brunette jumps off the track as ant the blonde is run over by a train.
Pausing for only a moment, the brunette jumps back on the tracks saying '21,21,21...'.
A blonde a brunette and a red head all die and when you die you need to pass a test to go to heaven. God tells you 100 jokes (1 joke per step in a staircase) and if you laugh at one of them you have to start over again at the bottom of the steps. The brunette goes 10 steps and laughs, the red head goes 7 steps and laughs, and the blonde goes 99 steps and laughs.
Why did the blonde make it so far without laughing?
She just got the first joke!!
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "*****!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
If only men would listen.
2007-04-27 22:23:53 · answer #2 · answered by Your Add Here! 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.
He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"
And the old man enjoyed peace.
...Here's hoping you can turn your problems on their ear too!
Peace!
2007-04-27 22:28:00 · answer #3 · answered by Depoetic 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
These two old ladies were sitting on a bench waiting for a bus. Doris said to Clare I've been sitting here so long my *** fell asleep. Clare replied I know I heard it snoring.
2007-04-27 22:17:06 · answer #4 · answered by Chalie M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One night i was at the skating ring and my skirt flew up everyone saw my underwear which was giving me a wedgy at the time
2007-04-27 22:16:52 · answer #5 · answered by palakeaxs4 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now.
Next.
2007-04-27 22:17:33 · answer #6 · answered by M M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My nine year old son told me this one, I thought it was a good one.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers!
2007-04-27 22:22:40 · answer #7 · answered by Bridgett R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I once had this dream where I had a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone.
2007-04-27 22:15:24 · answer #8 · answered by Martial E 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a named johnny is at school. His teacher says for homework, learn the alphabet. He goes home and asks his mom whats the first letter of the alphabet. she says shut the h@#% up. He goes to his sister and asks whats the second letter of the alphabet. Shes watching britney spears and says oops i did it again. He goes to his brother whoes watching batman. the kid asks whats the third letter of the alpahabet. he says dananananananana....batman.....batman. He goes to his dad whoes in the toilet. he asks dad whats the fourth letter of the alphabet. dad replies in the toilet.
the following is between johnny and the teacher only.........
the kid goes to school the next day. johnny, whats the first letter of the alphabet. shut the h@#% up! excuse me?! oops i did it again! young man whats your phone number? danaananananana.....batman....batman. where do you live?! in the toilet!!!!!!!!
2007-04-27 22:24:41 · answer #9 · answered by StonelessLancer 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Appropriate huh? I don't... Well there is the one.... maybe.... um.... ah.... nope sorry can;t help ya out pal.
2007-04-27 22:16:23 · answer #10 · answered by Joey G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋