How are women divorcing deployed soldiers? Does anyone else think that that is just wrong?!?

Question

I've heard about so many soldiers deploying and their spouse divorces them while they are gone or has papers waiting when the soldiers returns. I was of the understanding that according to the soldier and sailor act that no civil action shall be taken against a service member while that person is deployed to a war zone and not on U. S. soil. So how are these people getting divorced or separated while the soldier is deployed?

Answer 1

yes, the Soldiers and Sailors Civil Relief Act protects overseas servicemen...but once they are back, sure they can be filed against for divorce.

Deployments can be tougher on the wives than on the soldiers sometimes...if that lifestyle doesn't make the wife happy...then divorces happen often. Picture your husband being gone 6-10 months every year...it's tough. No good answer, but staying because you feel obligated due to his service isn't right either.

Answer 2

Honestly, I've never seen a marriage break up due to deployment that wasn't already suffering some serious issues in the first place. Every couple that we've seen get divorced during/after deployment had some huge problems before the soldier left. A lot of times being apart for a year or more at a time just makes them realize that they really shouldn't be married in the first place. The marriages that are strong before deployment usually make it through.

As far as the Soldiers and Sailors Civil Relief Act, I think the servicemember can choose to put off divorce proceedings until after the deployment, but he can also sign the papers right then and there if he wants. I'm sure with a simple divorce (no kids or assets to fight over), it's no big deal for them to just sign the papers and get it over with.

Answer 3

As a military wife I can tell you first hand just how difficult deployments are, and the toll they take on a marriage. As another poster has already stated, if your marriage wasnt' strong before a deployment, it's not going to get better during it, that's for sure.

While that soldier is deployed, the wife now takes on the entire responsibility of being mom and dad, and running the entire household from bills to car repairs to coaching little league to mowing the grass.. There can be weeks on end where you don't hear from your spouse. You get bits and pieces of news from the TV; and only the most horrible sensationalized information is put out. You think the worst and worry constantly. It takes a very strong individual to be a military spouse. Sometimes you don't realize just how strong you have to be until you face something like a deployment. For some women, it's too much. You can't pass judgements until you have been in their shoes.

I am in no way condoning this... I'm just trying to shed some light on why this goes on. It's terrible for that soldier to come home to that, I've seen it happen first hand to guys in my husbands unit. I've also seen the women who take advantage of his deployments and clean him out, financially. But stuff like that, you can't go and say it's just military wives.. those women are opportunists who would do something like that regardless of what their husband did, if such an opportunity arose. Same with cheating spouses. It's not just a problem in the military community.

and to the posters calling our husbands 'baby killers' and the like.. grow up.

Answer 4

I do think it is wrong to make decisions about divorce while a soldier is overseas. The spouse should wait until he/she comes home, and give it a chance. If it doesnt work out, well, at least they tried! Military marriages can be some of the strongest in the world, and also the weakest. It can bring the strong ones closer together through time apart (as it does with me and my husband), or drive a bigger wedge between them.

That being said, there are 2 sides to EVERY story. You dont know what is going on. The soldier could not be taking care of his family financially, or the soldier could be cheating. Or abusive while he is in the rear and she (or he) sees the deployment as her prime opportunity to leave and not fear for her life. Dont assume you know what is going on just because she wants to divorce her husband while he is deployed.

Answer 5

They can have papers waiting, but you can't just do the whole thing without the member having notice and an opportunity to be heard. They are protected by federal statute (Servicemembers Civil Relief Act). That's not just a war zone thing, it can apply to a stateside member who can't get leave due to mission related requirements.

Other scary things: The stateside spouse cleans her ex-to-be out completely using the general power of attorney (GPOA) he so blithely signed before leaving. I used to strongly discourage GPOAs when I served in USAF JAG for this reason.

Once she has all the money in a PERSONAL account, all she has to say is "all your checks are going to bounce unless you sign this no-contest divorce."

Sleazy, but stuff like that does happen. It's the exception rather than the rule, though.

Remember, some of these marriages were iffy even before the military member went off to battle darkness and evil in foreign climes. Sometimes the military member was a butthead and his days were numbered marriagewise anyway.

Don't paint all these folks with the same brush. Life and relationships are complicated. Nobody has a patriotic duty to stay with a spouse, significant other, etc. though.

Answer 6

You brought up a good topic. Its not just women divorcing men its both sexes. I am a proud U.S. Army wife, and it sickens me to know first hand of this happening. It's true that if the marriage was broke before the deployment then in some cases it makes it worse. Doing that is awful, but it's even worse for someone to believe a soldier should go AWOL (absent without leave) because of something that they had no control over especially this war. The military personnel know what they are getting into when signing up to join the military. It is less than COWARDLY for a spouse to divorce a soldier while deployed.
1. It depresses that soldier; which in turn brings its very own set of consequences.
2. That soldier is not focused on the mission at hand.
3. The lives of others are put in jeopardy because of this soldiers lack of focus.
4. Soldiers die because their brother or sister in arms life at home is in ruins and they can't do anything about it.
To think that divorce is a part of life and we should all move on is crazy. This doesn't just affect one military family it affect millions of lives. It could affect my family. It's personal and it's my business, and my fellow spouses.

Answer 7

You are right, you cannot get get a divorce while you are over seas but if they go on R&R they can do the paperwork then, the soldier just has to be physically present. As far as reasons why wives are divorcing their husbands... I think its the other way around, the husbands demanding a divorce. I cant tell you how many guys in my entire unit got one but it was a high number because the girls couldn't handle money right, or they were being sluts and sleeping around. No soldier deserves that kind of treatment.

Answer 8

Why do you think everybody is complaining about the extended tours? They send these guys back, over and over again with hardly any break. They are possibly violent, because do gooders like Harry Reid, don't want to spend the money for more fresh troops, burn the ones they have out. They do not have the funds to re-socialize the people that have been re-deployed time and again. The result is that the non military spouse gets tired of being alone and starts divorce proceedings! It's the same with civilians who have workaholics that are not emotionally or physically available. He would be notified through his chain of command.

Answer 9

It is appalling. I can't imagine how devastating that would be to some poor serviceman (or woman) to come home and get served with a divorce summons.
The Soldiers and Sailors Relief Act only provides for a delay of most civil proceedings, not the exemption there from. It is only to allow service members overseas to be allowed to appear in court.

Answer 10

First of all, the only thing that pisses me off more then women who do this are people like leet who call our military members baby killers. I wont even start on that one though.

Women who send divorce papers when their husband is over seas are COWARDS. They cant wait until their husband comes home to sort it out, nor do they have the guts to give their husband divorce papers when they are home. I know it has happened to a friend of mine, and I think it's just sick.