My boyfriend doesn't want any more children...What should I do?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. It's been truly amazing! I'm 32 and he's 34. He has a daughter who lives about 8 hours from us and goes to see her about once a month. After he had his daughter, however, he had a vasectomy. He told me when we first started dating that he would consider a reversal in a year. Well six months into our relationship, he said that he's really doesn't want to have a reversal because of a "maybe"---meaning that it's a slight chance that we would be able to get pregnant. He said it was very painful and he doesn't want to through with that again. I really believe we are meant for each other, but I would like to have a least one child. I'm just not sure what to do. I love him and never loved anyone as much. He has already told me that marriage is on his mind. I 'm at a loss. Does anyone have any ideas?

Answer 1

if he dosent wish to reverse his vasectomy. the two of you can discuss it and you could have the doctor do a Sperm retrieval and IVF

This is a surgical procedure where sperm is extracted from the male partner's testes. In vitro fertilization, or IVF, involves both you and your partner. She will undergo ovarian stimulation with medication to produce several eggs. The egg retrieval is done with a small needle to remove the eggs from the ovary. The sperm are obtained from the testes with a surgical procedure. It is not as invasive as the reversal, with less expense, faster recovery and greater success.

This surgery can be done ahead of time and the sperm or tissue could be frozen or it can be done fresh on the same day as the egg retrieval. The sperm is injected into the egg, called intracytoplasmic sperm injection, or ICSI, and the fertilized eggs are placed back into your uterus. A pregnancy test can be taken two weeks later to determine pregnancy.

I hope i helped

Good Luck

Answer 2

If he's someone that you can see spending the rest of your life with then you'll have to figure out if he never gets the reversal can you live your entire life without having children. If the answer is no, then you have to reconsider continuing the relationship. If it does come down to him asking you to marry him then you'll have to have a very serious talk about children.

My father had two children with my mother. They divorced and he married a much younger woman. He'd had a vasectomy when I was 11 years old, he remarried when I was 30, so you can imagine how long he's had the vasectomy. His new wife wanted children, he didn't, but because he loved her he had a reverse vasectomy. They now have two children. My father was in his mid 50's, he had raised his children, but none the less he changed his mind.

My best friend does not like children, she never played with dolls, she never babysat, she just didn't like children. When she met her husband she told him in no uncertain terms that she never wanted children, he was fine with it. However, 10 years into the marriage he changed his mind. Well you can just imagine what a tail spin that sent my friend into. She loved him and didn't want to lose him and after a lot of soul searching she decided to have a child. She gave birth last year and she's never been happier.

People do change their minds, but make sure he knows before you get married what your true feelings are. Do not spring it on him 10 years into the marriage, it is actually grounds for divorce, if he is adamant that he will never get a reversal then you have to ask yourself if you can live with that decision BEFORE you get married. Yes people change their minds but are you willing to accept a life without children if he doesn't???

Moral of this story: Communicate at all times.

Good luck

Answer 3

Looks like one of you will have to change what they want. That doesn't happen very often. It's not just a matter of procedure, trust me. If people really want something - they go for it, even if the chances are small. Talk to him about it and state it clearly that you want at least one child and this is pretty much your condition to continue the relationship (or is it?). Listen what he has to say to that. If he says "no" - assume that he means it, and keep in mind that "maybe someday" means "never". After all, what event needs to happen in order for him to change his mind? This is basically the question you're asking yourself. There is no answer to that. Don't hope that his love will grow and maybe then he'll change his mind. Take it from there - either accept that you're not having any childen, or leave him.
Would you guys consider adoption?

If you told him long time ago that children is a "must" for you and he tells you now that the answer is "no" then you are wasting each other's time.

Answer 4

You should start dating other men IMMEDIATELY. Find a man who wants to create a family and follows up with action, not someone who will consider it. That's a con. Detach yourself from this relationship. He is only saying these things to make you stay. If he really was planning to get married and have kids with you, he would have done it already. Don't give it a few months, you will just get more attached. And never go by what they say, they will say anything including that they love you. Go by what they do. Are you engaged yet? Did he schedule the vasectomy? You are still young enough to get a man who has no children, keep looking and good luck.

Answer 5

Well it sounds like you two should have a serious conversation, with each other maybe it's not just the pain of the reversal, but the pain of not seeing his child but only once a month or just any other relationship problems you and him may incounter. He may just might want to wait until the relationship is even stronger than it already is. Just be patient and keep it in consideration of what he may be feeling and everything will work out.

Answer 6

Wait a minute here. He would go for a reversal except that if he does, you might get pregnant? Why else would he have the reversal?!?!?

I'm a little sick of the one sided argument of a woman's choice and reproduction. It takes two to tango. Finally a guy says he doesn't want another mouth to feed and his decision isn't good enough? Shame on you. He is your BF, not your husband.

If you are this set on having a child tell him you're going to have to find someone else who will have one with you. If you don't want to leave him over this, bite the bullet and do not bring it up again. He has spoken. The choice is your's.

*/*

Answer 7

Sounds like a pretty selfish guy. He had the vasectomy because he doesn't want to have anymore children and pay more child support. He's telling you and probably other women he "maybe" wants to have more children in hopes that you will fall in love with him and get over the idea of having kids. That a pretty selfish and manipulative guy. If he loves you and wants to get married, then he should also want to have kids with you especially since you don't have any.

Answer 8

If he doesn't want a child then why would you force him into being a father? That would not make a good father, plus its unfair to him, you, and the child.

Having children is not something to be negotiated....you really want a child, and obviously will have a lot of love for that child....you need someone who wants to bring a child into the world as much as you do.

Answer 9

Talk to him about the idea of having just one child. Then you need to decide if you two are really going to get married. If he doesn't want to have even one, and you do, it doesn't sound like it'll work. If he doesn't mind having one kid, and just hates the idea of a reversal, check out artificial or something. They probably even know a way to use his sperm. And if all else fails, there's adoption and foster children.

Answer 10

Nope except adopt! And even if you really wanted children then you would need to be in the relationship longer than this one to understand which would make you more secure as a person: being a wife to a man who wants no more kids or being a mother to a child from a deserving man